Is It Time To Let Go....?

[RetroBoy]

Posted: 10/23/07 at 9:11am

I've been dating this guy for a couple of months now. We work together but no one knows about us because he is on the "d/l" (downlow).

I've gone "out of my way" for this guy. I'm always available to him when he wants to get together. If we are not working on the same night I always send him a nice text message just before I know he's going to start his shift wishing him a good night at work.

I always make it a point to reach out to him. I've even made a CD for him of songs that I felt best expressed the feelings I have for him.

Lately things haven't been "quite right". Yesterday morning he stopped by and he really didn't have much to say. I asked what was wrong. He of course said nothing. Last Saturday we worked together and we took a break together and he was quite. When he takes a break with other co-workers he's usually full of conversation.

Last night he worked but I didn't. I decided not to text message or call just to test to see if he would seek me out. Nothing. No text message and no phone call.

This is getting frustrating because he runs hot and cold. One week he's receptive the other he's aloof.

Am I giving too much of myself? Should I just let this go? I really like him...alot but I'm just at a loss of what I should do.

I normally don't spill my personal stuff here on this board but I really want to know what you guys think and/or would do.

[best12bars]

Posted: 10/23/07 at 9:16am

Let this be your rule of thumb when dating guys...

Actions speak louder than words.

I would let it go.

[RetroBoy]

Posted: 10/23/07 at 9:23am

You know best, I keep telling myself this and then I wind up trying to justify his behavior. I'm in denial. Deep down I know I have to let this go. I don't have to see him until Saturday, which is the night we're scheduled to work together. With his track record I'd bet my year's salary he won't bother to call me at all for the rest of the week.

[D2]

Posted: 10/23/07 at 9:26am

You're not really in denial, ReBo, because you recognize what you need to do. You're just not quite ready to do it. But B12B is right - let it go.

[SonofMammaMiaSam]

Posted: 10/23/07 at 9:41am

Yep, from the guy who REALLY does know ... bah, bye!
( I just cut one of "them" loose last week.)

[papalovesmambo]

Posted: 10/23/07 at 9:48am

depends, has he or she stopped breathing? if not you need to squeeze tighter.

[best12bars]

Posted: 10/23/07 at 9:50am

papa knows best.



Actually, It's tough when you have strong feelings for someone. I don't think you're in denial.

Logic always seems to get trampled by emotion. Everyone has trouble with that.

It's not an easy choice to make, but it's what's best for you. Try to remember that. You'll be stronger and "less messed up" from it, if you can listen to your head, not your heart.

...and trust me... when it's "right," you'll know it. You won't have to worry about it or struggle with it, or doubt it. Everything from both "interested parties" will come easily and naturally.

So says "Dear Flabby."

[RetroBoy]

Posted: 10/23/07 at 9:54am

Thank you "Dear Flabby".

And papa thanks for the laugh 'cuz I definitely needed that! :)

[tazber]

Posted: 10/23/07 at 9:58am

Not only should you move on, but you should be sure to let slip about how you're dating this super hot new guy.

j/k, unless it would work.

nah, j/k, period.

[Liverpool]

Posted: 10/23/07 at 10:00am

ewww the DL, that's so skanky

[Broadwayboobs]

Posted: 10/23/07 at 10:00am

This is for him ReBo..NOT you !!!!

[PalJoey]

Posted: 10/23/07 at 10:01am

And here goes "Dear Blabby":

It's always time to let go when the pain is greater than the pleasure. Sounds like you're there.

You say he's on the down low but you don't say if he's married-on-the-down-low or just closeted.

While I respect anyone's individual process of coming out, if his actions are keeping him from being 100% present with you--and if he is unwilling or unable to come to the table with a full and open heart--then, yes, it's time to let go. Doesn't sound like he's being present with you.

Tell him he gets one more f*ck on one specific date and then it's over. For good. No more f*ck buddies, no more friends. If he shows up that night, show him what's he's gonna be missing. If he doesn't show up, you're best rid of him because his hot-and-cold will never change.

Remember: they NEVER change...unless they change themselves.

Updated On: 10/23/07 at 10:01 AM

[RetroBoy]

Posted: 10/23/07 at 10:10am

Well I guess it takes one to know one doesn't it Liverska--- pool

[RetroBoy]

Posted: 10/23/07 at 10:19am

PJ - - Thanks for your taking the time to give me your advice. You're right, he's not being 100% present with me. I feel he's not willing and able to come to the table with a full and open heart.

I tried ending this a month ago. I went so far as to change my phone number. I didn't hear from him for a good two weeks (because he didn't have my new number) and as fate would have it we weren't scheduled to work that much during that period so I didn't see him at all. Then about two weeks later he calls me. He got my number from my supervisor who didn't know she wasn't supposed to give it to him.

At that point I thought if he went out of his way to get my phone number then he really did care, but now it's back to the same old sh!t. Now I'm sitting here wondering why he even bothered in the first place.

[SonofMammaMiaSam]

Posted: 10/23/07 at 10:24am

Passive/Agressive men seem to be in abundance these days.

[Rathnait62]

Posted: 10/23/07 at 10:27am

They come in all genders, SOMMS.

[RetroBoy]

Posted: 10/23/07 at 10:27am

Is it right to want to kick the living sh!t out of him?

No, no I know this is not right. It goes against all my Buddhist principles.

But somehow I can't help but think it.

[Rathnait62]

Posted: 10/23/07 at 10:28am

It may not be right, but it's normal.

[tazber]

Posted: 10/23/07 at 10:37am

And therapuetic

[RetroBoy]

Posted: 10/23/07 at 10:42am

Boobs, you always come through with the most clever and witty images! I love that image and the fact that the box that houses the rope reads: "SUGGESTIONS". Love you for that pic, amongst other things! Mwah!

[Chita1933]

Posted: 10/23/07 at 10:49am

best said it best.

listen to his actions and not so much to his words.

[Broadwayboobs]

Posted: 10/23/07 at 10:53am

ReBo...always here for you.

[best12bars]

Posted: 10/23/07 at 10:54am

...'cause guys will tell you ANYTHING you want to hear.

But the ACTIONS are the truth.

If you follow my friendly advice, you'll be able to spot insincerity a lot more easily... and sooner. And the longer you linger, the harder it is to get out of it.

So says "Dear Flabby" again.

[RetroBoy]

Posted: 10/23/07 at 10:59am

I must admit that at first I was absolutely TERRIFIED about posting this thread for fear of getting back alot of snarky, negative comments. I now breathe a sigh of relief because I'm touched by those who have taken the time to really give me some heartfelt advice. You guys are truly awesome.

I was really beginning to have feelings of self-doubt and insecurity over all of this, that maybe there was something wrong with me.

[best12bars]

Posted: 10/23/07 at 11:04am

I was really beginning to have feelings of self-doubt and insecurity over all of this, that maybe there was something wrong with me.

...This is how you end up "messed up."

You think it's YOU. And it's a no-win situation.

The problem is that you wish he wouldn't act the way he does. But you have no control over how anybody else acts.

You only (hopefully) have control over your own actions. That's something you CAN change. You can decide to stick around, or to move on.

But you can't change the other person. That's what you have to come to grips with.

Make your decisions based on the current situation as you see it, not how you "hope it might be" in the future. That's where you'll get into trouble.

So many romantics in the world! Try not to be a "hopeless" one.

Updated On: 10/23/07 at 11:04 AM