When guys don't take a hint...

[manders]

Posted: 11/6/05 at 5:37pm

...that you don't like them, what does one do?

[Unknown User]

Posted: 11/6/05 at 5:39pm

kick them
violence solves everything

[orangeskittles]

Posted: 11/6/05 at 5:40pm

Pepper spray

[manders]

Posted: 11/6/05 at 5:41pm

And.... what if you actually rarely see them and they have developed a crush on you from talking on AIM?

[DayDreamer]

Posted: 11/6/05 at 5:41pm

Hm. What about being honest and open about it? There's a concept... hints can be misunderstood.

[theatrebabe]

Posted: 11/6/05 at 5:43pm

Yeah, that happened to me. 'Cept, he asked me out and I said I never saw him and maybe later when we saw each other more. Which will be, basically, never.

[orangeskittles]

Posted: 11/6/05 at 5:44pm

Ah, one of those. I have experience with that.

Since it's over AIM, you have the option to ignore their comments. Not LITERALLY block them, but just keep changing the subject whenever something awkward comes up. Keep it friendly, but not too personal.

And when they get drunk and IM you saying they love you and ask you to marry them, never mention it again when they sober up.

[Elphaba]

Posted: 11/6/05 at 5:48pm

say, YES, YES, YES.....FINALLY, and tell him you'll be over with your things in an hour to move it.

I guarentee you'll never hear from him again......

[manders]

Posted: 11/6/05 at 5:50pm

thanks for your advice. I partly blame myself for this one, because we used to go school together and so he wanted to arrange a little get together, so we're seeing the midnight Harry Potter show. Stupidly, I agreed and later invited everyone I could think of to come with me. He doesn't even like Harry Potter, and I'm dreading this 'get-together.'

DayDreamer- I am trying to find someway to be honest without being cruel

Haha, orangekittles I'm afraid he already does sometimes pretend we are getting married.

Aaah I so want to just tell him and I hate him and be done with it.

[DayDreamer]

Posted: 11/6/05 at 5:52pm

You don't have to be cruel. You can just say "look, you're fun to talk to online, but I really don't think I want to go out with you."

Straight to the point, and not being cruel. And no need for hints.

[Type_A_Tiff]

Posted: 11/6/05 at 5:52pm

Has he said he's interested in something more, or is this the impression you're getting from him?

[manders]

Posted: 11/6/05 at 5:53pm

Haha, that's a great suggestion I never even thought of, Elphaba.

[manders]

Posted: 11/6/05 at 5:57pm

Tiff- He hasn't outright said he likes me. He talks about how much I make him smile, how good I smell, how I'm pretty and so on. Also, he admitted to having a previous crush on me. In my experience that has been an underhand way of seeing if I would be interested now.

DayDreamer- Hmm, definitely a straight-to-the-point way of not breaking his spirit and still keeping my dignity. I'll probably end up telling him something like that.

OR if I want to be totally dishonest and non-confrontational I thougth about develping a fake crush on one of my frisnds coming with us to the movie and telling him aaalll about it. Probably not going to do it, though.

[DayDreamer]

Posted: 11/6/05 at 6:01pm

I'm all for fostering honesty and directness... that way there are no misunderstandings.

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 11/6/05 at 6:04pm

I have a very close friend from high school who I "dated" in middle school. It was really fake dating. It was nothing. We remained very, very close friends throughout high school, and we still are. But we have this sort of cyclical relationship. My friend is extremely forward, and just... for years, he couldn't take the hints. He'd make all sorts of advances, and would profess his love, asking me why we weren't together. But I just... I'm not interested in him that way. He couldn't ever take that -- he just kept trying, like if he kept at it, eventually, I'd change my mind. We've talked about it, and we have the same fight at least once a year. It's awful.

That said, I don't think there's any way around it but to be completely honest. You have to explain to him how you feel, as corny as that sounds. Avoiding it isn't going to get your point across, and neither are subliminal messages. It just doesn't work that way.

[Type_A_Tiff]

Posted: 11/6/05 at 6:05pm

OR if I want to be totally dishonest and non-confrontational I thougth about develping a fake crush on one of my frisnds coming with us to the movie and telling him aaalll about it.

That was going to be my advice if you said it was just an impression you were getting. So you could play dumb. If you had "the talk" with him when he hasn't outright told you, he could make it seem like this was all in your head so he'd save face, and then both of you would look like assholes.

Oh, and for the real cincher, tell him out of the blue that you love your friendship, and that you think of him like a brother. That usually finishes it.

And lord knows I'm the expert!

[stares at unknocked door and non-ringing phone]


ETA: Em, it's Munku, isn't it?

Updated On: 11/6/05 at 06:05 PM

[Unknown User]

Posted: 11/6/05 at 6:09pm

Em, 30 or 40 years from now this just might be the guy you marry on the rebound...and it may well take those decades for you to realize that.

Life is strange that way.

Let me know how it turns out.

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 11/6/05 at 6:10pm

It might. And that'd be okay. Someday.

[manders]

Posted: 11/6/05 at 6:24pm

And that's a good thing?!

[Type_A_Tiff]

Posted: 11/6/05 at 6:27pm

Sure, why not? If it's meant to be, it's meant to be, and it doesn't have to be love at first sight. If Em ends up marrying her middle-school boyfriend after years of resistance, and realizes later on that he's the one and he's been waiting for her all this time, it would be romantic!

[manders]

Posted: 11/6/05 at 6:31pm

If that's the way it works out, you , Em, are the object of many girls' envy.

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 11/6/05 at 6:32pm

People change. But the thing that I've always kept site of is the immediate time. It's unfair for me to lead him on simply because I'm non-confrontational, and it's begun to be uncomfortable to be alone with him. So, direct honesty was all I could give.

[DayDreamer]

Posted: 11/6/05 at 6:34pm

*swoons at the romantic notion of unfinished love*


Speaking as a man who does not quite understand hints very well, direct and honest works very well. The guys I dated that were direct and honest and/or with whom I was direct and honest, have remained friends, or at least friendly. The ones who tried the hint part or tried to get the way around it, always end up badly.

[Plum]

Posted: 11/6/05 at 6:51pm

*swoons at the romantic notion of unfinished love*

God, how medieval. That notion always seemed more miserable (and, at a certain point, silly) than romantic to me.

[KelRel]

Posted: 11/6/05 at 6:57pm

Careful Em, I had a friend like that. I now call him my husband.