The Director Who Films Your Life Test

[RobbO]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 10:31am

Spielberg? Hitchcock? Ed Wood? Kevin Smith? Who should be given the task to direct the film of your life story? Based on action/romance, comedy/drama, complex story, and budget, this eerily accurate test will select the most appropriate of 24 selected film directors to commit to celluloid the story of your life. Feel free to exaggerate on some of the answers, remember, you want your movie to be watchable.
The Director Test

[RobbO]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 10:38am

mine:

Edward D. Wood, Jr.

Your film will be 52% romantic, 21% comedy, 37% complex plot, and a $27 million budget.

Ed Wood will get your film done waaaaay under budget, and will likely make it into a classic film of all time -- for all the wrong reasons. Let's face it, your life isn't terribly exciting to begin with, and it needs some camping up. His resume includes classics such as Plan Nine From Outer Space and Glen or Glenda? He's not afraid to tackle controversial topics, and may insist on portraying a transvestite in your film -- even if you've never seen a transvestite before. He was immortalized in the Academy Award winning Tim Burton film, Ed Wood -- go see it.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 45% on action-romance

You scored higher than 5% on humor

You scored higher than 44% on complexity

You scored higher than 19% on budget

[JailyardGuy]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 10:44am

FUNNY!

Alfred Hitchcock
Your film will be 50% romantic, 41% comedy, 38% complex plot, and a $ 61 million budget.
One of the best film directors EVER to exist. Your life must be something special if we're going to dig up Hitch to direct the film version. His films are studies of masterful technique and visual storytelling. He also has six distinct signatures he puts in each of his films, one of them being his fleeting cameo walk-by appearance. I think another one is that the leading man is always wrongly persecuted for something he didn't do, and the leading lady is usually a blonde. He made many more films than just The Birds and Psycho. PLEASE go rent, buy, or view North By Northwest or Vertigo!


My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 38% on action-romance

You scored higher than 77% on humor

You scored higher than 51% on complexity

You scored higher than 99% on budget

[Patronus]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 10:45am

Francis Ford Coppola
Your film will be 72% romantic, 36% comedy, 24% complex plot, and a $ 45 million budget.
Filmography: The Conversation, The Godfather (and Pt. 2 and Pt. 3), Apocolypse Now, Peggy Sue Got Married, Jack, etc. He notoriously went WAY overbudget with Apocolypse Now which sort of maimed his career since. He's been doing a lot of small films lately which may give your life story an inside track. A high-budget simple romantic drama is best in the hands of this modern master filmmaker.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 99% on action-romance
You scored higher than 55% on humor
You scored higher than 4% on complexity
You scored higher than 89% on budget

[BlueWizard]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 11:27am

John Waters. Who woulda thunk it.

John Waters
Your film will be 54% romantic, 49% comedy, 35% complex plot, and a $ 38 million budget.
Filmography: Hairspray, Cry Baby, Pecker, A Dirty Shame, Serial Mom, Polyester, Pink Flamingos, Female Trouble, Mondo Trasho, and more. Hopefully your entire life happened in Baltimore, Maryland, because that is where your life story will take place with John Waters at the helm. Your mother will be played either by a large transvestite or Kathleen Turner ... oh, the levels of irony! Anyway, we hope your life was full of pleasant scents because your movie will be released in Smell-O-Vision like his movie Polyester (1981), but will likely not have any dog-poop-eating such as in Pink Flamingos (1972). Johnny Depp will play your uncle.

[MargoChanning]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 11:28am

Quentin Tarantino

Your film will be 42% romantic, 26% comedy, 50% complex plot, and a $ 41 million budget.
Wow! What a life you have led thus far! Action-packed, anti-social with probably dark humor. Quentin hasn't really made many films, but each successive one is a bigger and grander project ... and more violent. Karate CHOP! Your life story will probably star Michael Madsen, Uma Thurman, or some TV or movie star from the 1980s for which your film will be the comeback -- let's say Emilio Estevez. Maybe. Now that the QT is dating Sofia Coppola, maybe he'll get some tips about putting some lump-in-the-throat romantic moments in his films. Quentin's short directing resume includes Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, Jackie Brown, and Kill Bill Vols. 1 & 2.

