Single and the City
Single and the City
#0Single and the City
Posted: 5/18/06 at 11:44pm
Why do so many people think that one has to have a boyfriend to be complete or happy? I mean–didn’t Sex and the City teach us anything besides the joys of Manolo Blahnik shoes and the woes of funky spunk? Yeah, so all four girls ended up with someone, but they did so when they were ready. They did so when a person worthy of settling down with came along. The character I least identified with was Charlotte and her desperate need to have a husband–ANY husband. Not only do I want to have fun, I want to have complete control and freedom of my life right now. I want to be able to make any decision I please regarding my career and life. And if someone surprises me by being worthy enough, I’ll cross that bridge when it comes along. I’m enjoying finding happiness and completion within myself. And that’s not some bull****, “just fooling myself” psycho-babble. It’s how I truly feel. Sure, I went through a period of desperately wanting a boyfriend. But I’m done with that. And, I refuse to be one of those people who meets a guy and after having what could have been just a one night stand and nice conversation decides to whine and sigh over wanting him to be “my boyfriend”. I’m not going to wait for him to call and be sad that my new virtual boyfriend isn’t getting to spend New Year’s Eve with me, calling this guy I’ve seen once at midnight to say “Happy New Years! I really like you!” just because he gave me his phone number. Those are games I have no desire to play again–ever.
And, if I don’t have a boyfriend until I’m 40-something. Fine. I have the rest of my life to settle down and make compromises. Right now, it’s all for me.
But why does this threaten other people?
#1re: Single and the City
Posted: 5/19/06 at 12:10am
I have to attend my first yankee wedding as a single soon. I am not happy about it just because I think that the couples look at me with pity. My friends that are getting married have no passion. Some friends asked him if she was pretty and he said, "Eh, she's alright." COME ON! You want to spend the rest of your life with a person that you would tell your friends looks, "alright?" She likes his money, he likes the idea of not being alone. I want the whole package or I am just as happy without the (+1) next to my name on the guest list.
Pretty pretty please don't you ever ever feel like you're less than f**ckin' perfect!
Updated On: 5/19/06 at 12:10 AM
#3re: Single and the City
Posted: 5/19/06 at 12:21am
I'm with you, Jerby.
I am single and love it. I don't have baggage, I can go do what I want, when I want to. I'm happy with myself, don't rely on others, and I really enjoy it. I am living life as I want, and think everyone should do the same!
#4re: Single and the City
Posted: 5/19/06 at 12:23am
So why IS it that some people think you can only be happy if you have a mate? Why CAN'T you be happy with yourself and family and friends?
Besides the fact that I love playing the field. I have wild oats to sow. (yes, there are still some left! :P)
#5re: Single and the City
Posted: 5/19/06 at 9:08amwait. queers can live to 40-something?!?
XING
PED
PED
#6re: Single and the City
Posted: 5/19/06 at 9:16am
"I’m enjoying finding happiness and completion within myself."
I couldn't agree more- I am the king of the self-help book.
I also think this is one possible reason why some people are desperate for a mate- they have no desire/make no attempt at bettering themselves and searching for what they truly want.
RobbO- I think after 40, we are shipped to Provicetown or something.
http://preppylife.tumblr.com/
#7re: Single and the City
Posted: 5/19/06 at 9:43am
Actually, after 40 is when GAY really begins.
For what it's worth, I met my partner when I was 39, as my mother was dying. They say love comes when you least expect it.
Best self-help book on these issues: Harvile Hendrix's KEEPING THE LOVE YOU FIND: A Guide for Singles
His theory of the Imago is wide enough to encompass everything and specific enough to really feel true. His books are geared toward heterosexuals but for the the past 7-8 years he has been training lesbian and gay Imago therapists all over the country.
KEEPING THE LOVE YOU FIND: A Guide for Singles
#9re: Single and the City
Posted: 5/19/06 at 9:50amDangling these self-help books in front of me is like opening a bag of Cheetos in front of Britney.
http://preppylife.tumblr.com/
colleen_lee
Broadway Legend Joined: 8/16/05
#10re: Single and the City
Posted: 5/19/06 at 10:08am
Cheers to that Jerby!
Boyfriends are exhausting, confining, time-consuming creatures. I have my whole life to be tethered to another human being. Now is my time to be selfish and care-free and maybe a little slutty. Without obligations or commitments. To be able to change careers and move across the country without thought of how it may affect another person.
That's not to say that if the perfect man walked into my life today I wouldn't go for it. But I am sure as hell not out looking for love and, frankly, I am happier single than I ever was in a relationship.
"You just can't win. Ever. Look at the bright side, at least you are not stuck in First Wives Club: The Musical. That would really suck. "
--Sueleen Gay
#11re: Single and the City
Posted: 5/19/06 at 10:17am
HELLO ... expert here!!! 
You don't rack up hundreds of ex's by being committal!
In all seriousness, I'm very glad (as Colleen so eloquently wrote) that I was able to explore my life options in my 20's and 30's. My true great love came to me in my mid forties and it was true and great because of those life experiences. I'm still on the journey--although I'm liking the latest guy A LOT.
#12re: Single and the City
Posted: 5/19/06 at 10:20amIf you don't explore, you'll never find guys who keep a shrine to the late pope in their apartment. My chaff is always a lot more fun than my wheat.
#13re: Single and the City
Posted: 5/19/06 at 10:20amso, somms, what you are saying is that size matters?
