Joshua -
First and foremost, from your post alone, I can tell that you are a professional, and without hearing you sing or seeing you act - I would want to work with a professional like you in a heartbeat.
The experiences that you had were horid and earlier today I thought to myself.....maybe I shouldn't have called this thread "Pet Peves" because somebody is going to take it the wrong way - I am glad that you didn't take it the wrong way, but that instead you brought up an important point.
The fact of the matter is that a lot of people are divas. This includes Musicians, Directors, Actors, Designers, Tech Crew, and Producers. Unfortunatley we will both run into people like that our entire time that we work in theatre. The best thing that you can do is kiss that persons butt especially in an audition setting. When you are working with a diva Actor, you need to do the same thing. Kiss their butt until their contract is over, and then never work with them again.
I know it must be hard for actors at auditions because that is your chance to show off. The downside is that you never know who is going to be behind that piano and that is a major factor - I worked for a company that bounced checks on me 5 times over 4 months, never cared and I know that if I ever see them hiring or an audition for them I would NEVER work with them. The other plus about being a musician is that you get a bit more control over refrences and stuff like that.
My recomendation is that if you have a jerk pianist (and they deffinatley exist) and you get cast in the production, you need to talk to the producer about how they treated you - unfortunatley if you dont get cast, then you tend to come off bitter if you complain, but if someones behavior really upset you I would say write a letter to the producer. It may or may not do any good but I have been surprised at refrences I have gotten in the past (fortunatley positive) due to cast members speaking to the producers about me. I am sure that negative feedback would come across to which would limit their ability to get hired. My views on refrences is a much longer thread then this however, so I may post a new one some day.
I deffinatley agree with you that more respect needs to be shown to Actors, and I (in memory of Dr Dillamond) have decided to change the Subject of my response to - Tips for Actors from a Pianist. (Sorry about the Wicked Humor, I couldn't resist - Please nobody respond about Kristen being God - Thanks).
On a completly seperate note, I would love to have the chance to work with you in a professional setting.
Thanks again for your professionalism and for not turning this into a "flaming post" which so often happens around the message boards.
You learn to play the straight man, the lines become routine - never really saying what you mean - but i know the scene will change :)