being gay- Page 2

[Pip]

Posted: 11/12/04 at 9:42am

Welcome, Jasper! You've come to the right place! Here we might take issue with your opinions but not with your sexuality. You've taken a big step in just acknowledging to yourself. Take your time and explore what's right for you. On this issue, this is a very understanding community and, as others have said, if you ever need to talk...just drop a PM!

[Bobby457]

Posted: 11/12/04 at 9:54am

HI Jasper! Let me give you a big ole WELCOME!!!!!!


did you get your toaster yet??

[midtowngym]

Posted: 11/12/04 at 9:57am

*sniff sniff* who says we're just a bunch of nasty, bitter queens? We just performed some community service--or Jasper did, by making us all feel good.

[Unknown User]

Posted: 11/12/04 at 9:58am

Here, here Middy! Of course, I'm just waiting for someone to post, "Want some candy, little boy?"

[Bobby457]

Posted: 11/12/04 at 10:01am

Jasper, you are so lucky to have found this kind of support....I wish I had had that kind of support when I was younger...sure wold have changed my life I think

[Mister Matt]

Posted: 11/12/04 at 10:25am

What a wonderful message to read first thing at the office! Congrats, Jasper! I'm sure you will do what you feel is appropriate and there certainly is no rush. Just keep in mind that people may surprise you, especially families. It sounds like you have a close and loving family and though they may express certain opinions regarding gays and lesbians, it is an entirely different matter when they discover someone they love is gay. Their eyes are suddenly opened to the fact that gays are regular people who love just like anyone else and not so different as they assumed. And sometimes, they realize that being gay doesn't "change" a person at all because they have never changed to begin with.

Good Luck!

[PalJoey]

Posted: 11/12/04 at 10:54am

Congratulations, Jasper. First you have to come out to yourself, then to a friend you trust, then a network of friends. (You already have that here on BWW!)

If you feel unsafe where you live, take your time about coming out to family and friends. You don't have to do it all at once.

Here's a helpful book that goes into the issues of building self-esteem and how to talk to homophobic family members and friends. Ultimately, the author says, the stress of coming out is not as hard as the stress of staying in was.

Oh--and rent Auntie Mame, if you haven't seen it yet. It's required.
Outing Yourself: How to Come Out as Lesbian or Gay to Your Family, Friends, and Coworkers

Updated On: 11/12/04 at 10:54 AM

[MaTakeALookAtMe]

Posted: 11/12/04 at 12:12pm

Hey man, it's tough. I was like you too. I didn't want to be cause I knew that when I came out I would lose everything. So I waited til I was in my midtwenties and miserable. I did get excommunicated from my church and all of my friends from church, which had been my only life, treat me as I am dead. My family, while struggling with the issue, has been surprisingly supportive. And even better, I now have a lot of friends, straight and gay, that accept me for who I am, not who they think I should be. And now, it is more than just something I'm stuck with...it is actually the choice I'd make even if I could change things.

[virgil blessing2]

Posted: 11/12/04 at 12:42pm

Jasper,

I was so wonderfully heartened to read your post. Let me welcome you to the board and to the beginning of a marvelous journey of self-discovery. (I, myself, came-out in college.)

Your admisison of being gay was a MASSIVE first step and you should be exceedingly proud of having done that. Be proud also of who and what you are.

If you have any questions, or just care to vent, please post it here, or feel free to PM me, or any of the other sublime people here.

We are here for you, we support you, and we accept you.

[Unknown User]

Posted: 11/12/04 at 12:52pm

BTW: I don't recall Jasper mentioning on the board his age. This can happen to anyone at any age...Hopefully this will inspire and encourage a man or woman to open up to being their true self regardless. It's NEVER too late to live!

[Jimmcf]

Posted: 11/12/04 at 1:15pm

Welcome Jasper.

If there is anything I can do to help. Although I am out to my family and friends, my best friend is not. And it makes me sad to see him struggle so...I wish there was more I could do to help.

Remember, you are not alone, and there is nothing to be ashamed or afraid of...

[Jasper D]

Posted: 11/12/04 at 2:41pm

Thank you so much to everyone who posted, it has really made me feel better. Im 19 by the way, and do not know one gay person. Maybe if I had gone to college I would have met a lot of people like you, but well in high school I was so messed up...and really I didnt work as hard as I should have, the end result being Im stuck here in a job I really dont like - but anyway I think I will just carry on as I was for now...I dont think I could handle the mess that coming out would bring, and anyway I still have to work up the courage. One day I hope to be as secure as you - I just can not see how you all manage it- but in the meantime I'll continiue admiring you all - it helps to know that people like you exist.

[Jimmcf]

Posted: 11/12/04 at 3:01pm

You now know a lot more than 1 gay person...