XING
PED
PED
#14re: Single and the City
Posted: 5/19/06 at 10:26am
Yes RobbO, that is what I'm saying and why we are no longer together. And Jerby, call me!
Updated On: 5/19/06 at 10:26 AM
#15re: Single and the City
Posted: 5/19/06 at 11:01am
While there's nothing wrong with being single and enjoying being a single person, there's also nothing wrong with those of us who know ourselves and know that we are happiest and at our best when we have someone to share our lives with. I don't need a self-help book to tell me who I am or to validate my lifestyle choices. I know and love myself for what I am and have found that there are often quite a few men who recognize and are attracted to that. There's nothing wrong with that or with me (or anyone else) for choosing to be in a relationship with someone. As for making my own career and life choices, I don't feel it's always something in which a boyfriend plays a role. Perhaps it's risky of me, but I have always done what is right for me no matter the effect it has on my romantic relationships. Independence and a relationship do not have to be mutually exclusive. You can have both but you have to find the right person and be secure enough in who you are not to be lost in the relationship.
To each his or her own. If you're happy, good for you. I just wanted to respond for those of us who might feel like we're being attacked or judged for our choices.
kissmycookie
Broadway Legend Joined: 7/21/04
#16re: Single and the City
Posted: 5/19/06 at 11:17am
Amen, katygrace!
Single.
VERY okay with it.
But so happy for all my friends who are in their relationships and loving it too.
#17re: Single and the City
Posted: 5/19/06 at 11:20am
I don't think it threatens people to not have a significant other, I think some people are just past the whole "yay for being single and doing whatever I want to do" phase. And they aren't only happy if they have a mate, they would just be happier.
P actually think part of it may be centered around if/when you want to have kids (either biologically or adopting). A lot of people want to have kkids when they are young. I know people who wanted to start having kids in their early to mid twenties so their kids could really get to know their grandparents before they were in nursing homes.
And there can be a lot of pressure to be with someone from others. Family members always asking why you are still single, all your friends being in relationships, people consistantly trying to set you up with someone. It gets to the point when you want a relationship to shut people up. Also, I know a LOT of people who won't even kiss someone unless they know that a relationship with that person is a big possibility in the very near future. So they look for significant others for all those reasons.
I am not all woohoo I am single. I am freaking sick of it and am hoping someone relationship worthy comes along. It doesn't mean I am not happy with myself and family and friends, it means that I want the complete package. I want that person and don't want to waste my time with someone that doesn't come close.
Maybe this will all change when I get to Hofstra, but I doubt it. I have done enough on my own already and want to start sharing parts of my life with someone else. I finally know what I want to do with my life want someone to share it with.
And I am happy with that.I was typing when you posted that but I agree completly
And to katygrace84-exactly!
Updated On: 5/19/06 at 11:20 AM
#18re: Single and the City
Posted: 5/19/06 at 11:29am
Somebody, hold me too close,
Somebody, hurt me too deep,
Somebody, sit in my chair
And ruin my sleep
And make me aware
Of being alive,
Being alive.
Somebody, need me too much,
Somebody, know me too well,
Somebody, pull me up short
And put me through hell
And give me support
For being alive,
Make me alive.
Make me confused,
Mock me with praise,
Let me be used,
Vary my days.
But alone is alone, not alive.
Somebody, crowd me with love,
Somebody, force me to care,
Somebody, make me come through,
I'll always be there,
As frightened as you,
To help us survive
Being alive,
Being alive,
Being alive!
"Y'all have a GRAND day now"
#19re: Single and the City
Posted: 5/19/06 at 11:41am
It would be lovely to have a significant other, but frankly I have a lot going on in my life right now and am content with the way it is. Certainly no one I know is "threatened" by my status - friends just want you to be happy, and if they are happy in their partnerships, it's natural that they would want you to have the same experience.
I know my best friend wants me to be in a good relationship - although she doesn't and wouldn't harp on it, it's clear. Then again, she's been married for 25+ years and is blissfully happy - why wouldn't she want her friends to have that too? I take her wishes from whence they come - from love and caring.
Have I ever shown you my Shattered Dreams box? It's in my Disappointment Closet. - Marge Simpson
#20re: Single and the City
Posted: 5/19/06 at 11:42amHmmm...somehow I keep hearing two particulat Sex & the City lines in my head. The first is when MIranda gets asked if she's seeing anyone special: "No. But I am seeing a lot of un-special guys." And my girl Charlotte: "I CHOOSE MY CHOICE!!"
#21re: Single and the City
Posted: 5/19/06 at 12:14pm
katy--I'm sorry if this thread came off as an attack on people who choose (or didn't choose-it just happened) to be in a relationship.
It is only an attack toward those who judge those who choose to be single. I think it's fine if a person feels they are better off having a mate. But to then regard people who don't feel that way as having problems is just inane.
kissmycookie
Broadway Legend Joined: 7/21/04
#22re: Single and the City
Posted: 5/19/06 at 12:27pmIs that judgement having been rendered? Or interpreting actions to be judgements? Two different things...
#23re: Single and the City
Posted: 5/19/06 at 12:49pm
Cookie, it's been rendered. To my face and behind my back.
And, yes, that would explain my passive aggressive creation of this thread. Though I truly wanted a good discussion on this issue. I just wanted to make sure I'm not crazy for liking being single.
kissmycookie
Broadway Legend Joined: 7/21/04
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