ok time for ali to rant cuz shes not having a good day.
ok my mom was bitching at me because my sorority bill was sent to her instead of me for some reason, and how she can't afford that extra bill, and blah blah even though she said she would help me pay for it, and now shes not..so i'm super frustrated about that.i have an aunt who is in rehab right now for drinking, and so the whole family is super stressed about that..and when my mom gets stressed she kinda takes it out on me a little bit. and i dont' have time to deal with that added stress on me right now.
ok my dad...he doesn't support me in anything i do. he doesn't want me to transfer, hes making me go with him and my stepmoms family for thanksgiving, he always just makes me feel like a terrible person because i change my mind, and i make mistakes. and for some reason, thats not allowed. but hes still fine, and he thinks everything is ok. but now, i keep calling him and emailing him, and he keeps not responding to me. he hasn't called me back since this past weekend, and he hasn't returned any of my emails. and i don't like being ignored by him cuz i know that he does it when hes mad at me for something. so its annoying.
ok classes...my theatre costuming class is kicking my butt. we had to do 10 sketches for this play "the birds" by aristophanes. well, my teacher didn't like my idea for when/where to set it, so she gave me what to do. and i did the sketches, and she decided she didn't like them. so she gave me 2 days to redo all ten. so i'm finishing those now. and i had to write a costume review of another show that we had to go see, but she didn't tell us how to write one. so i pulled it out of the air. no clue what she'll give me on it. i'm terrified i'm gonna fail this class, and if i do, its not TOO big a deal cuz i don't need it, but it will bring down my GPA a ton and then transferring won't really be an option. so i need to have a good grade, but i just can't do all the work.
ok piano...so i haven't been practicing as much as i have to. i should be practicing 24 hours a week, and i just can't. last week i practiced 14, and my teacher yelled at me. i'm just not good enough right now..i'm not cutting it. i need to be better than i am. so this week i've been really trying to bump up my hours of practice..and today i only got 2 hours in. yesterday i only got 3. i should be at about 3 1/2 hours a day. and i'm not. i just can't do it. i have so many classes and so much other work that i don't have time to practice that much too.
ok and so i haven't slept in like, 9 days. i normally try to go to bed around midnight or 1,...but then i lay there and think of things that i need to do and didn't, or need to do the next day...i normally end up getting up and doing more work, then going back to bed at 2 or 3, then i just lay there and i'll sleep for like an hour, then wake up and lay there for an hour. and i just wanna sleep. i just want one restful night where i don't have to worry about what i need to do the next day. i'm soooo exhuasted and tired and i just can't function. during the day, all i wanna do is sleep, but i dont' have time. i barely even have time to eat anymore..which reminds me..i didn't even eat dinner tonight.
i miss kyle. hes my best friend from home, for those of you who don't know. hes always been there for me through everything. but now, hes 1000 miles away and we've kind of stopped making time for each other. in dec, we're taking a 4 day trip to NYC together, just me and him, and he says he misses me and everything, but i really do miss him. i just miss having him around for the stupid stuff, like going to the grocery store at 1 am, or driving 2 hours to go see his dad for dinner, or playing in the rain late at night...and yeah, i never dated him, but i miss cuddling with him. we were always so close..best friends..and we always wanted to date, but never did...and now the chance is gone, but i still want him. its really frustrating. and he wants me to transfer to boston to be near him, but i can't let myself make a big decision like where to go to school because of a person...
ok thats all. sorry about the long post..i just..i'm really upset and sad right now and i feel like i'm gonna die soon because i have an endless work load, and i never get a break, and i don't have time for anything anymore. and its killing me.
xoxo
Ali
OK...L-A-H-O-M-A
