Can you tell me what you think?

[ucjrdude902]

Posted: 4/14/08 at 8:25pm

So lately I've been wanting to write a show and I've just been given that boost of inspiration per say. Now I'm not saying I'm going to make it Broadway I'm just writing. So far. Tell me what you think. It's a about a Broadway alumni who once had it all and is now struggling to get it back. Tell me what you think...so far..btw its all been copyrighted.

Please keep in mind this is VERY early in the creative process.
_______________________________________________________________

(As the lights come up on the stage the streets of NYC come to life on stage left. We see the stage door of a Broadway theatre, fans surrounding the barricades waiting to get a autograph, a picture anything from the latest Broadway star. Stage right you need your “normal New Yorker” pushing the crowd trying to get to his train)

Ryan Hower
Excuse me! Excuse me! Can you get out of the way? Trust me they aren’t that special. Excuse me. Watch the coffee! Watch the coffee!(While pushing through the crowd he drops his iPod on street cracking the screen) Are you freaking kidding me? This is freaking ridiculous. (Grabs the iPod off the street and then looks out to the audience. With looking out into the audience you hear a ding and the crazed fans,etc freeze)

You are probably thinking I’m just another New York ****but I’ve got my reasons for being disgruntled. You see that use to be me. I played 8 shows a week, there in that same theatre, it was an honor to even step foot on the stage of the Palace. Created an original Broadway role. When through the life of press that comes along with opening a new show. Did the View, GMA, Today show, all the big morning spots. Red carpets, parties the whole 10 yards. Went on to win a TONY. But that was just the beginning

(Blackout- You hear in the darkness why the stage is being changed “And the winner for Best Leading Actor goes to Ryan Hower”—you hear the crowd go wild. Scene comes up and you see a sing in the background displaying “Congrats Winners”—you can tell it’s the TONY after party. Stars upon stars are at Sardi’s partying the night away. You see Ryan and boyfriend mingling when someone walks up)

Reporter
Ryan, maybe a few questions?

Ryan
Sure no problem anything for the fans.

Reporter
First off who’s the date?

Ryan
Long time boyfriend Jansen.

Reporter
How’s it feel to win a TONY in your first Broadway show ever.

Ryan
Oh it’s nothing. Just spread word to Ms.McDonald I plan to shatter her record. (Takes sip of his sophisticated martini)

[ucjrdude902]

Posted: 4/14/08 at 8:31pm

You can post your comments here or PM me thanks!

[TooDarnHot]

Posted: 4/14/08 at 8:31pm

synopsis? plot?

all I know is that it's about some washed up Broadway star...

[zooxanthellae]

Posted: 4/14/08 at 8:32pm

yeah... where are you going to with it?

[ucjrdude902]

Posted: 4/14/08 at 8:34pm

Synopsis is basically that with him becoming a "Star" he starts to lose the people that mean the most to him and that helped him get to where he was. Then when its gone and he wants and tries to get it back he starts to realize all the people he pissed off are the ones that he now needs. But in his journey he starts to realize what is really important.

[nitsua]

Posted: 4/14/08 at 8:38pm

You wasted your money on that?

The dialogue isn't bad. Besides the bad format, it's okay.

But did you really copyright this little snippet? It's not worth it.

[ucjrdude902]

Posted: 4/14/08 at 8:38pm

Ha. No I didn't copyright it.
By the way im TOTALLY open to constructive criticism. Updated On: 4/14/08 at 08:38 PM

[TooDarnHot]

Posted: 4/14/08 at 8:40pm

an extremely basic and simplistic plot.

there are dozens (upon dozens) of Broadway shows, television shows, and movies like this.

hope the music is going to be something amazing, to make up for the lack of originality.

[zooxanthellae]

Posted: 4/14/08 at 8:40pm

It sounds a lot like many movies that are made about burnt out hollywood stars or sports stars.

[ucjrdude902]

Posted: 4/14/08 at 8:41pm

What direction could you see it going?

[TooDarnHot]

Posted: 4/14/08 at 8:41pm

zoo - it's also similar to a cross of MERRILY and another musical that I can't really put my finger on right now.

I can even connect the themes of CHESS to this plot.