You scored higher than 9% on action-romance

You scored higher than 23% on humor

You scored higher than 83% on complexity

You scored higher than 61% on budget

[touchmeinthemorning]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 11:33am

John Waters

Your film will be 62% romantic, 52% comedy, 36% complex plot, and a $ 37 million budget.

Filmography: Hairspray, Cry Baby, Pecker, A Dirty Shame, Serial Mom, Polyester, Pink Flamingos, Female Trouble, Mondo Trasho, and more. Hopefully your entire life happened in Baltimore, Maryland, because that is where your life story will take place with John Waters at the helm. Your mother will be played either by a large transvestite or Kathleen Turner ... oh, the levels of irony! Anyway, we hope your life was full of pleasant scents because your movie will be released in Smell-O-Vision like his movie Polyester (1981), but will likely not have any dog-poop-eating such as in Pink Flamingos (1972). Johnny Depp will play your uncle.




My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 89% on action-romance

You scored higher than 97% on humor

You scored higher than 41% on complexity

You scored higher than 67% on budget

[JohnPopa]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 11:48am

Woody Allen
Your film will be 58% romantic, 43% comedy, 33% complex plot, and a $ 31 million budget.
Be prepared to have your life story shot entirely in New York City -- though lately Woody's been loving shooting in London. Also, your music soundtrack is all jazz from before 1949. Filmography: Annie Hall, Manhattan, Stardust Memories, Everyone Says I Love You, etc. Woody has released one film per year consistently for the past 35 years. For the past 15 years he's been trying to make films like his older, funnier ones, just like characters in his Stardust Memories film suggest throughout. Regardless of his personal life, his films are American classics.

You scored higher than 71% on action-romance

You scored higher than 85% on humor

You scored higher than 27% on complexity

You scored higher than 35% on budget

----

The sad part is I hoped it would be someone like Tim Burton. Why can't I be misunderstood?

[lildogs]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 12:47pm

I got Penny Marshall and I was 100% honest...see what it gets you?

Your film will be 56% romantic, 41% comedy, 30% complex plot, and a $ 41 million budget.

Your romantic comedy-drama of a life is now in the hands of Laverne. We almost put Ron Howard in this spot, but we figured you wouldn't want the part of your dad played by Ron's little brother Clint (who's in EVERY one of his films). Penny will hire Squiggy, instead. She directed A League Of Their Own, Big, Awakenings, and Riding In Cars With Boys among few others.

[popcultureboy]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 12:57pm

I only scored 8% on complexity. I feel so simple.

[Borstalboy]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 12:58pm

Woody Allen

[Allie]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 1:19pm

I scored ZERO on complexity. What does that say about me?

Woody Allen
Your film will be 54% romantic, 40% comedy, 14% complex plot, and a $ 27 million budget.
Be prepared to have your life story shot entirely in New York City -- though lately Woody's been loving shooting in London. Also, your music soundtrack is all jazz from before 1949. Filmography: Annie Hall, Manhattan, Stardust Memories, Everyone Says I Love You, etc. Woody has released one film per year consistently for the past 35 years. For the past 15 years he's been trying to make films like his older, funnier ones, just like characters in his Stardust Memories film suggest throughout. Regardless of his personal life, his films are American classics.

You scored higher than 61% on action-romance
You scored higher than 66% on humor
You scored higher than 0% on complexity
You scored higher than 27% on budget

[Mister Matt]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 1:27pm

COOL!!

