I've seen some Dane Cook quotes, and they just seem too absurd to be really funny.
I remember reading this one book in freshman year of high school called The Sound of Waves, and I was shocked that we were reading it in school, considering the sexual content of the book.
"There was this one time an alarm went off - it was in the middle of '24.' That's just wrong. Everyone knows everyone was watching '24' at that time."
--NYU student quoted in the Washington Square News about students ignoring the frequent fire alarms in dorms