Joan Collins, Sean Connery, and Ian Fleming

[Borstalboy]

Posted: 5/20/08 at 1:38pm

Very funny article from Nerve.com via The Telegraph:


As part of its recognition of the centennial of Ian Fleming, the Telegraph had a bright idea — they turned to professional vixen Joan Collins to share her expert opinion on the evolution of Bond movies, which she never had anything to do with and which she'd never heard about until, "shortly after Anthony Newley and I became engaged, we were strolling around Harrod's when we heard a familiar Scottish burr hailing us. It was Sean Connery, who'd just been signed up to play the super-agent in Dr No. 'Congratulations,' Tony said. 'You'll be great, and I'm sure this film's going to be wonderful.' 'Oh, it'll be just another job,' Sean shrugged. 'Then I'll be waiting for the phone to ring again as usual.'...We hadn't the slightest inkling that Dr. No would be the first of a film series that was destined to become the most popular of all time and that would catapult Sean Connery to stardom." I was really hoping that the next sentence would be, "Otherwise, I'd have dumped Anthony Newley on the pavement like a hot turd and, batting my eyes at Sean, asked if he'd like to go look for the nearest linen closet," but it looks as if we'll have to chalk that up to a golden opportunity missed.

The article--which is a classic of its weird kind, as the reader follows Collins as she charts her efforts to connect herself somehow to as many dips and turns in the franchise as she can manage--establishes many a missed opportunity in Joan's and 007's shared universe. Collins turned down the Shirley Eaton role in Goldfinger because she didn't like the idea of lying around on the set with her body painted, which would indeed seem to be a deal-breaker. Her shot at appearing in the notorious rogue Bond spoof Casino Royale went down the tubes when her doctor "informed me I was in fact enceinte," which extensive on-line research has confirmed means "pregnant," no lower than eight on my list of guesses. She did feel vindicated when Timothy Dalton landed the role of Bond, because she had just been shouted down in her efforts to have him cast as her romantic partner in a TV project because the mummies in charge of the studio felt he lacked sex appeal. Here they were daring to contradict Joan in one department where she claims expert status. "Sean Connery had what's known as 'it'. I can't explain it: it's not just sex appeal, but a certain something about men that makes women go weak at the knees, and a certain something about women that makes men drool, and it's an absolute prerequisite if you're going to go anywhere in this fickle business." (Seen Anthony Newley lately?) It is Joan's informed opinion that of all the Bonds, Pierce Brosnan came closest to getting the role at precisely the right time in his life to serve as "the physical embodiment" of the character. Collins does mention that she heard that Fleming was keen on James Mason for the part--which is a new one on us, but maybe she just needed an excuse to include her story about Mason and the "small rickety plane, going through turbulence that threatened our breakfast to a repeat appearance. While Steven Boyd and I slung down copious rum punches, getting plastered to kill our fear, I noticed James Mason calmly reading his Times. 'James,' I said. 'Aren't you terrified? It's so bumpy we could crash!' Without even glancing up, James replied in his mellifluously reassuring voice, 'Oh, no my dear, I'm never frightened in planes. I fly so much, what is there to be anxious about? They're perfectly safe,' and he continued reading his paper. That's when I noticed his paper was upside down."


The original Telegraph story

[Mrs Mangel]

Posted: 5/20/08 at 4:40pm

I love the writings of Joan Collins- a lot of these just seem to be lifted from 'Past Imperfect" (her first racey set of memoirs) and "Second Act" (number 2!) She's very good with an adjective- various men are described from anything to "wild and husky" to "velvety caramel", she remembers exact outfits she was wearing- "A bejewelled, duck-egg blue caftan", and the slightest encounter with any celebrity deserves a highly embellished passage.
And to tell the truth, it may be 95 percent fabricated, but it's oh-so-much fun to visit.

[javero]

Posted: 5/20/08 at 7:15pm

OMG what a coincidence...let me explain.

