Advice needed

Hi Jacob,

Let's start at the beginning here.

May I ask, ARE you sexual inclinations headed in that direction?

(Believe, NO JUDGMENT AT ALL intended!) :)

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yeah honey, I have no clue what to say to help w/o knowing if you are infact gay.

And to be fair to your mom, you spend hours a day on a musical theatre website and your icon here is Douglas Sills as The Scarlet Pimpernel, ruffled shirt and all ...... just that little bit of information alone is gonna set off most people's gaydars......

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you just need to tell her straight out either way. You must confront this. My parents we controling me to no extent and i just told them i needed some space and why. Tell them thye wont always be there to watch you and it would be better for me to start being on your own a bit so when you are "bad" things dont happen. The most sheltered kids are the ones who rebell the most. Just tell her the truth. It may hurt, but it would be better for her to know then her wondering. Believe me it works.

jacob, I can identify with you. I spent most of my childhood and teen years transmitting all sorts of signals that would imply my homosexuality. so there was definitely a good stretch of time where the parents suspected I was gay. it was a lesser extent than your situation sounds like, because they wouldn't have cared if I was and they really didn't change their behavior too much or do anything invasive. But I could tell what my mom was thinking every time I brought home a sailor to make out with (kidding about that part).

anyway, I can't give specific advice as I don't know how cool your mom is. but what worked for me was to just say "Ma, I know what you're thinking, but believe me. If I was gay, you'd know, the neighbors would know, there'd be no question. And if you just asked me, I'd tell you yes or no." or something to that affect.

Don't be evasive if you want to be convincing. If you look as if you're trying to hide anything, of course that's going to increase suspicion. Deal with it casually, maybe let her find your nasty porn "by accident". I showed my ma my current porn collection at one point, which seemed to set her mind at ease. If you have no filthy porn, then I don't know how else problems are solved in your world. "Think of this as masculine toast, and masculine butter,,,"

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Updated On: 11/2/04 at 05:32 PM

Not always, beaverhausen.

If a young person feels that their safety or well-being may be in danger should they come out to a parent, it's best not to do so.

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... But perhaps is Jacob is not sure himself...

Jacob, I honestly think we could be of more help if you would post back and give us a clearer picture as to what exactly is going on.

Right now all of us are doing is making ASSUMPTIONS--which usually don't lead to thoughtful and practical advice.

So please, Jacob, post and tell us a little more so we can give you proper advice.

Do you need help in discovering your true sexuality?

Do you know what it is, but are uncertain as to how let your Mom know?

Are you a little ashamed of your sexual inclinations?


PLEASE post and we'll do our best to help! :)

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this is like the simpsons..."dad thinks i'm gay?"

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Etoile has a great point. Your mother could easily just be concerned for your safety. When you spend a lot of time on a discussion board with older members, that can put some adults off. They don't know what kind of people we are. Anyone can sign up here. She's probably just worried about you.

he's not asking us to analyze his sexuality for him. he's asking how to get his mom off of his back. it doesn't matter what orientation he winds up with or what stage of discovery he might be at, he KNOWS that mama needs to back off. seriously, jacob, if you're not gonna do the porn thing or the token/trophy girlfriend, just be direct with mom. if you can tell her seriously that you know she's supicious and that she has nothing to worry about, she ought to be cool with that. if that doesn't work, then she needs to work on the respect factor.

it's not about suppression or denial, it's about the convenience and comfort of laissez-faire parenting.

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it's better she doesn't know what kind of people we are on the OT board. If she really knew what goes on here, well it'd be off to military school for all of us.

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Not to me. I love Doug Sills. I met him at LSOH and I was blown away.

To the topic at hand. If your mother doesn't believe you, she is probably just concernedor paranoid. You could look on the broght side and see that she cares and that she has noticed your actions. I'm not sure if that helps... at all.

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