funniest quotes from shows old and new
funniest quotes from shows old and new
#0funniest quotes from shows old and new
Posted: 3/6/05 at 6:38pm
hey everybody - i used the search feature and didn't come up with anything so please help
i'm gathering quotes for the april fools humor edition of my school paper and i need some suggestions so far i have
"Sometimes people need time for learning. People always learning all though their life. Look at Mama Bird; she push Baby out of nest and that's it. If Baby Bird fly, good for Baby. If Baby Bird fall and crack head on ground and get eaten by Cat, then he need to do better next time." – Christmas Eve in Avenue Q
“Love and hate, they’re like two brothers who go on a date. Where one of them goes, other one follows, you’re inviting love, he’s also bringing sorrow.” – Christmas Eve in Avenue Q
“we can’t all come and go by bubble.” – Galinda in Wicked
“Whether the stone hits the pitcher or the pitcher hits the stone, it’s going to be bad for the pitcher.” - Sancho in Man of La Mancha
“slotted spoons don’t hold much soup….the slotted spoon can catch the potato” – Into the Woods
“I don't understand why you can't just teach us history instead of all this harping on the past” – Wicked
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN"T BE A QUEEN??...There must be a loop hole... this kind of thing always has a loop hole. Nobody should be kept from being a queen if she wants to be one. It's undemocratic." -Lucy in You're a Good Man Charlie Brown
“poor sounds permanent, broke can be fixed!” – TMM
“As the good book says, if you spit in the air, it lands in your face.” – Fiddler on the Roof
thanks in advance!!!
"Nothing is an accident, We are free to have it all, We are what we want to be, It's in ourselves to rise or fall!!" - "Fortune Favors the Brave" from Aida - the love that never died
#1re: funniest quotes from shows old and new
Posted: 3/6/05 at 6:58pm
taken out of context.. "Are you saying that coconuts are migratory?" * Spamalot
"We searched Broadway on and off, for singers with a cough, we had tryouts and auditions by the score, and to trip the light fantastic we picked dancers who were spastic! If anyone jeted we jeted them out the door!" * The Producers (lyrics, but still funny-ish)
And the other thing about the Phantom Lady was, Bert, she realized, in the city that never sleeps...
What did she realize, Kitten?
That all the songs she'd listened to, all the love songs, that they were only songs.
What's wrong with that?
Nothing, if you don't believe in them. But she did, you see. She believed in enchanted evenings, and she believed that a small cloud passed overhead and cried down on a flower bed, and she even believed there was breakfast to be had...
Where?
On Pluto. The mysterious, icy wastes of Pluto.
#2re: funniest quotes from shows old and new
Posted: 3/6/05 at 7:01pm"Never put your own money into a show. It's TABOO! Get it?" -The Producers
#3re: funniest quotes from shows old and new
Posted: 3/6/05 at 7:15pm
"Advice from a certain polo-playing playboy after the brawl at P.J. Clarke's last night. Learn the difference between men and pigs. Pigs don't turn into men when they drink." - JJ Hunsecker SWEET SMELL OF SUCCESS
"Pooky... it's no big deal! This happens to everyone. Men I mean. We're Lucky. Women I mean. We can fake it if we have to. Oh, not with you. Oh, I never have with you. With you it's like pow, pow, pow! Like the Fourth of July everytime Pooky! and if there's one thing I know for sure you can't let it get you, you should excuse the expression, down. You can't worry about it. You gotta put it out of your mind. The more you think about it the more you worry. The more you worry the more you think about it (yuck cherrie!). Think, worry. Worry, think. It becomes like this vicious cycle. And before you know it, you are impotent" - Norma Cassidy VICTOR/VICTORIA
#4re: funniest quotes from shows old and new
Posted: 3/6/05 at 7:18pm"Today I am a dog. Yesterday, I was a dog. Tomarrow, I probably will still be a dog. There's just so little hope of advancement" -YAGMCB
"It's a great feeling of power to be naked in front of people. We're happy to watch actual incredible graphic violence and gore, but as soon as somebody's naked it seems like the public goes a bit bananas about the whole thing."
#5re: funniest quotes from shows old and new
Posted: 3/6/05 at 8:00pmWait - you're putting Broadway quotes in your school newspaper? The percentage of students that will show any interest (or find any humour in most of the unfunny lines mentioned above,) is very little, unless you go to a performing arts high school....
"If you are going to do something, do it well. And leave something witchy."
-Charlie Manson
jonartdesigns
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/15/04
#6re: funniest quotes from shows old and new
Posted: 3/6/05 at 9:58pm
well lets just say that if jesus christ had lived in chicago today, and he had 5 thousand dollars...things woulda turned out differently- billy flynn, chicago
people believe all sorts of things that aren't true... we call it history- the wizard, wicked
"Grease," the fourth revival of the season, is the worst show in the history of theater and represents an unparalleled assault on Western civilization and its values. - Michael Reidel
#7re: funniest quotes from shows old and new
Posted: 3/6/05 at 10:06pm
"Jesus!" -Judas: Jesus
(Christ Superstar)
BSoBW2: I punched Sondheim in the face after I saw Wicked and said, "Why couldn't you write like that!?"
