Little Known Chuck Norris Facts
Little Known Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck3
Swing Joined: 10/20/05
#0Little Known Chuck Norris Facts
Posted: 10/20/05 at 9:38am
LITTLE KNOWN FACTS ABOUT CHUCK NORRIS
While playing the role of a Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris used live
ammunition during all shoot outs. When the director explained that he can't do
that, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and roundhouse kicked him
in the face.
If paper beats rock, and rock beats scissors, what beats all 3 at the
same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and
saying "booya".
Chuck Norris puts the m's on M&Ms.
When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris
plays dead. When playing dead doesn't work, he plays zombie.
It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: The
Light Side, The Dark Side, and Chuck Norris.
Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world's hardest
substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the
face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure that the scientists turned
into artificial Chuck Norrisi.
Chuck Norris carries a messenger bag. If you call it a purse, he pulls a
baby out of the bag and throws it at you. The baby will blow up upon
impact.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a
beard.
God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for
a +500 gain to roundhouse ability.
New Years Eve 1998, Chuck Norris was at a party, when the clock struck
twelve, instead of kissing someone, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked
everyone at the party. He then proceeded to roundhouse kick everyone on the
street, and the whole city. He has been doing this ever since.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
When Chuck Norris was denied a McGriddle at McDonalds because it was
10:35, He roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heart burn.
A ducks quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this
phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you grimly.
Chuck Norris was a hidden playable character on Mortal Kombat 2 on the
Sega Genesis.
Chuck Norris is known for his modesty but readily admits that he is the
8th wonder of the natural world.
Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Jackie Chan in a game of chess. When
Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Chan in the side of
the face.
Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer
space by the naked eye.
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
Chuck Norris goes to the toilet once a month, if he needs to or not.
Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a con dom.
Chuck Norris can cut onions without crying.
Chuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was experimenting with
water.
There are in fact 31 letters of the English Alphabet however only Chuck
Norris knows what the extra 5 letters are.
Occasionally Chuck Norris will call up the Power Rangers just to say hi.
Chuck Norris has no concept of time, if you go to his house you won't
find a single clock. When you ask to leave because it's getting late he stares
at you blankly until you sit back down.
If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies just check the extinct
species list.
Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
Chuck Norris once ate a banana without having to peel it.
If Chuck Norris had a dollar and you had a dollar, Chuck would kick your
a$s and take your dollar.
When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said,
"Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back
five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up
a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce.
When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to
the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake
before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norris' house is a Total Gym.
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling,
"Bang!"
In a recent interview, Chuck Norris told Entertainment Tonight co-host
Mary Hart that his most memorable role was when he played the third breast on
the hooker in "Total Recall".
Chuck Norris once did a back flip off the Great Wall of China.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.
Chuck Norris can divide by Zero
Chuck Norris caught all 386 pokemon in just under 2.7 seconds. He says
he won't trade any of them for anything.
If Superman and the Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who
would win: Chuck Norris.
Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.
Chuck Norris eats Transformer toys in vehicle mode and poops them out
transformed into a robot.
In one episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton
for one scene and nobody noticed.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris was dropped at Hiroshima and
Nagasaki.
Chuck Norris broke his own leg, purely for the sake of winning the
special olympics.
Chuck Norris is where babies come from.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win
the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out
of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card
from the game UNO.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
On the 7th day, God rested. Chuck Norris took over.
Biologically, Chuck Norris is his own step-father.
Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse
kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended
or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
Chuck Norris consumes 87 cans of mayonnaise in a week.
Chuck Norris invented water.
Chuck Norris will never fully be male nor female. Doctors once asked him
which he preferred. He gave them an ad for a Total Gym.
Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn't find one. He walked to
a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone
constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then
burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the
flames, 'Always leave things the way you found em!'"
One time while sparring with wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost
his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by it's
technical term: Jupiter.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the Blue Ringed Octopus of
Eastern Australia, is the most venomous creature on Earth. Within 3
minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms:
Fever, Blurred Vision, Beard Rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of
being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's father.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word,
he simply changes the actual spelling of it.
