Paul Lynde

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Paul Lynde

Posted: 6/16/15 at 9:25pm

Peter Marshall: True or false...there are more psychiatrists in Beverly Hills than plumbers.
Paul Lynde: When my toilet's backed up, I don't care who fixes it.

...Peter Marshall: Eddie Fisher recently stated, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for them both.” Who or what was he referring to?
Paul Lynde: His fans.

Peter Marshall: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?
Paul Lynde: Make him bark.

Peter Marshall: If the right part comes along, will George C. Scott do a nude scene?
Paul Lynde: You mean he doesn't have the right part?

Peter Marshall: According to Tony Randall, "Every woman I've been intimate with in my life has been..." What?
Paul Lynde: Bitterly disappointed.

Peter Marshall: Prometheus was tied to the top of a mountain by the gods because he had given something to man. What did he give us?
Paul Lynde: I don't know what you got, but I got a sports shirt.

Peter Marshall: What do you call a man who gives you diamonds and pearls?
Paul Lynde: I'd call him "darling"!

Peter Marshall: Is it possible for the puppies in a litter to have more than one daddy?
Paul Lynde: Why, that bitch!

Peter Marshall: Fred Astaire says, his mother has been trying to get him to do this since he was 35. But he hasn't done it and says he won't do it until he's ready. Do what?
Paul Lynde: Move out of the house!

Peter Marshall: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body—what is it?
Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected!

Peter Marshall: Elizabeth Taylor calls it 'the Big One.' What is it?
Paul Lynde: They both look the same to me!

Peter Marshall: Lana Turner recently said, "I won't do it because I haven't stopped living my life by a long shot." What won't she do?
Paul Lynde: The Merv Griffin Show.

Peter Marshall: Paul. a recent navy picture had Admiral Zumwalt kissing Admiral Duirk. Why?
Paul Lynde: Too long at sea!

Peter Marshall: When Henry Kissinger recently visited Japan, he went to a Geisha House, now how did he spent his time in the Geisha House?
Paul Lynde: Negotiating for peace.

Peter Marshall: Nathan Hale, one of the heroes of the American Revolution, was hung. Why?
Paul Lynde: Heredity!

Peter Marshall: Now listen carefully, Paul...during the time of the hula hoop, the yo-yo, and Davy Crockett hats, who was in the White House?
Paul Lynde: I'll say the yo-yo.

Peter Marshall: Glen Campbell recently stated, “Love to me is something you ..." Something you what?
Paul Lynde: Purchase.

Peter Marshall: Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
Paul Lynde: Loneliness.

Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
Paul Lynde: Point and laugh

Peter Marshall: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Peter Marshall: Who are more likely to be romantically responsive. Women under thirty or women over thirty?
Paul Lynde: I don’t have a third choice…?

Peter Marshall: Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Peter Marshall: Oh, Paul, what would we ever do without you?
Paul Lynde: Replace me with Charles Nelson Reilly.

"Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.” ~ Muhammad Ali

Paul Lynde

Posted: 6/16/15 at 11:16pm

I remember seeing this one:

Peter Marshall: Is it true that Playtex has come out with a musical bra?

Paul Lynde: The hills are alive with the sound of music.

If anyone ever tells you that you put too much Parmesan cheese on your pasta, stop talking to them. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.

Paul Lynde

Posted: 6/17/15 at 12:24am

Thanks, you two! Love these!

Paul Lynde

Posted: 6/17/15 at 7:44am

"Does standing a five-month-old baby on his legs make him bow legged?"

"No. You've got to push down on him."

Paul Lynde

Posted: 6/17/15 at 8:17am

I want Paul Lynde: The Complete Collection.

Paul Lynde

Posted: 6/17/15 at 9:54am

Did the stars know the questions before or was Lynde's mind that fast? Some of the stuff he said was comedy gold.

If anyone ever tells you that you put too much Parmesan cheese on your pasta, stop talking to them. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.

Paul Lynde

Posted: 6/17/15 at 10:06am

Yes, they knew the questions.

Stephanatic

Paul Lynde

Posted: 6/17/15 at 10:08am

Found a few more that tickled my funny bone:

According to the French chef, Julia Child, how much is a pinch?

Just enough to turn her on.

Dale Evans recently revealed the three secrets behind her happy marriage with Roy Rogers. Now listen carefully..."We work together, we pray together, and we're darn good..." What?