Ingmar Bergman
Your film will be 65% romantic, 32% comedy, 47% complex plot, and a $ 43 million budget.
Your life will be portrayed on film as an intense psychological drama, likely with some actresses screaming at the camera (Persona), or maybe a pleasant chess game between the Grim Reaper and a Crusader (The Seventh Seal). This Swedish director's films are intensely scrutinzed and studied in colleges all over the world to this day. This means that most Americans still don't understand his films! Still alive, he released in the U.S. in 2005 his first film in 23 years (Saraband), and he can still take on one more project to make your film biography. If curious, start with his films Wild Strawberries and Smiles of a Summer Night.

[Borstalboy]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 1:44pm

Aw, MAN! I wanted Bergman!

[camerangel]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 1:44pm

Terry Gilliam

48% romantic,
58% comedy,
58% complex plot,
$56 million budget.

Filmography: The Brothers Grimm, Monty Python and The Holy Grail, The Fisher King, Time Bandits, Brazil, 12 Monkeys, Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas. Gilliam is notorious for his angry outbursts to studio executives and production shutdowns when told he has to compromise his vision. So if while making the film about your life he wants chicken-headed fighter pilots flying large time-release capsules that drop foam-rubber knee pads onto your reunion family picnic, you better let him lest you get nothing done at all. In the end, however, the movie will be a fantastic cult classic. Good luck.

You scored higher than 6% on action-romance
You scored higher than 99% on humor
You scored higher than 97% on complexity
You scored higher than 99% on budget

haha, I'm gonna be a cult classic.. does that seem apropos to anyone else??

[JailyardGuy]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 1:45pm

I was hoping there'd be an M. Night Shayamalan option. *weeps*

[cathywellerstein]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 1:51pm

WOODY ALLEN!!

i think it's pretty accurate.
Updated On: 11/30/05 at 01:51 PM

[Calvin]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 2:08pm

Kurosawa. How appropriate.

Your film will be 52% romantic, 46% comedy, 36% complex plot, and a $ 46 million budget.
Action-packed, light romance maybe with situation humor but with a moral to your story, this Japanese master filmmaker would make your film an instant cult classic -- were he still alive. This is the guy who made the movie on which George Lucas' Star Wars is based (The Hidden Fortress). Also his movie Seven Samurai inspired the American classic The Magnificient Seven. I think you now have a hint how your bio film is gonna turn out. Rather than hire George Lucas, let's dig up Kurosawa to create the classic spectacle that is your life. A simple drama with light touches of comedy, but a big budget.

[EponineThenardier]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 2:20pm

Sophia Coppola

Hell yeah!!

[rowers unite]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 2:28pm

John Waters
Your film will be 63% romantic, 53% comedy, 29% complex plot, and a $ 32 million budget.
Filmography: Hairspray, Cry Baby, Pecker, A Dirty Shame, Serial Mom, Polyester, Pink Flamingos, Female Trouble, Mondo Trasho, and more. Hopefully your entire life happened in Baltimore, Maryland, because that is where your life story will take place with John Waters at the helm. Your mother will be played either by a large transvestite or Kathleen Turner ... oh, the levels of irony! Anyway, we hope your life was full of pleasant scents because your movie will be released in Smell-O-Vision like his movie Polyester (1981), but will likely not have any dog-poop-eating such as in Pink Flamingos (1972). Johnny Depp will play your uncle.


i like johnny depp playing my uncle part

[TheatreDiva90016]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 2:29pm

Tim Burton

My life is too twisted.

[RobbO]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 2:33pm

apparently i'm the only one with a "boring" life. you all must be some twisted freaks. i'm glad i didn't invite any of y'all into my house...

[Calvin]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 2:35pm

Well, I wasn't sure how to answer the "sexual crimes" question. I thought that since I had sex in Texas prior to the Lawrence ruling, that counted.

I thought for sure I'd get Roman Polanski because of that.

[RobbO]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 2:35pm

too funny, calvin.

[Mister Matt]

Posted: 11/30/05 at 3:29pm

Don't worry, RobbO. Had William Higgins been on the list, I'm sure you would have gotten him.