My life has taken a nose dive

You know I have family that can take care of this situation.

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And here is the kicker.



I work with the bastard (he doesn't know that I have been told)!

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Updated On: 10/16/06 at 01:23 PM

I called her today and when she confessed to it, I hung up on her and she has called me back a few times, but I don't want to talk to her about it. There is more to it than just name calling (I mean, there is no physical abuse that I know of). When she broke up with him and started dating another guy, he called her about 20 times a day . . . came to her house and wouldn't leave when she asked him to . .. keeps writing stupid love poems . . . tells her that whatever boyfriend she gets has to go through him, etc. I mean, he is psycho. I am scared that he is going to eventually hurt her.

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Yeah, me and her are REALLY close. I guess I am just going to have to sit back and let her do her own thing, even though I am mad as hell. This is her life afterall. I am going to talk to her later and let her know everything that I am feeling and why I feel this way and be behind her in whatever she chooses.

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She's trying to be in touch with you - seriously, you need to be discussing this with her, not us.

Don't cut her off.

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spiderdj82 - I have this problem with both sisters. One has been physically abused by her husband and both are psychologically abused. My entire family has urged both girls to leave their men behind and given them everything in way of support possible to get away. We have also put both guys in their place and let them know what was what until he is out of our lives.

Unconditional support is the most important thing. My sister acts crazy and even sides with her man. It's important to put yourself in her shoes and understand where and why she might be involved with this person. Some 60% of all marriages end in divorce so I doubt very much your sister will be with him forever. I had a whole conversation with my sister yesterday about her baby daddy and not buying a house with him. That sister is smart enough to know things are temporary.

Just be sure and not rush to judgment. Most people take offense to being called "wrong" and then proceed to shut you out. Keep showing her love and support from your side so she will have somewhere to fall. If she doesn't have support, she's gonna fall right back with him. None of that "told ya so" business. Love is never easy.

As hard as it is to stand back and watch your sister do this, that's pretty much all you can do. All you can really do is be there for her. I have a friend in a similar situation (she's "friends with benefits" with a guy who has a girlfriend and who constantly jerks her around) and as much as I want to grab her and shake her sometimes, I can't. As much as I want to tear him a new one, I can't. All I can do is be there for her and hope to God she finally comes to her senses.

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He's showing the early signs of a physical abuser. You've described all the symptoms. I'm afraid telling your sister this won't help at this point. Keep close to her-she may need you.

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I would ask your sister why she thinks so little of herself to be with him?

I know this is common, but it's so very tragic.

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I"m glad you know a lot about light bulb relationships.

What Spidey is describing is an abusive situation and has pathology. The one who is abused in this situation is someone with low self esteem. If you're so fascinated, then it would probably be very interesting to you to do some research on abusive relationships.

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I have been in the emergency room with my sister after she was attacked by her husband. I've seen both of my sisters go from fully independent lives and into something, that is hardly an existence. We had an intervention with the physically abused sister and it did not work... I’ve seen their husbands turn from “normal” men into tyrannical monsters.

Actually, you know what? In 1997 I did an interview with Denise Brown, Nicole Brown Simpson's sister for a college television program. As well, as visit to abused women’s shelter. I learned a lot about the cycle of abuse and it's roots, Denise was in the same situation as myself and many other people with abused friends and family. She didn’t realize what was going on until it was too late.

I'm not trying to make light of the situation. You know what the consulers told my family after multiple attempts to intervene? They said either he would kill my sister, or she would kill him. We work everyday to make sure she is safe and moving out of that situation.


I guess I mention my personal experience because I know what it is like to be in a relationship where it is more of an addiction. I come back even if it’s not the best thing for me. Talking down to victims will not empower these women and it’s not going to break the cycle. Also it’s a message board, I’m hardly about to diagnosis someone as being an abusive mate. It’s good you are calling attention to this though.

that truly sucks.

I sorta know how you feel in an indirect way.




in other news, the phrase "babies daddy" is really, sorta, comical methinks

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