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#1

hatred

Posted: 4/28/05 at 7:54pm

Hi, I'm semi-new here (I've posted a few times before, but never been very involved). I need help with something, and I thought there'd be people on this board who know what I'm talking about. We had anti-hate ribbons handed around at my school today, which were supposed to combat racism and homophobia. An extremely homophobic classmate of mine decided he wasn't going to wear one. He eventually decided he would, but he said it only represented anti-racism, and had nothing to do with homophobia. A friend of mine asked him at lunch how he can be against racism but not homophobia, and his response was that "racism is unnecessary discrimination against a minority", with the obvious implication that homophobia is necessary and not harmful. I couldn't listen to any more, so I stood up and walked out of the conversation. (so much for staying closeted until after I graduate...). Does anyone have any advice for how to deal with hatred? I know I shouldn't let his predjudices get to me, but I felt sick when I heard that. Any ideas?
"The important thing is not that we can live on hope alone, but that life is not worth living without it." - Harvey Milk
#2

re: hatred

Posted: 4/28/05 at 7:59pm

Well, being one of the few straight males here - I will say:

I have a friend who is very homophobic. I am straight but it still annoys me when he says "Gays shouldn't marry!" "Gays should burn!" Etc. I am all for the people. Unfortunately, some people are so close minded, there is nothing to do. I strongly believe that homophobes aren't necessarily homosexual themselves, but afraid that they can be "turned." In essence, insecure.

Why do we "make fun" of people? Usually because we are insecure with ourselves. So why homophobia and racsim? Maybe because of insecurity. Just tell yourself that. He is insecure.
Mama Korey

The Beauty Is: Kelli O'Hara Online

#3

re: hatred

Posted: 4/28/05 at 8:05pm

That's horrible. My friends and I have expirienced stuff like this before, we have always handled it with humor. Sounds dumb, but it works. Example: last year, someone wrote "fags" all over our GSA day of silence signs. we saw them write it and someone said "what do you think of this, queers?" My friend Holly walked over to them, sneezed, and said "oh no! you better run! you might catch it!"

He just sounds like a real looser. Unfourtunatly, people like him exist, and there isn't much we can do about it. I hope that someday he grows up enough to realize how much he hurt people by doing what he does.

I do think it's wonderful, though, that your school is trying to stop homophobia and racism.

::hugs::
Less is more
Ugly is beautiful
"My brother plays a drag queen... and I'm surprised he looks as good as he does in drag." - Adam Rapp

"thanks, abba. now i'll forever have an image of you as a tattoed hardcore straightedge grrl savaging people in the mosh pit." - papalovesmambo

"Yeah Abba. All the filthy crap you spew out there on those boards. I for one, am equally shocked. :-P" - AnnaK
#4

re: hatred

Posted: 4/28/05 at 8:09pm

Thanks - I keep trying to tell myself that he's just insecure. I can laugh at him to a certain point, but when he's saying that I should essentially be locked away in a prison somewhere, it stings.

Oh, and I thought I might want to clear something up, given where I'm posting - I'm a non-straight female.
"The important thing is not that we can live on hope alone, but that life is not worth living without it." - Harvey Milk
#6

re: hatred

Posted: 4/28/05 at 8:12pm

::hugs back:: Thank you! I love the story about your friend - that's hilarious. My classmate seems to believe that homosexuality is contagious and a choice. I'm not quite sure how he's worked that one out. Perhaps you are exposed to the 'germs', and then have to quickly decided whether or not to catch it? Sigh...
"The important thing is not that we can live on hope alone, but that life is not worth living without it." - Harvey Milk
#7

re: hatred

Posted: 4/28/05 at 8:12pm

we call those lesbians here. ;o)

seriously, welcome to the boards!
That which doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.
Trust me.....it doesn't get easier hearing that crap through the years, but you have to consider the source........
It is ridiculous to set a detective story in New York City. New York City is itself a detective story... AGATHA CHRISTIE, Life magazine, May 14, 1956
#8

re: hatred

Posted: 4/28/05 at 8:14pm

and...years from now when you are in a committed, loving relationship.....and he's fat, bald, and wondering why his wife left him.....you'll know!
It is ridiculous to set a detective story in New York City. New York City is itself a detective story... AGATHA CHRISTIE, Life magazine, May 14, 1956
#9

re: hatred

Posted: 4/28/05 at 8:19pm

Oh, that's a word? Heh heh. I thought of that after I posted. Although I think I'll stick with non-straight for now until I feel more certain about it.... And thanks - I'll keep an image in my head of him alone, fat and balding, and it'll make me smile every time I think of it!
"The important thing is not that we can live on hope alone, but that life is not worth living without it." - Harvey Milk
#10

re: hatred

Posted: 4/28/05 at 8:21pm

hehe, I like your description better anyway.....non-straight female.....it has a certain ring!