Sant
Broadway Legend Joined: 9/12/04
#8re: funniest quotes from shows old and new
Posted: 3/7/05 at 10:45am
Glinda: ...call it a cruel TWISTER of fate... (WICKED, after Dorothy's house has landed on Nessarose)
Glinda: Well, I am a public figure. People expect me to...
Elphaba (interrupting): Lie???
Glinda: BE ENCOURAGING!!! (WICKED)
A Merry Murderess: ... and then he ran into my knife. He ran into my knife ten times!! (CHICAGO)
#9re: funniest quotes from shows old and new
Posted: 3/7/05 at 10:58am"Its priest, have a little priest." "is it really good" "sir its too good at least then again they don't commit sins of the flesh so its pretty fresh." "awful lot of fat" "only where it sat" 'do you have poet or something like that" "no you see the trouble with poet is how do you know its deceeed, try the priest"! - Sweeney Todd
When someone blunders, we say that he makes a misstep. Is it then not clear that all the ills of mankind, all the tragic misfortunes that fill our history books, all the political blunders, all the failures of the great leaders have arisen merely from a lack of skill in dancing. - Moliere
#10re: funniest quotes from shows old and new
Posted: 3/7/05 at 11:15am
well if you're gonna go with priest you can't forget:
Sweeney: I prefer general.
Lovett: With or without his privates? With is extra!
Updated On: 3/7/05 at 11:15 AM
#11re: funniest quotes from shows old and new
Posted: 3/7/05 at 11:17am"When I think of all the people who I have come upon in my travels, I have to think of all the people who have come upon me." -Hedwig and the Angry Inch
#12re: funniest quotes from shows old and new
Posted: 3/7/05 at 1:47pm
Her name is Alberta
She lives in Vancouver
She cooks like my mother
And sucks like a hoover
"My Girlfriend Who Lives in Canada"-Avenue Q
"I'm the STAR!"--Daniel Reichard during Glory Daze sound check
#13re: funniest quotes from shows old and new
Posted: 3/7/05 at 9:29pm
Sally the Reefer Slut: How tall are you anyway?
Jimmy: Umm... five feet nine inches.
Sally the Reefer Slut: Well, let's forget about the five feet and concentrate on the nine inches.
REEFER MADNESS
Bwaybaby109
Broadway Star Joined: 6/28/03
#14re: funniest quotes from shows old and new
Posted: 3/7/05 at 9:40pm
Bloody Mary: "Stingy Bastard!!" South Pacific
"Happiness is finding a pencil, pizza with sausage, telling the time." YAGMCB
Aunt Eller: "The hussy! 'Ought to be ashamed of hersef!" Oklahoma
Cinderella's father: "The closer to the family, the closer to the wine!" Into the Woods
Winifred: "By the way Dauntless, I don't think I ever told you. My full name is Winifred the Woebegone. But Winifred's too formal. You can call me by my nickname!"
Dauntless- "Winnie?"
Winifred- "Fred!" frome Once Upon a Mattress
If I think of anymore I'll put some on here. I love those quotes!
"Have a child for warmth and a baker for bread and a prince for... whatever!"
Updated On: 3/7/05 at 09:40 PM
thirdrowcenter
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/16/03
#15re: funniest quotes from shows old and new
Posted: 3/7/05 at 11:35pmI fart in your general direction.....Spamalot
Cassie2
Swing Joined: 12/1/04
#16re: funniest quotes from shows old and new
Posted: 3/7/05 at 11:49pm
"Then I started breaking into peoples houses...Oh...I didn't steal anything...I just rearranged their furniture." -Bobby, A Chorus Line
"Feeling her boobs and...feeling her boobs. After about an hour or so she said: "Ooooo, don'tcha wanna feel anything ELSE?" And I suddenly thought to myself, "No...I don't."" -Greg, A Chorus Line
"Little brat that's what my sister was...a little brat...And that's why I shaved her head I'm glad I shaved her head" Judy, A Chorus Line
Sorry...I just had a 4 hour rehearsal, the lines are stuck in my head...
Edit: Ooooo! I just thought of this one...
"I was a boy scout once...and a brownie, until some brat got scared!" -Angel, RENT
But we didn't have any coffee filters...so I used all we had which was...toilet paper...and we didn't have any coffee grinds so I used..peanut butter..and I found that...all you get is scalding hot peanut...water... <---Why should you always memorize your monologues? Oh yes...there was that one Chorus Line audition...
Updated On: 3/7/05 at 11:49 PM
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