BEFORE SCIENCE WAS INVENTED IT WAS ONCE BELIEVED THAT AUTUMN OCCURED WHEN CHUCK NORRIS ROUNDHOUSE KICKED EVERY TREE IN EXISTENCE.
BEFORE EMAIL WAS INVENTED CHUCK NORRIS WOULD ATTACH PICTURES OF HIS ROUNDHOUSE KICKS TO PIGEONS AND ROUNDHOUSE KICK THEM.
IN THE ORIGINAL PILOT FOR STAR TREK NEXT GEN CHUCK NORRIS CAN BE SEEN POWERING THE USS ENTERPRISE WARP DRIVE WITH HIS ROUNDHOUSE KICKS
THE WAS A TIME WHEN CHUCK NORRIS WAS LABELLED AS A MERE GOD OF MEN, MORE RECENTLY HE HAS TAKEN THE LOFTY TITLE OF "TENESEES JUNIOR EMBROIDERER OF THE YEAR".
CHUCK NORRIS WAS ONCE ASKED TO RECOMMEND A CLUB TO WHICH HE REPLIED ‘I AM A CLUB’ AND EVERYONE PARTIED ON HIM.. UNTIL HE ROUNDHOUSE KICKED THEM ALL BECAUSE SOMEONE SPLIT HIS PINT.
Marquise
Broadway Legend Joined: 6/1/04
#4re: Little Known Chuck Norris Facts
Posted: 10/20/05 at 10:06am
oh my, another Newbie who knows not what it is doing........
besides not being funny, it's truly a boring post........add another to my ignore list
It is ridiculous to set a detective story in New York City. New York City is itself a detective story...
AGATHA CHRISTIE, Life magazine, May 14, 1956
#5re: Little Known Chuck Norris Facts
Posted: 10/20/05 at 11:45am
I don't know what you guys are talking about, this was the most amusing thing of my day as of yet.
I never knew Chuck Norris jokes existed, and I was laughin at the absurdity of some of them, it's funny lol.
I dunno, maybe I have a bad sense of humor... either way, i don't care, I had a good time reading the post.
#6re: Little Known Chuck Norris Facts
Posted: 10/20/05 at 11:45am
I don't know what you guys are talking about, this was the most amusing thing of my day as of yet.
I never knew Chuck Norris jokes existed, and I was laughin at the absurdity of some of them, it's funny lol.
I dunno, maybe I have a bad sense of humor... either way, i don't care, I had a good time reading the post.
SorryGrateful
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/10/05
#7re: Little Known Chuck Norris Facts
Posted: 10/20/05 at 11:56amI... I just... I...
You promised me poems. ~Tricky
#8re: Little Known Chuck Norris Facts
Posted: 10/20/05 at 11:58amIs it wrong that I am most annoyed by the fact that he spelled Tennessee's "TENESEES"?
#9re: Little Known Chuck Norris Facts
Posted: 10/20/05 at 11:58amWho is Chuck Norris?
I stand corrected, you are as vapid as they say.
SorryGrateful
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/10/05
#10re: Little Known Chuck Norris Facts
Posted: 10/20/05 at 12:08pm
yoda-- I was annoyed by the same thing. You are not alone.
penguin-- Oh, penguin... *hugs*
I'm beginning to think that we are a--holes. But, seriously, if this is the only material we're given from new people, aren't we justified? A philosophical thought for the day.
You promised me poems. ~Tricky
#11re: Little Known Chuck Norris Facts
Posted: 10/20/05 at 12:16pmAll newbies must be forced to pass the "feats of strength" and "proof of not being a f***ing idiot" tests before they post. If they fail we may feel free to mock and deride them at every opportunity.
I stand corrected, you are as vapid as they say.
SorryGrateful
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/10/05
#12re: Little Known Chuck Norris Facts
Posted: 10/20/05 at 12:19pmI knew there was a reason that you're my favorite penguin.