In the saddle.

In the early days of Hollywood, who was usually found atop Tony the Wonder Horse?

My Friend Flicka.

Paul Lynde

Posted: 6/17/15 at 10:13am

Some of the real-life stories about him are just as funny as the "Squares" stuff--like the time he got pulled over for DUI, and when the cop walked up to his car window, Lynde said "I'll have a cheeseburger and fries."

And then there's the infamous airplane story--which, according to his biographers, is true.

#10

Paul Lynde

Posted: 6/17/15 at 11:00am

What's the infamous airplane story?

#11

Paul Lynde

Posted: 6/17/15 at 11:12am

Why this name today?

#12

Paul Lynde

Posted: 6/17/15 at 11:28am

I accidentally logged on to that account and posted. I created that account as a joke about 2 years ago and used it for about 1/2 a second to get on sue storm's nerves. I even forgot I had created it.

Updated On: 6/17/15 at 11:28 AM

#13

Paul Lynde

Posted: 6/17/15 at 11:30am

I love the infamous airline story! I can actually see and hear his delivery!

Those Blocked: SueStorm. N2N Nate. Good riddence to stupid! Rad-Z, shill begone!

#14

Paul Lynde

Posted: 6/17/15 at 11:30am

Not sure if this is what inspired Borstalboy to start this thread, but the anniversary of Paul's birth was just a few days ago (13th).

#15

Paul Lynde

Posted: 6/17/15 at 11:43am

So, no one wants to share Paul Lynde's infamous airline story with me?

#16

Paul Lynde

Posted: 6/17/15 at 11:45am

Guess not.

#17

Paul Lynde

Posted: 6/17/15 at 11:49am

PRS do yourself a big favor and don't interact with me or better yet block me. It's obvious you can't stand me and at this point I really don't give two flying f*cks. Your passive aggressiveness ways are f*cking lame. Grow a pair of balls and keep it real.

Updated On: 6/17/15 at 11:49 AM

#18

Paul Lynde

Posted: 6/17/15 at 12:17pm

The airline story is easily googled.

"Carson has combined his passion for helping children with his love for one of Cincinnati's favorite past times - cornhole - to create a unique and exciting event perfect for a corporate outing, entertaining clients or family fun."

"In Oz, the verb is douchifizzation." PRS

#19

Paul Lynde

Posted: 6/17/15 at 12:18pm

I didn't know about the airline story before, but I found a couple of mentions online. So, depending on the version, there was either a crying baby, or an unruly little kid running up and down the plane aisle, or a kid sitting in its mom's lap and kicking the seat in front of them.... and finally Paul Lynde, fed up, tells the mom that if she doesn't quiet or control the baby/kid, he's going to "f" it.

#20

Paul Lynde

Posted: 6/17/15 at 12:39pm

If misery were snow fella - you'd be a blizzard!

http://www.harpiesbizarre.com/sound/BW%20Arthur%20if%20misery%20were%20snow.mp3

Updated On: 6/17/15 at 12:39 PM

#21

Paul Lynde

Posted: 6/17/15 at 12:53pm

Oh, baby. Know what else is passive-aggressive? "So, no one wants to share Paul Lynde's infamous airline story with me?"

I can stand you. Part of me suspects you can't stand yourself, though.

Updated On: 6/17/15 at 12:53 PM

#22

Paul Lynde

Posted: 6/17/15 at 1:11pm

Girls, you are both pretty.

And Carlos, you know the "grow a pair of balls' line is very innapropriate.

"TheatreDiva90016 - another good reason to frequent these boards less."<<>> “I hesitate to give this line of discussion the validation it so desperately craves by perpetuating it, but the light from logic is getting further and further away with your every successive post.” <<>> -whatever2

#23

Paul Lynde

Posted: 6/17/15 at 1:41pm

Oh damn. You're right Diva. You know I honestly forgot. That was insensitive...even for me. I would never joke about something as serious as that.

#24

Paul Lynde

Posted: 6/17/15 at 1:58pm

"That was insensitive...even for me."

I owe you an amends. I thought you had no self-awareness at all.

Twitter @NamoInExile Instagram none

Updated On: 6/17/15 at 01:58 PM

#25

Paul Lynde

Posted: 6/17/15 at 2:38pm

Back to the topic at hand...

Paul was VERY funny, but a nasty, mean person. Especially when he drank.

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