Tiger Jokes

#1

Tiger Jokes

Posted: 12/5/09 at 11:35am

We now see that Tiger does very well on the fairway but doesn't fare well on the driveway.

What is the difference between a Cadillac & golf ball?
Tiger can drive a golf ball 400 yards.

What does the Ryder Cup & Tiger's house have in common?
They are both places where Tiger gets beat by Europeans

Ping golf announced it is signing Elin to a multi million dollar naming deal & endorsement deal for its new line of women's fairway woods. Their new slogan "Elin Woods - clubs you can beat Tiger with

Their is another one but since it might inflame animal lovers I have refrained from posting it.

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Poster Emeritus

Updated On: 12/5/09 at 11:35 AM

#2

re: Tiger Jokes

Posted: 12/5/09 at 11:38am

What's striped and bouncy?

A tiger on a pogo stick!!!!

#3

re: Tiger Jokes

Posted: 12/5/09 at 11:40am

So making jokes about domestic violence is fine, but a joke that might offend animal lovers is off limits?

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PEACE.

#4

re: Tiger Jokes

Posted: 12/5/09 at 11:41am

Jordan, I always thought that was Tigger.

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"All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism -- it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen." Conan O'Brien

#5

re: Tiger Jokes

Posted: 12/5/09 at 11:43am

Personally the animal one is OK with me but some people would not bat an eyelash if 1000 people died but it a dog died Oh My God. By the way, I do like animals .

If one person requests it, I will post it. I will then be off the hook.

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Poster Emeritus

Updated On: 12/5/09 at 11:43 AM

#6

re: Tiger Jokes

Posted: 12/5/09 at 11:49am

"Jordan, I always thought that was Tigger."

RACIST!

Now say "Naked Tigger" 20 times really fast.

#7

re: Tiger Jokes

Posted: 12/5/09 at 12:07pm

"If one person requests it, I will post it. I will than be off the hook."

If one person requests it will you stop making jokes about domestic violence?

And if another person requests it will you finally learn the difference between "than" and "then"?

Consider them both requested.

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PEACE.

#8

re: Tiger Jokes

Posted: 12/5/09 at 12:11pm

Domestic violence is nothing to laugh at. It's like someone laughing at that old joke my Uncle liked to tell -

"What do you tell a woman with two black eyes"?

"Nothin'. Y'already done told her twice"

#9

re: Tiger Jokes

Posted: 12/5/09 at 1:17pm

What do Tiger Woods & baby seals have in commin?

Both are clubbed by Scandinavians.

I have learned my lesson re than & then.

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Poster Emeritus

Updated On: 12/5/09 at 01:17 PM

#10

re: Tiger Jokes

Posted: 12/5/09 at 6:56pm

#11

re: Tiger Jokes

Posted: 12/5/09 at 7:17pm

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Pretty pretty please don't you ever ever feel like you're less than f**ckin' perfect!

#12

re: Tiger Jokes

Posted: 12/5/09 at 7:22pm

Oh man, JG2, I met him! He's SUCH A SWEETHEART!!!!! He was at Ripleys Believe it Or Not (Not Alice Ripley) and I spoke with him for a while there. Really a cool person.

#13

re: Tiger Jokes

Posted: 12/5/09 at 8:12pm

Alice Ripley is chasing me today. I had a dirty dream about her and now she's been mentioned three times in random (online) conversation. WEIRD.

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Pretty pretty please don't you ever ever feel like you're less than f**ckin' perfect!

#14

re: Tiger Jokes

Posted: 12/5/09 at 8:18pm

I am Spartacus

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<-----I'M TOTES ROLLING MY EYES

#15

re: Tiger Jokes

Posted: 12/5/09 at 8:40pm

I fought side by side with Spartacus & you are not he. He was Kirk Douglas.

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Poster Emeritus

#16

re: Tiger Jokes

Posted: 12/5/09 at 9:43pm

Ya gotta love easy targets.

Well, no ya don't.

Maybe you can just love those who take the easy targets.

But ya don't hafta.

#17

re: Tiger Jokes

Posted: 12/6/09 at 12:36am

This one was on SNL:

Tiger Woods hit a tree and a bunch of women fell out.

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"If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it." -Stephen Colbert

#18

re: Tiger Jokes

Posted: 12/6/09 at 10:36am

This is not a joke

Another came out of the woodwork saying Tiger liked to spank her.

Two questions come to mind & they are

1. Is there anyone he heas not *******?
2. How does he have energy to play golf?

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Poster Emeritus

#19

re: Tiger Jokes

Posted: 12/6/09 at 11:52am

Mr. R it is after all ONLY golf

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"All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism -- it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen." Conan O'Brien

#20

re: Tiger Jokes

Posted: 12/6/09 at 12:01pm

Mom --

There is God and then there is Golf.

For many of us, there is nothing in between.

Except a good vodka and tonic --

--with 2 limes.

Thank you very much.

Updated On: 12/6/09 at 12:01 PM

#21

re: Tiger Jokes

Posted: 12/6/09 at 4:15pm

To some, golf is like cocaine. They are junkies.

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Poster Emeritus

#22

re: Tiger Jokes

Posted: 12/7/09 at 4:30am

""What do you tell a woman with two black eyes"?

"Nothin'. Y'already done told her twice" "


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I laugh at them. I don't know, I mean, part of the 'joke' is that we don't really believe it, I think. It's like:

"Why don't Women have penis'?

[So they can stand closer to the sink]"

Or even racist jokes:

"Why don't you put your hand in a jellybean jar

..the black one will steal your watch"

I mean they are funny, at least to me, because they 'exploit' ridiculous stereotypes.

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Give me claws and a hunch, just away from this bunch.

Updated On: 12/7/09 at 04:30 AM