You promised me poems. ~Tricky
#13re: Little Known Chuck Norris Facts
Posted: 10/20/05 at 12:21pm
I still have no idea who Chuck Norris is though, apparently a character or actor, I can't even figure it out completely reading this guys post. Walker Texas Ranger, was that a TV show?
Nevermind I'd rather not know, I think.
I stand corrected, you are as vapid as they say.
SorryGrateful
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/10/05
#14re: Little Known Chuck Norris Facts
Posted: 10/20/05 at 12:26pmpenguin, penguin, penguin, it's your duty as an Amurrican citizen to know who Chuck Norris is! Walker Texas Ranger was this amazing show about, yes, Texas Rangers and whose a$$es they kick. Along with Chuck Norris, it starred that guy who was the second token black man on Matlock. My mom loves the show, if that proves anything.
You promised me poems. ~Tricky
#15re: Little Known Chuck Norris Facts
Posted: 10/20/05 at 12:32pm
Oops, I failed as an American again. Too bad, that is too many times to count.
I looked at the website, Chuck screamed at me, then I learned he has had a rockin' mullet, and a blackbelt. Also this a$$ kicking Ranger show was "Best Christian Program" and this guy was in movies. All reason I had never heard of him.
I stand corrected, you are as vapid as they say.
Cruel_Sandwich
Broadway Legend Joined: 6/30/05
#16re: Little Known Chuck Norris Facts
Posted: 10/20/05 at 12:35pm
Aww somebody got to the Chuck Norris jokes before I could 
#17re: Little Known Chuck Norris Facts
Posted: 10/20/05 at 12:53pmChuck is probably best known for his work in commercials, hawking furniture in Houston. And making out with Sean Hannity. In a purely figurative sense, of course.
#18re: Little Known Chuck Norris Facts
Posted: 10/20/05 at 12:57pmOf course there are Chuck Norris jokes -- have you seen his body of work?
TheatreDiva90016
Broadway Legend Joined: 4/10/04
#20re: Little Known Chuck Norris Facts
Posted: 10/20/05 at 1:21pm
I think the moderators need to start screening the newbies.
What a waste of band space
"TheatreDiva90016 - another good reason to frequent these boards less."<<>>
“I hesitate to give this line of discussion the validation it so desperately craves by perpetuating it, but the light from logic is getting further and further away with your every successive post.” <<>>
-whatever2
SorryGrateful
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/10/05
#21re: Little Known Chuck Norris Facts
Posted: 10/20/05 at 1:45pm
Malificent agrees with you, Diva.
P.S. Yay! I'm in your signature! But boo! I'm uncredited. It's OK; I'm used to being used.
You promised me poems. ~Tricky
Jon
Broadway Legend Joined: 2/20/04
#22re: Little Known Chuck Norris Facts
Posted: 10/20/05 at 1:54pm
Everything onthe original post comed from a website where anyone can post a "fact". Every time you refresh the screen, a new "fact" appears.
Here's a link for the "Random Vin Deisel Fact" website.
random vin deisel fact generator
Chuck3
Swing Joined: 10/20/05
#23re: Little Known Chuck Norris Facts
Posted: 10/21/05 at 6:09am
Chuck Norris was once accused of similar 'newbie' assaults on OFF TOPIC message boards, although unlike myself, Chuck Norris won the arguement through a well timed roundhouse kick.
You're right most are copied from another site, my favourite ones, also I added some of my own in there, thank-you for the correction of the spelling of Tenneessessee.
Since I'm not from the states I find it's culture, humo(u)r and actors somewhat intriguing, is Tenneessessee near the Mississisippi?
#24re: Little Known Chuck Norris Facts
Posted: 10/21/05 at 10:38amget a map
It is ridiculous to set a detective story in New York City. New York City is itself a detective story...
AGATHA CHRISTIE, Life magazine, May 14, 1956
#25re: Little Known Chuck Norris Facts
Posted: 10/21/05 at 2:25pmOh dear is right.
"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion."
-- Author Unknown
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