The Official (And Original) Random Thread--It's BACK, biotches!!- Page 11

[Delphine]

Posted: 10/24/04 at 11:20pm

Alright. I'll stop.

[Ebonic_Singer]

Posted: 10/24/04 at 11:21pm

Okay guys, I think it's time for me to shower/sleep. Gnight.

[Type_A_Tiff]

Posted: 10/24/04 at 11:21pm

Me too.

Ebonic_Singer - You'd be Ic.

Ic and Ak. LOVING. IT.

[Ebonic_Singer]

Posted: 10/24/04 at 11:22pm

Yay!!!!! Okay--gnight all!

[insomniak]

Posted: 10/24/04 at 11:22pm

Ebonic, can you help?

I'm sure Ak is happy, Tiff.

[Ebonic_Singer]

Posted: 10/24/04 at 11:24pm

wait--who's Ak?

[OneBlazeOfGlory]

Posted: 10/24/04 at 11:26pm

Well people might be able to help you if we had any idea what was going on... But you probably have good reasons so I'll quit bothering you.

[insomniak]

Posted: 10/24/04 at 11:26pm

My nonexistent, superior twin. She's popular and cool and doesn't have problems.

[Delphine]

Posted: 10/24/04 at 11:26pm

Ak is Nia's cooler side. I think.

[Type_A_Tiff]

Posted: 10/24/04 at 11:29pm

She's also Som's onomatopoeia when we're scared of her.

So when insomniak enters, we can all go, "AAAKKK!" and run and hide.

[insomniak]

Posted: 10/24/04 at 11:29pm

Glory, you're not bothering me... it's just that I can't say. It's not embarassment or anything, it's that I can't afford to lose any more friends, and that's what would happen if I told you everything.

[Type_A_Tiff]

Posted: 10/24/04 at 11:32pm

do you think we're gonna turn on you if we knew what you did?

[insomniak]

Posted: 10/24/04 at 11:34pm

It's not so much what I did as what... oh, nevermind. I'm ****ed in the head, that's all and I hurt people.

[Type_A_Tiff]

Posted: 10/24/04 at 11:35pm

Everybody hurts.

Some time.

[Type_A_Tiff]

Posted: 10/24/04 at 11:36pm

But i get it if you don't wanna talk about what happened.

do you want our advice or a sympathetic ear though?

[Delphine]

Posted: 10/24/04 at 11:36pm

I sincerely doubt we would turn on you, no matter what. But I am wondering, why did you do what you did?

[insomniak]

Posted: 10/24/04 at 11:37pm

It's not that I won't talk, but I can't because it's bad.

Delphie, that's what she said. And even if I were to explain... it's such a long story that I would not know how to start.

[Delphine]

Posted: 10/24/04 at 11:39pm

But didn't you ask her about it before letting her know the whole story and she said it was fine?

[insomniak]

Posted: 10/24/04 at 11:40pm

Right.

I asked her, implying that I was doing this to someone else. Then she read between the lines and realized it was about her. And then, all the sudden, it was not ok.

[Type_A_Tiff]

Posted: 10/24/04 at 11:41pm

so let's start with the why. in 20 words or less, sum it up.

[Delphine]

Posted: 10/24/04 at 11:44pm

No offense, but your friend is quite hypocritical.

[Type_A_Tiff]

Posted: 10/24/04 at 11:47pm

Yes, she does.

[insomniak]

Posted: 10/24/04 at 11:51pm

I had a rather screwy childhood. It had nothing to do with parents, but rather, the kids around me. This has lasted from fifth grade until now. In short, it has made me more than just insecure about friendships- I don't trust people, I don't believe them and I don't get along. I pick fights and I manipulate and play mind games and test them to see if they're really my friends or if I'm another charity case. I hate that I do it but I can't stop. I wouldn't have to start if people just gave a damn and didn't shove me aside for once. It messes with my head too when people call me a friend and then ignore me, so I do it right back. I want to be someone to count on and liked, like you would want to hang out with, but not so. People just leave me out and it makes me angry and jealous. I do eventually give them advice and they are nicer to me for it, but then I test them again and it backfires. It's cold and it's mean but I don't regret it. I wouldn't have to do it at all if they weren't like how they were, they drive me to it... I never wanted to be that way, but I can't change them so I can't change me.

And that is what I do not want you to know and wish I hadn't said. It doesn't apply here on bww, people aren't nasty so I'm not cruel... but will my friends or sort of friends ever trust me again? Would you?

[Type_A_Tiff]

Posted: 10/24/04 at 11:52pm

I would, because I can relate 100%. Been there, done all that, and a whole lot more. And at least you know what you're doing and why. Which is about 80% of the battle to step back and stop.

Updated On: 10/24/04 at 11:52 PM

[insomniak]

Posted: 10/24/04 at 11:56pm

But why?

I hate them. I hate them for forgetting me and I don't regret doing what I did and using people for means to my ends.

If they don't think about me, why should I give a damn if they hurt? I'm not stressed because I want to patch something up with a friend, I'm worried about my reputation. She can burn, for all I care. It's harsh and nasty to say but it's true.