Waiting Tables and why I don't do it anymore

[Borstalboy]

Posted: 4/18/07 at 4:08pm

Temping may be boring, but this list I found reminds me why I will never go back to food service, enjoy!


1. IF you can afford to go out to eat... But you can't afford to tip... hey.. guess what.. you can't afford to go out to eat.

2. This is 2007 people. 10% is not acceptable anymore... standard tipping for GOOD service is between 18 and 20%...

3. Now. I understand that 10% is good enough for God... That's fine.. but this isn't church.. and you're not tithing.

4. PS- ordering a well done steak... which everyone in the south does... will constitute a longer ticket time.... you will be okay... if you wanted fast food, you should have gone through a ****ing drive-thru... (Squirrelly note: If you order a filet well done, I will hand you a slim jim and eat the 30 dollar steak myself. Thanks)

5. It's really not necessary to snap at me or wave your hand in the air like your having a spasm or get up and follow me. I saw you, I acknowledged you, you saw me... hold the **** on. and sit the **** down. I am coming.

6. When I take the time to be courteous and introduce myself... please don't be a rude bastard and cut me off. Sometimes the place I work at requires me to tell you about the specials and offer you an appetizer...When I ask you how you are doing please don't reply with what you want to drink... manners, asswipe.

7. I follow a strict rule that you should never reward bad service with a good tip... however, you should also never punish excellent service with a ****ty tip because you're a cheap ****.

8. Please don't take it out on me because you have had a bad day.. I'm here to make it better. relax.

9. When I deliver your food and ask if there is anything else.. you can tell me... I asked didn't I... don't get all bent out of shape because I'm not psychic and cannot read your mind.. how the hell am I supposed to know you needed A1. Also, please tell me the moment I ask everything you need. If you have to think about it that's okay..I'll wait. I'd rather spend a few more moments at your table then running back and forth to the kitchen because you forgot you needed extra something or other.

10. I know sometimes you can't help it.. But do you really have to ask for something every single time I walk past the table... I mean really. Jessica Simpson is not even that high-maintenance.

11. Hi. look around you. You are one of probably twenty people I am waiting on.. Did you happen to notice that.. So if you have to wait for a minute.. Be patient.. I promise I will take care of you..

12. Treating a server like a piece of **** and the scum of the earth because we are serving you is the quickest way to get the worst service you ever thought possible.. We are people too and you are no better than me... I don't give a **** what you do.

13. Just think about it like this. Your tip left on the table is how I pay my bills. I am making 2.13 an hour.. So, no, I don't get a paycheck. After taxes and claiming tips I'm lucky if I even see one. Remember that next time you decide to be cheap. Please also remember when using a curbside take away service, that the people that bring out your food don't always make 7 or 8 dollars an hour. Most of the time they work for tips too.

14. Last but certainly not least... Don't assume that my job is easier then yours and I am some dumb **** who can't get a better job. The restaurant business is a fast paced environment with a high stress level. And you don't even see all the things we do behind the scene. So have some respect. I don't come to your office and treat you like **** for sitting on your ass all day do I?? No, I don't. But now that you mention it, where do you work?

15. Most people do not know that we pay taxes based upon what we claim to make. News flash, we have to claim at least about 10% of our sales. Often times we often must tip out other workers in the restaurant i.e. busers and hosts. What this means is if your are one of the scum of the earth that don't tip I just paid taxes on your meal that I worked to serve you. Thus meaning that I just paid to serve you. Better yet, if you walk out on your tab, chances are I just paid for your meal! Karma people...Karma

[doodlenyc]

Posted: 4/18/07 at 4:11pm

but at your temp job, you can't spit in anyone's food...

[Borstalboy]

Posted: 4/18/07 at 4:13pm

No, but I can masturbate in the bathroom WHENEVER I WANT!

Posted: 4/18/07 at 4:13pm

Borstal I had a waiter once who would approach each table and say "Hello, I am the last person to handle your food before you eat it."

I bet he got great tips.

[Gothampc]

Posted: 4/18/07 at 4:14pm

Why I don't eat out anymore:

Wait staff thinking they are more than just food mules.

Posted: 4/18/07 at 4:15pm

And if there is any chance they will pick up on your attirude Goth, it's VERY good you don't eat out any more.

[doodlenyc]

Posted: 4/18/07 at 4:17pm

(edited my review of eating at the Y...cause I never ate there.)

Updated On: 4/18/07 at 04:17 PM

[Borstalboy]

Posted: 4/18/07 at 4:18pm

Yeah, I did spit, boogers...other things in the food, but I never really felt satisfied. Something in the back of my mind always said "Borstal, something's missing here..."

[Gothampc]

Posted: 4/18/07 at 4:19pm

"Borstal, something's missing here..."

Where are my colored lights? Where are my colored lights?

[doodlenyc]

Posted: 4/18/07 at 4:20pm

Something was missing? Jagging in the bathroom, that's what!

