Avenue Jew

Posted: 6/4/04 at 12:52am

I read somewhere that there was going to be a DVD released that included the Avenue Jew sketch that the casts of Q and Fiddler did together at a benefit. Does anyone know if that came to fruition, and if so, how to obtain a copy?

[Grace2]

Posted: 6/4/04 at 1:41am

http://www.broadwaybeat.com/http://www.broadwaybeat.com/>http://www.broadwaybeat.com/

Posted: 6/4/04 at 8:34am

Thank you so much! That is perfect

[broadwaystar2b]

Posted: 6/4/04 at 11:53am

For people who really care, I got this off of Playbill(it's long):

Avenue Jew
Lyrics by Randy Bobish, Rick Lyon, James Valletti, Stephanie D'Abruzzo, Molly Ephraim, Jordan Gelber and Melissa Bohon.

The Avenue Jew sketch began with Trekkie Monster playing the opening strains of Fiddler on the Roof on a fiddle, which he proceeded to eat and destroy after playing a few sour notes.
(To the tune of Avenue Q opening):
ALL: Dai dai dai (dai dai dai)
Adonoi (nai nai nai nai nai nai)
Oy!
The sun is setting on a Friday
A perfect evening for a Jew to pray
But you've got lots of rules to obey
More than a few!
WOMEN: Prepare the candles and the wine and bread
MEN: Observe the Sabbath like the Torah said
ALL: It's nearly time for a brucha, so what should you do?
Go home to Avenue Jew
You live on Avenue Jew
Your lawyer does too
Your colors are white and blue
When you live on Avenue Jew
You schlep on Avenue Jew
You kvetch on Avenue Jew!

Tevye and Family Enter
TEVYE: Uncle Avram's place must be around here somewhere, Golde. Excuse me, miss...oh...
KATE: Shalom. Welcome to Avenue Jew. I'm Kate Monsterwitz.
TEVYE: Oh, hello. I'm Tevye and this is my family. This is mine...this is mine...this is mine...(sees Little Boy) this is not mine. Who the hell is this kid?
BIELKE: I think he was in Nine, Papa.
TEVYE: Stop following us! Get out! (to Kate) So, well, you're a...um...
KATE: A puppet. Yeah. What's the matter, you got a problem with puppets or something?

(To the tune of "Tradition")
PUPPETS: Who steals the scenes with cute and fuzzy features
Legless furry creatures made of fleece and foam?
HUMANS: And who plays the straight man to these hairy things
And wishes they would just go home?
ALL: The puppets/humans...the puppets/humans...
The puppets/humans!
The puppets/humans...the puppets/humans...
The puppets/humans!

CHANUKAH EVE: I sick of all this upstaging. It hard work to make presence known.
BRIAN: Easy, honey. (To Tevye) Shalom. You must be new to the neighborhood. I'm Brian, and this is my wife, Chanukah Eve.
CHANUKAH EVE: Shalom. I convert for green card.

(Music begins)
GOLDE: What's that music?
KATE: It means a new puppet is entering.
CHANUKAH EVE: God forbid we get new human around here.

Princeton enters

(To the tune of "B.A. in English")
PRINCETON: What do you do with a B.A. in Yiddish?
Who the hell majors in that?
(To Tevye)
Oh, hi. I'm Jewish American Princeton.
SHPRINTZE: Hi, I'm Shprintze. You're cute.
KATE: Hands off, jailbait! I saw him first!
TEVYE: (To Princeton) Oh, no you don't! Look, Princeton, I like you but ?
PRINCETON: I know, I know ?
(To the tune of "If I Were a Rich Man")
If I were a human?

(All groan. Rod enters.)
(To the tune of "Matchmaker")
ROD: Matchmaker, matchmaker make me a match
Find me a guy, no foreskin attached
Night after night in the dark I'm alone
So find me a top of my own!

(Mrs. Thistletwat enters.)
MRS. T: Roddy! Oh Roddy!
Have I got a guy for you!
He's wealthy! He's gay! And yes he is a Jew
And he's a nice man, a good man, true?

