#26
Posted: 5/25/05 at 5:42pm
So, basically, thus far the majority opinion in this thread seems to be one of an ownership issue. If people are in a relationship, basically, they own the other person and don't want to see them get sexual satisfaction with others because, among other things, jealousy might arise.
Newsflash, if you're the type for whom jealousy might arise, it's not going to not arise if your partner is sexually exclusive to you. It will arise anyway.
What seems to be lacking here is discussion that people's experiences are different according to a whole host of reasons. Is it a male-male couple, a male-female couple, or a female-female couple we're talking about?
I think if most long term couples are honest, after about a decade or so, they'd tell you the sexual spark has diminished if not been extinguished.
I've known many gay male couples that have lasted over 20 years. None of them has been a sexually monogamous couple. They have all been completely dedicated to remaining emotionally commmitted to their partners, while also remaining committed to communicating about their needs and feelings.
That's a pretty tall order for a lot of people. And I actually HAVE spoken to some people who have told me that they would rather NOT have sex in their relationship and live with that, than think about their partner having sex with somebody else. Struck me as sad.
Personally, I don't feel a need to believe that I am the be all and end all of sexual experience for a partner. I'm secure in who I am and don't need constant reinforcement. I have been in monogamous and non-monogamous situations, I can really go with the flow. Neither is more important than the other to me, I just kind of went with what my partner wanted.
What matters is that at the end of the day, who is the person "with" emotionally? If the answer is me, I'm satisfied.
Newsflash, if you're the type for whom jealousy might arise, it's not going to not arise if your partner is sexually exclusive to you. It will arise anyway.
What seems to be lacking here is discussion that people's experiences are different according to a whole host of reasons. Is it a male-male couple, a male-female couple, or a female-female couple we're talking about?
I think if most long term couples are honest, after about a decade or so, they'd tell you the sexual spark has diminished if not been extinguished.
I've known many gay male couples that have lasted over 20 years. None of them has been a sexually monogamous couple. They have all been completely dedicated to remaining emotionally commmitted to their partners, while also remaining committed to communicating about their needs and feelings.
That's a pretty tall order for a lot of people. And I actually HAVE spoken to some people who have told me that they would rather NOT have sex in their relationship and live with that, than think about their partner having sex with somebody else. Struck me as sad.
Personally, I don't feel a need to believe that I am the be all and end all of sexual experience for a partner. I'm secure in who I am and don't need constant reinforcement. I have been in monogamous and non-monogamous situations, I can really go with the flow. Neither is more important than the other to me, I just kind of went with what my partner wanted.
What matters is that at the end of the day, who is the person "with" emotionally? If the answer is me, I'm satisfied.
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