Earlier today, a colleague and I were laughing at the archaic Spanish of someone in a bistro whom we overheard. The elderly lady was politely explaining to another that her unwed granddaughter was "encinta" which apparently translates into "enceinte" in Joan's lexicon.

We were both chuckling and commenting that no Spanish speaker under 100 uses that word still. I gotta copy him on this thread.

Updated On: 5/20/08 at 07:15 PM

[Mamie]

Posted: 5/20/08 at 7:29pm

Enceinte (pronounced in-SAINT) is an old Latin word that means pregnant. For years it was considered 'indelicate' to say that a woman was pregnant. Enceinte was considered far more acceptable in society. I was always an avid reader when I was young and I always kept a dictionary at my side to help with the new words. This word used to be quite common.

[jeniferrenepatricia]

Posted: 5/21/08 at 3:04am

I agree with Mrs. Mangel- I love the writings of Joan Collins. I read all of her books, (the racy fiction books being my favorites) and she is fun to visit. But, to me, she will forever be Alexis Morrell Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan!!!!

[Mrs Mangel]

Posted: 5/21/08 at 4:26am

Jen- if only we were in the same country- we would have a killer book club .
Then when we were sick of chatting about the glamorous writing of Joan, we could start on "Dynasty"- who was your favorite Fallon,etc...

[jeniferrenepatricia]

Posted: 5/21/08 at 5:38am

My favorites were:

1- Alexis always being number one
2- Dex Dexter
3- SammyJo
4- the original Fallon, not the British import
5- Jeff
6- Steven (Jack Coleman)
7- Blake

I loved the entire show, but these characters are the ones that I looked forward to. I HATED Krystle (only because she always beat up Alexis)and disliked Dominque Deveraux, Adam, Ben, and Sable. But, it was my FAVORITE show of all time next to "I Love Lucy."

[Mrs Mangel]

Posted: 5/21/08 at 4:37pm

Yeah- mine were similar-
1- Joan Collins.
2-Pamela Sue Martin (Fallon #1-just that little bit cheaper)
3-Dex Dexter. (abs you could grate cheese on)
4-Claudia Blaisdale (I've always had a soft spot for the crazies)
5-Carress Morrell(just for her opening scene where she was released from a Mexican prison)
6-Dominique Devereaux -(because you could always be sure she'd be shown singing at "La Mirage")
7- Sable Coleby( because it was fun having a poor imitation of Alexis on the show.)
Honorable mentions go to Sammy-Jo and the original Steven, as well as the Moldavian massacre episode.

[Borstalboy]

Posted: 5/21/08 at 4:42pm

And don't forget how no one--and I mean no one--ever said "good-bye" when hanging up the phone.

[Mrs Mangel]

Posted: 5/21/08 at 5:16pm

No room for niceties in the cutthroat world. That's an hilarious observation!

[jeniferrenepatricia]

Posted: 5/22/08 at 1:15am

That was a great observation, borstalboy.
Ah, yes, the Moldavian Massacre. Everyone getting killed, beat up, whatever- then DEX DEXTER comes and saves the day!!!! Love it!!! Then poor Dex dies by falling off of a balcony with Alexis. All because of that lying witch, Sable!!! Damn her!!! That's OK because Francesca got her back on The Colbys. Remember that? Just another little tidbit- did you ever notice that ALexis hardly ever died out those long brown cigarettes? Did they extinguish by themselves?

[jeniferrenepatricia]

Posted: 5/22/08 at 3:18am

One more thing that I forgot- what about the Krystle/fake Krystle plot? A la George Hamilton....FUN!!!

[Mrs Mangel]

Posted: 5/22/08 at 5:36am

I do remember that. Linda Evan's wandering around in a red, permed wig, pretending to be someone else.
Pamela Bellwood's death scene lighting all the candles- it's burned in my memory.
And Joan Collins singing in an episode.

[Mrs Mangel]

Posted: 5/22/08 at 5:39am

...And here it is!
Boys in the backroom.

