irish jokes

[AbbaRabbit]

Posted: 3/17/06 at 12:30pm

a man walked into a bar and sat down next to the only other person in the bar. he asked if he could buy him a drink.
"of cource!" the other man said.
the started talking. "where are you from?" asked the first man.
"ireland!" said the second man. "no kidding! i'm from ireland too! lets have another round to ireland!" the first man said. "to ireland!" the second man agreed.
the first man grew curious. "where in ireland are you from?" he asked. "dublin" replies the second man.
"i'm from dublin too!" the first man said "let's have another round to dublin!" "to dublin!"
the first man's curiosity was getting the best of him and he asked "what school did you go to?"
the second man replied "st mary's... class of '62"
"what a coinsidence! i went to st. mary's and graduated in '62! let's drink to st. mary's!" "to st. mary's!"
just then another man walked into the bar and went up to the bartender.
"what's new?" he said
the bartender replied "oh nothing much... the o'malley twins are drunk again."

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an irishman was being questioned in the death of his wife.
"did she say anything ebfore she died?" asked the policeman
"she spoke uninterupted, non-stop for 40 years" replied the irishman

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an irishman, a scottish man, and an englishman were on a boat together. the found a lamp and to their surprise and geenie popped out.
"i will give you one wish each" the geenie explained.
the scottish man went first. "i'm a fisherman, my father was a fisherman, his father was a fisherman, and my son will be a fisherman. i want you to fill the seas up with fish forever."
the geenie nodded and the seas were full of fish.
the englishman went next
"i want a wall around england, to protect her and keep inruders out."
with a nod of his head, the geenie created a wall around england.
the irishman said "tell me more about this wall"
the geenie explained "it's 150 feet tall, and 50 feet thick so nothing can get in or out."
the irishman smiled. "fill it up with water"

[xxnewgirlxx]

Posted: 3/17/06 at 12:42pm

Three Irishmen, drunk as can be, come staggering down the street singing Danny Boy at the top of their lungs.

They stopped in front of The Murphy house still singing.

After a few minutes the window flies open and Mrs. Murphy yells out, "why don't you drunken sots go somewhere else?"

"Are you Mrs. Murphy?" asks one of the drunks.

"You know damn well I am," she says.

"Well can you tell us which one of us is your husband so the other two of us can go home?"

[Chevstriss]

Posted: 3/17/06 at 3:02pm

Hoff ain't Irish, but i think this qualifies as a joke:

[cturtle]

Posted: 3/17/06 at 5:05pm

what's irish and green and sits outside?
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paddy o'furniture

[Mr Roxy]

Posted: 3/17/06 at 5:51pm

What is an Irish 7 Course meal?

A six pack and a potato

[Dirty Rotten Scoundrel]

Posted: 3/17/06 at 7:23pm

This is my favorite ever:

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money; between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

Murphy said "Hang on, I have an idea."

He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.

Shamus said "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!"

Murphy replied "Don't worry - just follow me."

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.

Shamus said "Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!"

Murphy replied, with a smile "Don't worry, I have a plan, Cheers!" They downed their drinks.

Murphy said "OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth."

The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out. They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

At the tenth pub Shamus said "Murphy - I don't think I can do any moreo'this. I'm drunk and me knees are killin' me!"

Murphy said "How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the third pub."

[theatrebabe]

Posted: 3/17/06 at 9:05pm

What's an irish marriage proposal?









"You're WHAT?!"

[EponineThenardier]

Posted: 3/17/06 at 11:27pm

Bwaahahhahahha!