And everyone has their own timframe of when it is right to come out - some very early, some late, or some not at all. You do what is right for you...but keep in mind, I am a lot happier being out than I ever was being in the closet...

[Marquise]

Posted: 11/12/04 at 3:11pm

jasper - - -

i'm happy you've chosen to acknowledge your sexuality. i can relate to what you're going through. right now it's hard. actually admitting it to yourself is the first step. it took me a long time to even acknowledge that part of myself. for years i supressed it. i dated women and only women. i was engaged at one point. then i had my first sexual experience with another man, but i kept everything on the down-low.

after awhile i just classified myself as bi-sexual and just played both sides of the fence. until recently i was with a female. we broke up this summer after being together for 2 years. awhile after i met this wonderful guy and we've been together for 3 months now and i haven't been happier.

that's just my journey....i went through the same things: not acknowledging, not wanting anyone else to know...i'm over that.
i'm comfortable in my own skin now.

it's going to take awhile my friend...i wish you all the best in however you chose to go about this. after all it is your life. but rest assure that you have a safe haven here and a bunch of great people that will lend an ear if you need it.

much luck to you my friend!

- - - Marquise Updated On: 11/12/04 at 03:11 PM

[BT]

Posted: 11/12/04 at 3:23pm

I already gave Jasper my thoughts, but this one goes out to all of the other posters on this thread... You guys are great. If I had this kind of support when I was in the closet in my small midwestern community I think I would have come out a lot sooner and been more at ease with who I really was.

The community aspect of this board is wonderful.

And to think I almost believed that the internet really was just for porn...

[Anastasia_Beaverhausen]

Posted: 11/12/04 at 3:23pm

Welcome. I can't really say anything that someone hasn't said already...but I wanted to say good luck. You are part of a wonderful group of people and there will always be support for you. If nowhere else, then on this board!

[aspiringguy715]

Posted: 11/12/04 at 3:31pm

What a wonderful post!

I've never officially outed myself on this site, but certain posts about a certain Michael Arden have suggested certain things...

Anywho, congrats on taking such a huge step. It was hard to even suggest anything, or answer people's questions about it here. I'm far from out at home, so I have a long way to go. Just remember we're all here to support you. BWW has been so great with that, I owe a lot to certain people.

"Guys grab a girl, girls grab a guy, girls grab a girl, and guys grab a guy, just grab ahold of somebody whatever feels right..."

I love "Zanna, Don't!"

[Dollypop]

Posted: 11/12/04 at 6:18pm

Jasper,

Welcome to the club! You'll eventually grow to accept yourself more and more. Remember, being gay is an honor. By admitting to yourself that you are gay, you are putting yourself in the same league as Michelangelo, Tchiakovsky, da Vinci, Bernstein, Capote, and a whole host of intelligent and creative people.

Glad you took that first step.

A big hug,

Dollypop.

[grownupgroupie]

Posted: 11/12/04 at 6:23pm

...Virginia Woolf, Tennessee Williams, King James I of England (!), Garcia Lorca....

You will find your way....lean on the good people here

[RobbO]

Posted: 11/12/04 at 9:07pm

wow! great post everyone - especially BT and PalJoey. Check out the link to the book PalJoey provided - it is a great resource. And BT, I echo your sentiments about the people on this board in this particular post. as for EVERYONE else, well done and well said by a great community of people from diverse backgrounds - gay and straight, alike.

Updated On: 11/12/04 at 09:07 PM

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 11/12/04 at 9:23pm

AG, I love you!!!

Welcome, Jasper! I'm a straight female, so I can't really offer my help, but we're glad to have you. So...

Willkommen.
Bienvenue.
Welcome!

[BroadwayMonkey]

Posted: 11/12/04 at 9:38pm

Sweetie, welcome, and congrats on taking that first step!

As a straight fenmale, I know my words may not mean much, but we all love you and treasure you the way you are.

[Ellie3]

Posted: 11/12/04 at 10:06pm

Another straight female here, but WELCOME and any time you're feeling blue, I'm sure you'll find someone here that knows what you're going through...you're not alone!!! As someone very wise once said - If you're going through hell, keep going! :)

[AReinkingfan]

Posted: 11/13/04 at 12:08am

Jasper -

Congrats from a lesbian member of the Board! You HAVE made the first big step and you need to give yourself some credit for that.

Whenever I used to feel low about being gay because of how difficult it can be in today's society (and even tougher in years past), I would think to myself, "We MUST be the chosen people!". Why else would so many people be either mad at us or afraid of us. They're JEALOUS because we are so FABULOUS, Girlfriend!! (:

(Much love to my straight brothers and sisters!)

Updated On: 11/13/04 at 12:08 AM

[JamieMcG]

Posted: 11/13/04 at 12:12am

Congrats Jasper...everything else has been said already. But congrats!