[jeniferrenepatricia]

Posted: 5/22/08 at 5:43am

Yes, I loved that scene. Another fine Dex Dexter moment in the bar, I might add. I saw the original movie with Marlene Dietrich singing this with my grandmother. When I started singing that song, she couldn't believe I knew the words. I told her that was my "Dynasty" education.

Did you watch The Colbys? (second rate, but anything to do with Dynasty and I was in!!!)

[Mrs Mangel]

Posted: 5/22/08 at 6:04am

I did watch the Colby. Mainly because Sable was so hilarious. But then she became really desperate, and it became less fun. Alexis was always strong- even when she was taken from that glamorous party and locked up in prison with all the hookers heckling her. Remember that? In that red ,Nolan Miller creation?

[jeniferrenepatricia]

Posted: 5/23/08 at 3:37am

I agree...I liked Sable in "The Colbys" also, but by the end of the show, she became my least favorite character. I enjoyed Barbara Stanwyck and Charlton Heston, but it was not the finest hour of their careers.
The "Fallon and the UFO" storyline is right up there with the season of "Dallas" that never existed when Patrick Duffy decided that he didn't want to be dead. Too much!!!!
Of course I remember Alexis in jail.....
More classics:
Adam trying to kill Jeff with the poisonous paint
Daniel Reese and Krystle...and the aftermath in the tabloids
Alexis finding out that Amanda slept with Dex
The Jeff/Fallon/Miles triangle
Remember Mark Grayson? He was hot!!!! (not hotter than Dex...)

[jeniferrenepatricia]

Posted: 5/23/08 at 5:04am

And what about Alexis hooking up with the King of Moldavia? I forgot that one in my last thread...

[Mrs Mangel]

Posted: 5/23/08 at 5:32am

Any port in a storm.
This could cross over with the other thread about how t.v. characters change- do you remember in the second series, Alexis was quite artistic, and always shown painting in her spare time- after she took over Colbyco, she lost all artistic urges.

[jeniferrenepatricia]

Posted: 5/27/08 at 1:12am

Sorry I'm responding so many days later- went away for the weekend. Yes, I do remember how artistic Alexis was in the first full season she appeared on the show. Also, the kids changed sides constantly bouncing from Blake to Alexis. First, Adam was with Alexis, then Blake, then he hated them both, then Blake, back to Alexis. The same thing with Steven- first Alexis, then Blake, but he was always a mama's boy in his heart. Fallon and Amanda always kind of hated Alexis- maybe a few times Fallon would show affection, but very rarely. What a dysfuctional familY!!!!

[Mrs Mangel]

Posted: 5/27/08 at 8:28am

I just love the fact they kept finding kids they never knew they had. Can you imagine that happening in real life? Or finding out you have a half sister called Dominique Devereux who sings in lounge bars. How fantastic!

[jeniferrenepatricia]

Posted: 5/28/08 at 2:14am

Or finding out that your parents aren't really your parents? Jeff Colby was really Jason's son.

Or hiding children in foreign countries so your ex doesn't find out about them?
Amanda

Sleeping with the same guy that your daughter is sleeping with?
Alexis and Fallon with Mark

Sleeping with your mother's husband? Your stepdaddy? (yuck)
Amanda and Dex

Love IT!!!!!

[Mrs Mangel]

Posted: 5/28/08 at 5:05am

correct me if I'm wrong- Amanda's first appearance in "Dynasty" was when Alexis was locked up with the hookers. Is that right? I do remember Catherine Oxenberg in some very stylish '80's number and huge hair walking slowly down the row of cells.

[jeniferrenepatricia]

Posted: 5/28/08 at 5:47am

You know what? I couldn't remember either....I went to the "Dynasty" website and looked it up. She appeared at Alexis's apartment after Alexis was acquitted for the murder of Mark Jennings. Also, I just read that Dex was Alexis's "fiance" when Amanda slept with him- I thought him and Alexis were already married. Didn't they have another fling once Dex married Alexis? I remember them talking in a lobby, then Dex going into Amanda's room....am I crazy?