Matthew Passion- Page 3

[joeyinpa]

Posted: 4/14/07 at 9:18am

Not U. I was speaking to Miss Manderson. Offended??? He's the reason they hate us! HAH!

[I wrote it2]

Posted: 4/22/07 at 11:31pm

You Need A Bitch Slap (pre-recorded club song)

(spoken) "You know what you need? And I got a good mind to give it to you!"
YOU NEED A BITCH SLAP.
Christina!
(sound of slap)
Ow!
YOU NEED A BITCH SLAP.
Christina!
(sound of slap)
Ow!
I SAID, A BITCH SLAP.
Christina!
(sound of slap)
Ow!
THAT'S RIGHT, A BITCH SLAP.
Christina!
(sound of slap)
Ow!

NO MATTER WHAT I SAY
COME THE END OF THE DAY
YOU GETTIN' READY
TO GO OUT AND PLAY
YOU BEEN TO THE GYM
YOU GOT YOURSELF BUFF
IT'S HALF PAST MIDNITE
TIME TO STRUT YO’ STUFF
YOU SQUEEZE IN THEM JEANS
TWO SIZES TOO SMALL
YOU PUT A SLEEVELESS T-SHIRT ON
AN' THAT AIN'T ALL
ONCE YOU DECIDED
WHAT YOU GONNA WEAR,
TIME FOR SOME "PRODUCT"
IN YOUR HAIR.
YOU SHAKE YO’ BOOTY 'ROUND
YOU TRY AND SIT
BUT YOU KNOW IF YOU DO
THEM JEANS'LL SPLIT!
SO OUT YOU GO
A STUD INDEED!
WHEN YOU REMEMBER ONE LAST
THING YOU NEED AND THAT'S . . .

A BITCH SLAP (sound of slap)
A BITCH SLAP (sound of slap)
A BITCH SLAP
SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP
(sound of eight slaps follows)

(the barfly lip synchs:)
GET YOUR SORRY ASS IN HERE
THOUGH I’M NOT ONE TO INTERFERE
YOU’RE ‘BOUT TO GET MORE
THAN YOU BARGAINED FOR
AND JUST MIGHT BRING HOME A SOUVENIR.

(spoken) This is yo' las' chance to get yo’ sorry ass back inside and get a good night's sleep. By the time you get home, it's gonna be the next day. The sun's gonna be comin’ up, and you gon' be goin' down! I know, I know—y’all hopped up on testosterone and you lookin' for somebody to check yo' dipstick. Just remember what I tol' you..

YOU WALK INTO THE BAR
HEADS TURN AS YOU GO
AND NOW YOU ON THE HUNT
FOR THE PERFECT BEAU
NOTHIN' SPECIAL REQUIRED
TALL, DARK AND HANDSOME WILL DO
AND HE BETTER NOT TAKE
HIS EYES OFF O' YOU.
YOU BOTH START DANCIN'
HE'S BUILT LIKE A TANK
HE OFFERS YOU SOMETHIN'
GONNA TURN YO’ "CRANK"
YOU BOTH GETTIN' SWEATY'
THROWIN' CAUTION TO THE WIND
HOPIN' THAT THE MUSIC
'LL NEVER END
YOU TAKE YOUR FIRST BUMP
AND YOU WONDER WHEN
YOU AND "TINA" GONNA GET
TOGETHER AGAIN
SOON IT'S ALL CONSUMIN'
IT KNOWS HOW TO WOO YA
WHEN YOU REMEMBER SOMETHIN'
YOU GOT COMIN' TO YA, AN' THAT'S

A BITCH SLAP (sound of slap)
A BITCH SLAP (sound of slap)
A BITCH SLAP
SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP
(sound of eight slaps)

twelve bar dance break

(the BARFLY lipsynchs)

“OH, MY GOSH—WHAT IS THAT SH*T? (Oh, my God!)
ADD IT TO MY LIST OF GOTTA-GIT
HOW ‘BOUT A HUG,
Not you—THE DRUG!
IF I GET HOOKED, I CAN QUIT”

You in love, all right--but it ain't with him. It's with "ice.” Cinderella better drag her fine, fit, fanny off that dance floor and head home, or the only “glass” anything she gon’ see is what she’s stuffin’ up her nose.

THE MORAL OF THIS STORY
IS SIMPLE AND CLEAR
BUT I'M GONNA SAY IT
AN' YOU GONNA HEAR!
BE HAPPY, BE GAY!
GO OUT AND GET DRESSED UP
AND PARTY ‘TIL YOU DROP
BUT DONTCHA GET MESSED UP.

Or you know what you gon' get?

"Umm . . . a weekend at Fire Island, all expenses paid?"

I don't think so.

"An all-night romp in The Brambles?"

Wrong again, horny toad.

"A lifetime membership to a Chelsea Gym?"

Not even close! You gon' get five fingers and a whole lotta attitude. You gon' get
A BITCH SLAP (sound of slap)
A BITCH SLAP (sound of slap)
A BITCH SLAP
SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP
(sound of eight slaps; disco beat volume fades down to much softer for rest of scene)

[Phantom2]

Posted: 4/23/07 at 12:10am

Everytime I hear this song I think of Craig Ramsay.

[manderson05]

Posted: 4/23/07 at 2:43am

joeyinpa:

two things: 1. my ticket wasn't free - i paid. 2. i am not a self-hating homosexual that isn't getting laid - you on the other hand I am not so sure about. i think that these themes need to be discussed. however, maybe they could be discussed appropriately . that seems like a really cool idea --- interesting discussing gay themes with some sort work that is not non-camp non-trasshy/tacky/typical crap.

[BwayBaby18]

Posted: 4/23/07 at 3:12am

Ok, I am a gay man and i was rather intrested in seeing this to see if it worked.

But i want to respond to people bitch about the advertising and how they are all pretty guys and what standard that sets. Look at every other musical on broadway. With the exception of Hairspray they are all about pretty thin girls falling in love with Mr. Right. Hell Legally Blonde even pushes it even farther but making her blonde and smart. I think you people forget that there is set stereotypes that will never be broken.

[Jazzysuite82]

Posted: 4/23/07 at 9:47am

That doesn't make sense. No one's talking about the theme of the show the ads are dipicting. I don't see ANY Broadway show that looks like that. Sorry it just doesn't. I don't see Elle in a thin bikini laying on a bed of law books. Even Naked Boys Singing is more tasteful. I don't think that's a good thing to say there are stereotypes that will never change. It implies that we should just deal with it. It's like saying "Racism and homophobia will always be experienced somewhere so why mention it?" How about breaking stereotypes, rising to something better.

I was actually really intrigued by the concept of this show in spite of the advertising (which did initially grab my attention). Then I went to the website, read things there and saw that ALL of the pictures of the production were the same. I was kind of aprehensive at that point. Then I heard "You Need a Bitch Slap". That was the end of it. I don't really NEED to see the show to know I probably won't like it. Sometimes the internet can hurt a show's ad compaign. I didn't realize it was a showcase though. God bless the equity card.