[Borstalboy]

Posted: 4/18/07 at 4:22pm

Actually, I did entertain a gentleman stranger in the bathroom at one point.

"Something's missing, Joe...something's missing, Pete..."

Updated On: 4/18/07 at 04:22 PM

[luvliza89]

Posted: 4/18/07 at 4:24pm

5. It's really not necessary to snap at me or wave your hand in the air like your having a spasm or get up and follow me. I saw you, I acknowledged you, you saw me... hold the **** on. and sit the **** down. I am coming.

This one always gets me. Even when you wave at people as a sign of saying "yes, I'll be there as soon as I can", they still feel the need to wave their arms until you are actually in front of them. Very silly.

[BSoBW2]

Posted: 4/18/07 at 4:30pm

"No, but I can masturbate in the bathroom WHENEVER I WANT!"

Ah, the silver lining is...well...silverish!

[Kringas]

Posted: 4/18/07 at 4:35pm

Why I don't eat out anymore

And the restaurant industry breathes a collective sigh of relief.

Posted: 4/18/07 at 4:42pm

When I was seventeen my younger sister came home from work one evening and she was crying. She had spent a good part of her shift waiting on a group of 20. When they left the restaurant they stiffed her on the tip. The first chance I got to tip a server I over tipped and haven't stopped. Twenty percent is my base, nothing less.

I've watched co-workers lick customer's food, spit on food and I will never understand that mindset.

Goth wait staff are people and it's a luxury to be served by another human being.

[HumATune]

Posted: 4/18/07 at 4:55pm

Thank goodness California pays the wait staff at least minimum wage. Honestly that $2.13 thing should be illegal.

15% is what I tip for crappy service.

Updated On: 4/18/07 at 04:55 PM

[Caroline-Q-or-TBoo]

Posted: 4/18/07 at 5:20pm

this does swing both ways though, for all you waiters there- yes, i can read the DAMN bill, I see that tip is not included! thanks for reminding me!

Posted: 4/18/07 at 5:20pm

isn't the federal minimum wage $5.15 and all people over 18 years old must be paid at least the federal minimum wage. so how do they get away paying you only $2.13??

Posted: 4/18/07 at 5:21pm

isn't the federal minimum wage $5.15 and all people over 18 years old must be paid at least the federal minimum wage. so how do they get away paying you only $2.13??

[Gothampc]

Posted: 4/18/07 at 5:21pm

"it's a luxury to be served by another human being."

When they are in a good mood and liking their job. I've also encountered nasty, rude and dumb wait staff.

[Kringas]

Posted: 4/18/07 at 5:22pm

Perhaps it's because you regard them as food mules.

Posted: 4/18/07 at 5:37pm

From your generalization of wait staff as food mules, I'm pretty sure your criteria for "happy, smart and content" servers is "like reaching for the moon."

"It's An Art" Updated On: 4/18/07 at 05:37 PM

[Kristie-K2]

Posted: 4/18/07 at 5:38pm

When we went to the International Restaurant on 35th, the tip was included in the bill. I think 15%.

[Kristie-K2]

Posted: 4/18/07 at 5:45pm

One more thing. I found a long black hair in my Chicken....Damn...................

[LittleFish8386]

Posted: 4/18/07 at 5:59pm

This thread reminds me of my favorite Starbuck's Barista Rant:

1. We are not your friends. We are usually not your neighbors. In most cases, we absolutely loathe you, but we are outwardly friendly -- because we are paid to do so. You are not getting special treatment, and we really don’t give a **** about your last vacation or your new baby or your real estate problems. We ask how you’re doing because it’s a way of making conversation, and we are pressured to make conversation in this line of work. Now, there are some customers who are genuinely liked, but they’re few and far between. If you have to think about it, you’re probably not one of them.

2. Oh, you work from home? We are not your water-cooler break. We may be the only humans you have interacted with for days, but do not expect us to be interested in your stupid home business or your racist, sexist, totally unfunny commentary. Get your drink and get out.

3. Enough with repeating the George Carlin Starbucks order joke! It was funny the first time we heard it. Maybe. You are probably the four hundredth person to say it to me, expecting me to laugh, and I guarantee that you’re going to be disappointed.

4. Tipping is greatly appreciated. While Starbucks does provide great insurance and other benefits for its employees, and sometimes even a decent hourly wage, baristas are not guaranteed a certain amount of hours per week and NEVER get full-time hours. So: we have great health coverage but can barely buy groceries. Our tips help augment our meager paychecks. If you don’t want to tip, don’t - but quit bitching about it. I’ve noticed that the complexity of your drink order is quite often inversely proportionate to the size of your tip. The rudest and most difficult customers NEVER tip - usually the stay-at-home-moms wearing fifty grand worth of diamonds, yammering into their trendy pink KRAZRs and paying absolutely no attention to their horrible offspring (who are wreaking havoc in every way possible.) Bitches.