It is ridiculous to set a detective story in New York City. New York City is itself a detective story... AGATHA CHRISTIE, Life magazine, May 14, 1956
#11

re: hatred

Posted: 4/28/05 at 8:22pm

aww, sun, i'm sorry. who you're attracted to has no affect on anyone. it doesn't change who you are. and who you want to have a relationship with is totally your choice. and those that care about you should accept it, and those that can't... well, they're not worth your time or energy.
#12

re: hatred

Posted: 4/28/05 at 8:23pm

Ick- peolple can be so stupid at times! And closed-minded. But ona good note, welcome to the boards!
A most ingenious paradox.
#13

re: hatred

Posted: 4/28/05 at 8:34pm

Wow, I'm so glad I decided to post here. Thank you so much, everyone! I'm starting to feel a lot less like someone just punched me in the stomach now. And Elphaba - thanks, I think I may stick with 'non-straight female' - I'm getting quite attached to it.
"The important thing is not that we can live on hope alone, but that life is not worth living without it." - Harvey Milk
#14

re: hatred

Posted: 4/28/05 at 8:37pm

anytime......my pleasure!
It is ridiculous to set a detective story in New York City. New York City is itself a detective story... AGATHA CHRISTIE, Life magazine, May 14, 1956
#15

re: hatred

Posted: 4/29/05 at 1:17am

I'm using my blog to compile pro-gay arguments as I feel the need to jot them down. Please feel free to check it out. :)

<--------blog link
johnraymondbarker.com
#16

re: hatred

Posted: 4/29/05 at 6:41am

We have this incredibly homophobic guy in our class who thinks that all gay people should be thrown in jail (I know, what the hell?). Anyway, my friends (of whom 2 are gay) & I have found the only way to shut him up is to laugh at him. Well, not laugh at him, but make him believe that we think he's joking. He gets so confused that in the end he just gives up and instead of feeling superior he just feels defeated.
J'ai compris tous les mots, j'ai bien compris, merci.............
#17

re: hatred

Posted: 4/30/05 at 2:13pm

Ha, something good came of all this crap. I had a complete meltdown on Thursday night on the way home from a performance with my mom, which resulted in me (in an emotional mess) coming out! (and breaking one of the main rules of coming-out-ed-ness, which I believe is not to come out in a moving vehicle... or is it jump out of a moving vehicle? re: hatred ). HA HA! I did it!
"The important thing is not that we can live on hope alone, but that life is not worth living without it." - Harvey Milk
#18

re: hatred

Posted: 4/30/05 at 2:57pm

Congratulations! That's a huge step. How did your mom take it?
"I am special, I am special! Please, God, please, don't let me be normal!" ---Louisa, The Fantasticks
---
---
Intolerant of intolerance.
#19

re: hatred

Posted: 4/30/05 at 3:40pm

Thank you! She took it wonderfully. And already knew. Mothers are amazing.
"The important thing is not that we can live on hope alone, but that life is not worth living without it." - Harvey Milk
#20

re: hatred

Posted: 4/30/05 at 4:10pm

that is so great, and you are so lucky to have a mom like that......I think most parents know long before we do
It is ridiculous to set a detective story in New York City. New York City is itself a detective story... AGATHA CHRISTIE, Life magazine, May 14, 1956
#21

re: hatred

Posted: 4/30/05 at 9:24pm

Merci, Elphaba (although I'd like you to know I'm quite irritated with you for making me so curious about Hitchhiker)! She is getting a lot of flowers and many hugs this Mothers' Day... I think you're right about them knowing before we do. She was sure a lot more accepting of the whole thing than I was originally!
"The important thing is not that we can live on hope alone, but that life is not worth living without it." - Harvey Milk
#22

re: hatred

Posted: 4/30/05 at 9:38pm

I'm glad your mom was so understanding. When I hear people talking about homosexuality being a choice, I want to ask them if they remember deciding to be heterosexual. I certainly don't - it's just how things are.
#23

re: hatred

Posted: 5/1/05 at 2:46am

I always love that. Yeah, I sat down and thought "Geez, high school is just way too easy to deal with the way it is. How can I make things harder on myself? Aha! I will become a lesbian!" I especially love, as I said before, if they think at the same time that it's contagious. I've never quite figured out how they think those two work together....
"The important thing is not that we can live on hope alone, but that life is not worth living without it." - Harvey Milk
#24

re: hatred

Posted: 5/1/05 at 2:53am

Don't let it get to you. You should just feel bad for them that they are so ignorant. It has nothing to do with you...
"If you are going to do something, do it well. And leave something witchy." -Charlie Manson
#25

re: hatred

Posted: 5/1/05 at 5:12am

in the words of the incubus:
"don't let the world bring you down. not everyone here is that fooked up and cold."

congrads on coming out. i tried to do that once in 10th grade and my mom threw me back in the closet and locked the key. i'm trying to knock down the door but last time, she tried to take me to one of those "gay recovery" places. the therapist i had at the time told her it wasn't a mental condition and that it was dangerous to try and change someone's orintation. she did not take that well, either. so then she just decided it would be easier if we both pretended i was straight. she'll most likely hate me if i try to come out again, and i don't want that to happen because she's my best friend. it's a conundrum, for sure. anyway you're very lucky to have such a cool mum, and good luck with the jerks at school re: hatred

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