First off, I think you have created, or begun to create, a fantastic piece of work. My biggest suggestion is that you re-record your demo tracks with people who may be a bit more, shall we say, adept at singing. I would love to hear a few of those gorgeous melodies sung by stronger voices.
So, you said you were open for critiques...I sat and read the libretto and listened to the demo tracks as I went. These are the things that came to mind on my initial read-and-listen-thru:
- I wish that Leo's character was a bit more developed from the very beginning. He is clearly important and has a lot going on, but I couldn't really get into him at first because all of the conversations that he had were missing something. His song is gorgeous and I started to get into his turmoil with the song, but I really wanted that to happen earlier.
-Act One, Scene Five: I'm not really sure why Aaron all of a sudden opens up to Leo and tells him the long story of what happened to him. It's a beautiful monologue, but only moments before he is nervous and uncomfortable and has been avoiding any conversation with anybody. What makes him open up?
-I love the first scene between Max and Elise. It clearly sets up Max's unstable mental state and Elise's frustration in dealing with it.
-The scene with Schroder denouncing Schniedick is very strong. It's the first moment that I realized that Schniedick was really up to something completely different. Before he was just sleazy and a bit suspicious.
-The relationship between Aaron and Leo builds nicely in their later scenes. Some small part of that connection should happen before Aaron's speech--than I would understand why he's willing to tell that story to Leo.
-"Paradise" is one of the most touching moments. It's absolutely charming, especially with the interjected scene between Aaron and Ruth.
-I love "How Could You Leave Me", but I wish that there was some kind of angry verse at the beginning, leading into the beautiful ballad. I think it would make the transition from the violent fight into the soft ballad a bit smoother.
-I found "Together" a bit confusing. I wasn't sure if they were dancing and singing to eachother or if they were singing about eachother and not aware of the other. The song seemed to drag a little, particularly when Chanteuse sings.
-I enjoy "Havana" because it is a refreshing change of pace. The harmony parts at the end are particularly fabulous. My overall feeling about the music of the first act is that, excludng this one and the second part of "Forget", all of the songs are beautiful ballads. They all seem necessary because of the emotional turmoil that all of the characters are going through, but perhaps there could be at least one more up-tempo somewhere in there to keep the songs sounding different and fresh. Good strong ending to Act One.
-I was a little confused...was the ending of Act One merely foreshadowing the fact that the passengers will be required to stay on board or did something happen with the Cubans that has since been disregarded or undiscussed? The conversation between Schroder and Clasing is great, with the Cuban singer underneath. The timing is perfect and the music is not too overwhelming for the dialogue.
-In the libretto, "Waiting, Part I" is written as a duet, but your demo track is just Elise. Which way is it to be done? I think it would be more effective as a duet. I can also definitelt hear the potential for gorgeous harmonies at the very end when all of the people on the deck sing together.
-"Chasing Shadows" is very strong and, again, a much appreciated change of pace. With the right singer, this could be one of the strongest songs in this piece. This is the "Javert's Suicide" of this show.
-Hoffman is great. wouldn't change him at all. His entire delivery when he reveals the scheme to Schroder is perfect!
-I totally connot wait to hear "A Broken Heart". Elise is completely my vocal match in this show and I am very excited to hear her "haunting ballad".
-Act Two, Scene Seven: The dialogue gets a bit heavy and cinfusing. I think it just needs to be slightly tailored or else you're getting into a "Passion" situation, where you start to lose to details of the conversation.
-"Hope" is beautiful and I think the best moment is Goldsmith reaching out to touch the little girl as the boat pulls away and then Hoffman saluting the ship.
-Leo's speech at the end of Act Two, Scene Nine is good, but I felt like his whole journey should have led up to something stronger. As a character, I felt like he deserved something more evocative than this speech. Certainly a good start, though.
-Absolutely beautiful ending!!!
I hope you don't think that I'm some crazy, critical freak. I only did this because I really have the utmost respect for the work that you have done. I plan on keeping thoroughly updated on this project and if any if these comments are helpful to you, please let me know. I hope that this project goes somewhere because I would be the first in line to actively try to participate or, at the very least, see the final product.
Oh, and I do like the title and the logo.
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First you're another sloe-eyed vamp, then someone's mother, then you're camp...
