I wrote a poem. What do you think?

#1

I wrote a poem. What do you think?

Posted: 5/1/08 at 9:02pm

"Spring"

Spring showers numb the morning
Their clouds do soar and sway
Elate and vent till receding
Their tears give mercy way

Stars I see do glisten
When candlelight is near
Stop and think and listen
Listen to what you hear

Dark is soft
Moon is bright
Sun keeps out the cold

We must rely on springing shine
To halt to kiss to hold

Updated On: 5/1/08 at 09:02 PM

#2

re: I wrote a poem. What do you think?

Posted: 5/1/08 at 9:25pm

Do you think it sounds good?

#3

re: I wrote a poem. What do you think?

Posted: 5/1/08 at 9:30pm

Mo.

---

"Long live God!" (GODSPELL)

#4

re: I wrote a poem. What do you think?

Posted: 5/1/08 at 9:32pm

Thanks?

#5

re: I wrote a poem. What do you think?

Posted: 5/1/08 at 9:35pm

You asked my opinion and I gave it.

---

"Long live God!" (GODSPELL)

#6

re: I wrote a poem. What do you think?

Posted: 5/1/08 at 9:37pm

SOMEBODY WRITE SOMETHING I NEED APPROVAL FROM STRANGERS

Updated On: 5/1/08 at 09:37 PM

#7

re: I wrote a poem. What do you think?

Posted: 5/1/08 at 9:37pm

I think he said that Mo likes it.


I'm not a huge fan of poetry, but it's not terrible. There are some nice visuals, but I'm not a fan of the last stanza. It feels a little tacked on.

---

"Writing is like prostitution. First, you do it for love, then you do it for a few friends, and finally you do it for money." ~ Moliere

#8

re: I wrote a poem. What do you think?

Posted: 5/1/08 at 9:38pm

Whatever. This was my first real poem. I don't think it's too awful so I'm proud of it.

#9

re: I wrote a poem. What do you think?

Posted: 5/1/08 at 9:39pm

If you depend on the kindness of strangers you'll become another Blanche du Bois.

---

"Long live God!" (GODSPELL)

#10

re: I wrote a poem. What do you think?

Posted: 5/1/08 at 9:40pm

Let's not get defensive. If you want to write, as your username suggests, you need to understand that not everyone will like your work. BWW isn't the best place to post your work anyway. If you want to write poetry, I suggest you join a poetry forum. They'll be more open to reading and critiquing it.

---

"Writing is like prostitution. First, you do it for love, then you do it for a few friends, and finally you do it for money." ~ Moliere

#11

re: I wrote a poem. What do you think?

Posted: 5/1/08 at 10:28pm

Don't quit your day job

---

....but the world goes 'round

#12

re: I wrote a poem. What do you think?

Posted: 5/2/08 at 12:00am

...but don't give up, either.

Ever.

---

"Jaws is the Citizen Kane of movies."

---

blocked: logan2, Diamonds3, Hamilton22

#13

re: I wrote a poem. What do you think?

Posted: 5/2/08 at 12:23am

You know, in my opinion, when it comes to poetry it's all relative. It's like art that way. One person can say it is good and put some money in there and it becomes a masterpiece. That being said, I thought it was good :).

#14

re: I wrote a poem. What do you think?

Posted: 5/2/08 at 5:56pm

I'm not a poet. I just felt like writing a poem. I'm actually a pretty decent writer when I try. My passion is actually music and performing.

#15

re: I wrote a poem. What do you think?

Posted: 5/2/08 at 6:05pm

I read the title and am still singing a song from Bare..does this make me a bad person?

Haha, seriously though- keep writing!

xx

(Spring, a time for love, a time for two. A time when lovers start to coo, spring can lick me!)

---

"I trained as a classical actor at Juilliard. I jump at the opportunity to do classical text...But I never in a million years guessed I'd get to play Juliet!"- Michael Arden

#16

re: I wrote a poem. What do you think?

Posted: 5/2/08 at 6:10pm

It was just aight for me, dawg.

#17

re: I wrote a poem. What do you think?

Posted: 5/2/08 at 6:18pm

The great thing about writing is that even if noone likes your work, you can keep doing it if it's what makes you happy. You can be your own critic and learn from persistence, rather than by suggestion from others.

Updated On: 5/2/08 at 06:18 PM

#18

re: I wrote a poem. What do you think?

Posted: 5/2/08 at 6:27pm

I just wrote one as well. It's called Sock Puppet.

"Sock Puppet"

How I love your transparent agenda,
your identity concealed in saran wrap.
Your artificial sweetness reminds of splenda,
and your game is as fun as a smear pap.

I long for your chaos and the Friday melt down
as other altar egos are an envious green like Kermit the Muppet.
Your tired act has been done before and better all around,
though what would this place be with out a host of sock puppets?

Updated On: 5/2/08 at 06:27 PM

#19

re: I wrote a poem. What do you think?

Posted: 5/2/08 at 6:58pm

That Sock Puppet one is pretty good. And I know you didn't ask for it, but to offer a tiny bit of criticism, the lines in the second stanza start to get a bit long, which causes the poem to kind of lose the rhythm of the first stanza.

---

"I just want a story and a few good songs that will take me away. I just want to be entertained. I mean, isn't that the point?"

#20

re: I wrote a poem. What do you think?

Posted: 5/3/08 at 3:48pm

why does every aspiring poet feel at first that things have to rhyme.....ugh

---

It is ridiculous to set a detective story in New York City. New York City is itself a detective story... AGATHA CHRISTIE, Life magazine, May 14, 1956

#21

re: I wrote a poem. What do you think?

Posted: 5/3/08 at 4:07pm

I wish Broadwaywriter was a block of wood
and I a burning coal.
I'd hold him in my warm embrace
and roast his wee arsehole.

---

Art has a double face, of expression and illusion.

#22

re: I wrote a poem. What do you think?

Posted: 5/3/08 at 4:07pm

lolol, Bravo Art, truly that WAS art!

---

It is ridiculous to set a detective story in New York City. New York City is itself a detective story... AGATHA CHRISTIE, Life magazine, May 14, 1956

#23

re: I wrote a poem. What do you think?

Posted: 5/3/08 at 4:09pm

First, you post, "SOMEBODY WRITE SOMETHING I NEED APPROVAL FROM STRANGERS"

Then, when folks do give their opinion you post, "Whatever. This was my first real poem. I don't think it's too awful so I'm proud of it."


Make up your mind BEFORE you post.

---

"TheatreDiva90016 - another good reason to frequent these boards less."<<>> “I hesitate to give this line of discussion the validation it so desperately craves by perpetuating it, but the light from logic is getting further and further away with your every successive post.” <<>> -whatever2

#24

re: I wrote a poem. What do you think?

Posted: 5/3/08 at 4:43pm

this thread is wack

---

The morning star always gets wonderful bright the minute before it has to go --doesn't it?