Single and the City

I have to attend my first yankee wedding as a single soon. I am not happy about it just because I think that the couples look at me with pity. My friends that are getting married have no passion. Some friends asked him if she was pretty and he said, "Eh, she's alright." COME ON! You want to spend the rest of your life with a person that you would tell your friends looks, "alright?" She likes his money, he likes the idea of not being alone. I want the whole package or I am just as happy without the (+1) next to my name on the guest list.

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Updated On: 5/19/06 at 12:10 AM

I'm with you, Jerby.

I am single and love it. I don't have baggage, I can go do what I want, when I want to. I'm happy with myself, don't rely on others, and I really enjoy it. I am living life as I want, and think everyone should do the same!

wait. queers can live to 40-something?!?

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Actually, after 40 is when GAY really begins.

For what it's worth, I met my partner when I was 39, as my mother was dying. They say love comes when you least expect it.

Best self-help book on these issues: Harvile Hendrix's KEEPING THE LOVE YOU FIND: A Guide for Singles

His theory of the Imago is wide enough to encompass everything and specific enough to really feel true. His books are geared toward heterosexuals but for the the past 7-8 years he has been training lesbian and gay Imago therapists all over the country.
KEEPING THE LOVE YOU FIND: A Guide for Singles

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Dangling these self-help books in front of me is like opening a bag of Cheetos in front of Britney.

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HELLO ... expert here!!!
You don't rack up hundreds of ex's by being committal!
In all seriousness, I'm very glad (as Colleen so eloquently wrote) that I was able to explore my life options in my 20's and 30's. My true great love came to me in my mid forties and it was true and great because of those life experiences. I'm still on the journey--although I'm liking the latest guy A LOT.

so, somms, what you are saying is that size matters?

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While there's nothing wrong with being single and enjoying being a single person, there's also nothing wrong with those of us who know ourselves and know that we are happiest and at our best when we have someone to share our lives with. I don't need a self-help book to tell me who I am or to validate my lifestyle choices. I know and love myself for what I am and have found that there are often quite a few men who recognize and are attracted to that. There's nothing wrong with that or with me (or anyone else) for choosing to be in a relationship with someone. As for making my own career and life choices, I don't feel it's always something in which a boyfriend plays a role. Perhaps it's risky of me, but I have always done what is right for me no matter the effect it has on my romantic relationships. Independence and a relationship do not have to be mutually exclusive. You can have both but you have to find the right person and be secure enough in who you are not to be lost in the relationship.

To each his or her own. If you're happy, good for you. I just wanted to respond for those of us who might feel like we're being attacked or judged for our choices.

I don't think it threatens people to not have a significant other, I think some people are just past the whole "yay for being single and doing whatever I want to do" phase. And they aren't only happy if they have a mate, they would just be happier.

P actually think part of it may be centered around if/when you want to have kids (either biologically or adopting). A lot of people want to have kkids when they are young. I know people who wanted to start having kids in their early to mid twenties so their kids could really get to know their grandparents before they were in nursing homes.

And there can be a lot of pressure to be with someone from others. Family members always asking why you are still single, all your friends being in relationships, people consistantly trying to set you up with someone. It gets to the point when you want a relationship to shut people up. Also, I know a LOT of people who won't even kiss someone unless they know that a relationship with that person is a big possibility in the very near future. So they look for significant others for all those reasons.

I am not all woohoo I am single. I am freaking sick of it and am hoping someone relationship worthy comes along. It doesn't mean I am not happy with myself and family and friends, it means that I want the complete package. I want that person and don't want to waste my time with someone that doesn't come close.

Maybe this will all change when I get to Hofstra, but I doubt it. I have done enough on my own already and want to start sharing parts of my life with someone else. I finally know what I want to do with my life want someone to share it with.

And I am happy with that.I was typing when you posted that but I agree completly

And to katygrace84-exactly!

Updated On: 5/19/06 at 11:20 AM

It would be lovely to have a significant other, but frankly I have a lot going on in my life right now and am content with the way it is. Certainly no one I know is "threatened" by my status - friends just want you to be happy, and if they are happy in their partnerships, it's natural that they would want you to have the same experience.

I know my best friend wants me to be in a good relationship - although she doesn't and wouldn't harp on it, it's clear. Then again, she's been married for 25+ years and is blissfully happy - why wouldn't she want her friends to have that too? I take her wishes from whence they come - from love and caring.

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katy--I'm sorry if this thread came off as an attack on people who choose (or didn't choose-it just happened) to be in a relationship.

It is only an attack toward those who judge those who choose to be single. I think it's fine if a person feels they are better off having a mate. But to then regard people who don't feel that way as having problems is just inane.

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Cookie, it's been rendered. To my face and behind my back.

And, yes, that would explain my passive aggressive creation of this thread. Though I truly wanted a good discussion on this issue. I just wanted to make sure I'm not crazy for liking being single.

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