If you really want to break some ice, try these:
"Don't be afraid to use the armrest; that disgusting fungus is now only on my feet."
"I'm seeing this show tonight in celebration of being STD-free!"
"Now, I may need to make a mad dash out of my seat tonight. You see, I've been throwing up constantly for the past 2 days..."
"I've never seen this show before...with underwear on!"
"Oh, please don't mind any random outbursts. They just changed my medication."
"How long do you suppose it would take the NYPD to hunt down an escaped convict?"
...And so, there I was at the stage door for "Equus". The enthused avalanche of "Harry Potter" fans was literally pushing me into the barricades. As I was thrust face-first into Daniel Radcliffe's hat, I suddenly felt the thumb of a lanky gentleman behind me pressing firmly into my back. It was then that I realized that both of his hands had Playbills, and that both arms were outstretched in front of me...