The Official (And Original) Random Thread--It's BACK, biotches!! — Page 11

Alright. I'll stop.

Me too.

Ebonic_Singer - You'd be Ic.

Ic and Ak. LOVING. IT.

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Ebonic, can you help?

I'm sure Ak is happy, Tiff.

Well people might be able to help you if we had any idea what was going on... But you probably have good reasons so I'll quit bothering you.

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Ak is Nia's cooler side. I think.

Glory, you're not bothering me... it's just that I can't say. It's not embarassment or anything, it's that I can't afford to lose any more friends, and that's what would happen if I told you everything.

It's not so much what I did as what... oh, nevermind. I'm ****ed in the head, that's all and I hurt people.

But i get it if you don't wanna talk about what happened.

do you want our advice or a sympathetic ear though?

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It's not that I won't talk, but I can't because it's bad.

Delphie, that's what she said. And even if I were to explain... it's such a long story that I would not know how to start.

Right.

I asked her, implying that I was doing this to someone else. Then she read between the lines and realized it was about her. And then, all the sudden, it was not ok.

No offense, but your friend is quite hypocritical.

I had a rather screwy childhood. It had nothing to do with parents, but rather, the kids around me. This has lasted from fifth grade until now. In short, it has made me more than just insecure about friendships- I don't trust people, I don't believe them and I don't get along. I pick fights and I manipulate and play mind games and test them to see if they're really my friends or if I'm another charity case. I hate that I do it but I can't stop. I wouldn't have to start if people just gave a damn and didn't shove me aside for once. It messes with my head too when people call me a friend and then ignore me, so I do it right back. I want to be someone to count on and liked, like you would want to hang out with, but not so. People just leave me out and it makes me angry and jealous. I do eventually give them advice and they are nicer to me for it, but then I test them again and it backfires. It's cold and it's mean but I don't regret it. I wouldn't have to do it at all if they weren't like how they were, they drive me to it... I never wanted to be that way, but I can't change them so I can't change me.

And that is what I do not want you to know and wish I hadn't said. It doesn't apply here on bww, people aren't nasty so I'm not cruel... but will my friends or sort of friends ever trust me again? Would you?

But why?

I hate them. I hate them for forgetting me and I don't regret doing what I did and using people for means to my ends.

If they don't think about me, why should I give a damn if they hurt? I'm not stressed because I want to patch something up with a friend, I'm worried about my reputation. She can burn, for all I care. It's harsh and nasty to say but it's true.