(Lazar Wolf enters.)
LAZAR: ?true.
TEVYE: Lazar Wolf! You're a fageleh?
LAZAR: I'm a lonely man, Tevye.
(Rod Rushes to Lazar)

SHPRINTZE: Papa, Princeton and I want to be married.
TEVYE: I'll be brief ? On the other hand ? on the other hand ? Tradition ? sure, go ahead.

(Princeton and Shprintze run off)

KATE: (after Shprintze) Slut!
BRIAN: Chanukah Eve, this reminds me of our wedding day. Chanukah Eve, (to the tune of "Do You Love Me") Do you love me?
CHANUKAH EVE (flatly) No.

ROD: Wait! Lazar, we must first ask permission to wed.

("Hail to the Chief Plays" and a Dubya puppet enters, flanked by Secret Service.)
ALL: It's the Tsar!
ROD: Tsar Dubya, we beg you to accept us!
DUBYA: No, no, no!

(To the tune of "Tradition")
DUBYA: Amendment!
Marriages must be reserved
For the heteros!
None of the gays can ever be wed
That's what I said
That's what I said
That's what I said

(Ben Brantley enters)
BEN: And I said Melanie Griffith was the best Roxie Hart ever!
ALL: Oh my God, it's Ben Brantley!
BEN: Yes, I am!

(To the tune of "It Sucks to Be Me")
BEN: My name's Ben Brantley
I write the Times reviews
Who cares about gay marriage?
Where are all the Jews?
KATE: Oh, come off it, Brantley.
HAVILAND: We all eat bagels.
JAMES: We all have overbearing mothers.
RANDY: And thanks to critics like you, we all feel persecuted.
GOLDE: So everyone's a little bit Jewish.

(To the tune of "Everyone's a Little Bit Racist")
TEVYE: We're a little bit Jewish
BEN: No, you're not Jewish at all!
ANN: It doesn't matter who's Jewish
KATE: Suggesting that you have to be sure takes gall
GOLDE: Oh you read the review?
BIELKE: And it's nothing new? that boy from Oz was gay so who do they pick?
ROD/LAZAR: Hugh Jackman's really good, but has he ever sucked d*&!?

ALL: Take some time and think it through
Nathan Lane always plays a Jew
Maybe we should stop this arguing
Jackie Mason did a musical ?
BEN: and couldn't sing!

FRANCIS: Antonio Banderas in Nine? Not Italian.
NICKY: Idina Menzel in Wicked? Not green.
BRIAN: Toni Braxton in Aida? Not an actress!!!

ALL: Everyone's a little bit Jewish, you see
MELISSA: Not me!
GOLDE: Not me!
BIELKE: I am!

ALL: In theatre you can be whatever you wish to be
God above has always meant
To include everyone in his covenant
Embrace the Jew in you while there's still time
Raise the Manischevitz ? and L'chaim ?

CHANUKAH EVE: Everyone's a little bit Jewish!
ALL: Oy!

[mominator]

Posted: 6/4/04 at 12:21pm

OK I am having a blonde day. I get to the site from the link and which date do I hit? I love the lyrics ( Oh please release it!) Thanks for any help! ( Now back to being blonde! boy do I need a mojito!)
B

Updated On: 6/4/04 at 12:21 PM

[broadwaystar2b]

Posted: 6/4/04 at 12:25pm

May 3rd sweetie (Easter Bonnet Highlights)

Posted: 6/4/04 at 12:26pm

Hey Mominator - when I went to the site, there was actually a specific graphic in the center of the page that was dedicated to this show - it was the Easter Bonnet benefit.

[mominator]

Posted: 6/4/04 at 1:51pm

Thanks guys!!! That was great!
B

[wendy72]

Posted: 6/4/04 at 4:51pm

Ok, I'm blonde--will ignore your reference...but, I ordered this tape--great footage of the Avenue Q gang, plus the other Easter Bonnet performances. Good chance to briefly see John's understudy, Barrett Foa, perform as Princeton, while John handles Rod. Love that John!
I haven't finished watching it, but Tovah Felsuh is terrific as Golda Meir as a chorus girl. I have never seen her work on stage before, but she has great presence, both as a performer and a presenter.