5. SKIM MILK is the same as NONFAT MILK. Do not order a “skim nonfat latte” – it’s redundant. Similarly, don’t say that you want a “grande skim latte” and then correct me when I call out “grande nonfat latte.” You bitch. Which brings me to:

6. We are trained to call out drink orders in a particular way. This helps to ensure that we get all of your stupid, nitpicky details correct. DO NOT
• Correct me (see above)
• Tell me as snottily as possible that you “don’t speak Starbucks.” That is quite possibly one of the dumbest statements I’ve ever heard.
• Keep asking me, “Is it decaf? Did you get that? I ordered decaf. Are you sure it’s decaf?” F+CK YOU. Yes, I got it.
• Tell me how to make a drink. I know what goes into a mocha. You probably couldn’t make one if someone had a gun to your head.

I may as well continue! DON’T:
• Lean on the hand-off counter, effectively blocking any of the people who ordered BEFORE you from getting their coffee.
• Take your drink, rip the top off, gulp down one-third to one-half of it, and then ask me to “top it off.”
• Snatch the first drink to come up, because of course it's yours! You’re the only f+cking customer in the place! You ordered a grande latte and this is a Frappuccino, what does it matter! You got there first!
• Scream at me because you don't want whipped cream, when you never specified that.
• Get all pissy when I ask if you want whipped cream on a nonfat mocha. Because some people do, the drink usually comes with it, and we are here to serve your demanding ass.
• Come in wearing a floor-length fur coat and, when asked if you need a bag for your purchase, say no because you want to “save some trees.” Please save me the forehead bruise.
• Hold your two-year-old up to the pastry case and ask him to choose something. Grown men (well, stupid grown men) are struck dumb by the variety at times; no toddler will be able to work out what he wants in under three days. Select something for him and move on.

7. If you are yapping away on your cell phone when you get up to the counter, TELL THE PERSON ON THE OTHER END TO HOLD ON. Do not try to communicate what you want by hand gestures. Do not stare at me blankly – YOU approached ME. Especially, do not roll your eyes at me and heave a sigh before bitchily telling me what you want while still babbling into the phone.

8. If we’re out of the sippy-cup lids and have to give you a regular old flat lid with a tear tab (this occasionally happens) – do not freak out and scream at the manager that it will spill and ruin your “very expensive car.” Buddy, I’ve seen that car (you double-park it outside the front door almost every f+cking day) and it’s not all that, so get off your f+cking high horse. And if you have enough money for that pricey auto, either buy a decent travel mug with a locking lid, or get the f+cking car detailed if something spills. And maybe lay off the caffeine. Asshole.

9. If you order a Frappuccino, I will hate you even more.

10. Quit bitching about the names of everything. Yes, there is a “tall" size. No, it’s not the smallest size – that would be the “short.” Somewhere along the line, it got dropped from the menu, but can still be ordered. It doesn’t make much sense to me either, but I didn’t come up with the nomenclature for this ****. Order by the names on the menu, because I’ve had people ask for a "medium coffee" and get inexplicably pissed off when I give them a grande. Which is a medium coffee. If you eat at McDonald’s, you put a “Mc” in front of just about everything – get the f+ck over yourself and get used to it.

11. Keep your f+cking $1200, four-foot-wide Bugaboo stroller out. Of. The. Store.

12. If you are one of the seriously annoying, mind-bogglingly stupid Change People, it's very likely that I'm restraining the urge to beat you senseless. Especially if you say something like, "I have twenty-four cents, if it helps…" – you are not helping anyone. F+ck you and your exact change. Don’t giggle and tell me how heavy it's making your bag and that you need to get rid of it. How about this: remove your spare change from your bag or pockets daily. Throw it in a change jar. When the jar fills up, cash it in. So simple, anyone can do it!

13. When you order "three shots of espresso, over ice, in a venti cup, extra ice" – WE KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING. You’re stealing, because you pay a lot less for that than you would for a latte, and then you fill it to the brim with milk from the condiment bar pitchers. You probably eat at buffets all the time and surreptitiously stuff your shoulder bag full of food, too. It’s a hard lesson to learn, but you really should learn it: if you can’t afford something, don’t f+cking buy it. Asshole.

14. Just because I work at Starbucks doesn’t mean I’m stupid. If I had a penny for everyone who treated me like a complete idiot because I work in the service industry, I’d be a retired billionaire by now. I probably scored higher than you did on standardized tests, am better-read, better-educated, a better writer, more articulate, more interesting, more observant, and better-traveled. However, because I am an artist (as are many of my co-workers) I don’t make the kind of money that the lawyers, doctors, and CEOs of the world do; this does not, however, make me a second-class citizen. So stop f+cking treating me (and everyone else who works at Starbucks) like one.

15. Have a nice f+cking day, you bastards!