You need to change it up, to make it something different and special.

[ucjrdude902]

Posted: 4/14/08 at 8:58pm

Thanks for the tips :). I do appreciate them.

[TooDarnHot]

Posted: 4/14/08 at 9:06pm

What is the music like?

[Prisoner 24601]

Posted: 4/14/08 at 9:07pm

It's fine to use a particular "moment" to inspire your writing, but to use it to reveal everything about the character's past, desires, situation, in the space of one minute at the beginning of the show (at least that seems like what's happening) is a bit careless. You don't always have to start at the beginning.

Anyway, as an audience member, what you have so far seems to set up a series of flashbacks. That may or may not work well with where you're trying to go. You'll need to write more of your play- anything about it- before the plot and character layers emerge. In the process of writing you can learn more about your characters and your message by simply doing something as small as writing and rewriting a sentence. By revising, sometimes something about your new choice of words clicks that makes you think, "What if he said this..what if this happened instead?" And can lead you to deeper insight about your character's story.

If you want to go for something more meaningful than the "broadway burn-out" story, your character will need to care a lot more about what he does. Either that, or he needs to learn by suddenly being removed from fame what it means to really care about his art. (Think about motivation- maybe he was only in it for the fame, how does this fall from stardom change him?) Right now he just seems pretentious.

[musicalmaster703]

Posted: 4/14/08 at 9:40pm

Very good so far, whats the music like?

[ucjrdude902]

Posted: 4/14/08 at 10:09pm

Is your comment serious?

As of right now I want it a peice that can have music. But work with out it also. A friend of mine is coming up with the 3 "demo" songs

1. That Was Me
2. I Want it Back
3. (We'll he hasnt told me about it yet)

[TheatreDiva612]

Posted: 4/14/08 at 11:27pm

You said, "Tell me what you think...so far..btw its all been copyrighted."

But then you said that it is NOT copyrighted... ???

[ucjrdude902]

Posted: 4/14/08 at 11:41pm

It was a small joke. Haha?

[LimelightMike]

Posted: 4/15/08 at 12:31am

I read it, and re-read it, and read it once more...

Okay, it's like this: As previously stated, it reminds us to omuch of 'other projects' - be it a television series, movie, whatever the medium - it's all the same story. I know what you're trying to say (trust me, I'm an aspiring lyricist/librettist myself), and I have nothing but the utmost well wishes and high hopes for you as you dream big and achieve all the same. I would, however, re-think your ideas - key components to make YOUR story 'real' and 'different' and 'fresh'. We see TOO MUCH of the 'washed-up ol' so-and-so' in the latest slew of Eddie Murphy or Steve Martin comedies (which I kinda-sorta adore ... but, let's get back to the topic at hand). Blank slate, clean start. I'm going to give you the same advice Mr. Andrew Lippa gave me, "Write what you know." That's where the 'gold' is, that's where the 'heart' is. If you have any questions or comments for *me*, feel free to PM me whenever... Here's to progression, my friend!

[KrissySim]

Posted: 4/15/08 at 12:46am

You're braver than I. I'm working on a screenplay for a musical and it is under wraps until AFTER it goes into production. I would never let it open to anonymous reviewers at a formative stage. In fact, I have fun teasing people with it, let them try to get that info from me. Only key people are keyed in i.e. only those with a need to know.

If you don't FEEL that the plot is right, it probably isn't. Likewise for the music and the song/dance numbers. If you feel it is a hit, go for it and play it to the hilt.

I wish you success with your work.

[LizzieCurry]

Posted: 4/15/08 at 12:48am

You sound like the guy who created the Robert Beltran Gripe Generator.
OMG my show is SEKRIT

[KrissySim]

Posted: 4/15/08 at 12:54am

Ha! LOL Secret only to some, and only for now. The internet allows me to vent.

OK here goes:

There are these people they go out and do this stuff. Then some stuff happens that changes the direction of the action. New characters are introduced, and they are not all guys. Unusual twists and turns then transpire....
Updated On: 4/15/08 at 12:54 AM

[musicalmaster703]

Posted: 4/15/08 at 7:25am

Is your comment serious?
yes