Advice needed

[jacobtsf]

Posted: 11/2/04 at 5:07pm

I need a way to confront my mother about something.
Everytime I am on this site or watching T.V. she is monitoring what I say or do to make sure I am not gay. I know it might sound rediculous but I think she is seriously worried about it. She is not 100% homophobic, she does have gay friends ect. but whenever I bring up gay rights she questions me.
I first got this hint 4 years ago. After my first big audition she told me to be carefull because there were many who would be gay.
ADVICE NEEDED!

[Mary_Ethel]

Posted: 11/2/04 at 5:09pm

Hi Jacob,

Let's start at the beginning here.

May I ask, ARE you sexual inclinations headed in that direction?

(Believe, NO JUDGMENT AT ALL intended!) :)

[robbiej]

Posted: 11/2/04 at 5:10pm

oh honey.

part of me wants to give you a hug and the other part wants to say something that could be construed rude.

i'll go with the rude (though that is NOT how i mean it to be).

honey...sweetie...all the girls want you as 'friends', you want to bring up 'gay rights' to your mom and that very same mom is concerned that you might be gay.

have you ever thought that you may indeed be gay?

i'm asking this as a very supportive gay human being who only wants what's best for the younger generation.

[shesings]

Posted: 11/2/04 at 5:12pm

yeah honey, I have no clue what to say to help w/o knowing if you are infact gay.

[Dollypop]

Posted: 11/2/04 at 5:14pm

I'm more than willing to help you, but I really have to know if you are gay or not. There are different responses I'd give to a gay fella and a straight one.

[MargoChanning]

Posted: 11/2/04 at 5:21pm

And to be fair to your mom, you spend hours a day on a musical theatre website and your icon here is Douglas Sills as The Scarlet Pimpernel, ruffled shirt and all ...... just that little bit of information alone is gonna set off most people's gaydars......

[Mythus]

Posted: 11/2/04 at 5:27pm

Beaverhausen, I'm assuming two of the different responses could be "Mom, I know you're concerned, but I'm really not gay" and "Mom, I'm gay". That's why it would help to know ...her? sexuality. Updated On: 11/2/04 at 05:27 PM

[broadwaybound3]

Posted: 11/2/04 at 5:28pm

you just need to tell her straight out either way. You must confront this. My parents we controling me to no extent and i just told them i needed some space and why. Tell them thye wont always be there to watch you and it would be better for me to start being on your own a bit so when you are "bad" things dont happen. The most sheltered kids are the ones who rebell the most. Just tell her the truth. It may hurt, but it would be better for her to know then her wondering. Believe me it works.

[Matt_G]

Posted: 11/2/04 at 5:30pm

Just say what I said. I said -

"Mom. I like the pole and not the hole. The Baby Jesus made me this way and I'm not changing for you or for anyone so let's put that knife down and just chill out."

[Broadway Matt]

Posted: 11/2/04 at 5:32pm

jacob, I can identify with you. I spent most of my childhood and teen years transmitting all sorts of signals that would imply my homosexuality. so there was definitely a good stretch of time where the parents suspected I was gay. it was a lesser extent than your situation sounds like, because they wouldn't have cared if I was and they really didn't change their behavior too much or do anything invasive. But I could tell what my mom was thinking every time I brought home a sailor to make out with (kidding about that part).

anyway, I can't give specific advice as I don't know how cool your mom is. but what worked for me was to just say "Ma, I know what you're thinking, but believe me. If I was gay, you'd know, the neighbors would know, there'd be no question. And if you just asked me, I'd tell you yes or no." or something to that affect.

Don't be evasive if you want to be convincing. If you look as if you're trying to hide anything, of course that's going to increase suspicion. Deal with it casually, maybe let her find your nasty porn "by accident". I showed my ma my current porn collection at one point, which seemed to set her mind at ease. If you have no filthy porn, then I don't know how else problems are solved in your world. "Think of this as masculine toast, and masculine butter,,,"

Updated On: 11/2/04 at 05:32 PM

[zoran912]

Posted: 11/2/04 at 5:37pm

If you are gay, that's fine.

If you are straight, that's fine too.

Either way, Momma gotta know what's goin' on.

Listen to "911, Emergency!" from BARE.

[robbiej]

Posted: 11/2/04 at 5:38pm

Not always, beaverhausen.

If a young person feels that their safety or well-being may be in danger should they come out to a parent, it's best not to do so.

[SueleenGay]

Posted: 11/2/04 at 5:40pm

If you are straight or gay you should just ask your Mom, "Would it matter either way? Why are you sooooo interested? Would you love me less if I AM gay?" The problem is hers not yours. Just be yourself and be honest. If you are confused it will take time to figure it out, but you will know in your heart what the truth is. By the way, how old are you, if you don't mind me asking?

[Mary_Ethel]

Posted: 11/2/04 at 5:40pm

... But perhaps is Jacob is not sure himself...

Jacob, I honestly think we could be of more help if you would post back and give us a clearer picture as to what exactly is going on.

Right now all of us are doing is making ASSUMPTIONS--which usually don't lead to thoughtful and practical advice.

So please, Jacob, post and tell us a little more so we can give you proper advice.

Do you need help in discovering your true sexuality?

Do you know what it is, but are uncertain as to how let your Mom know?

Are you a little ashamed of your sexual inclinations?


PLEASE post and we'll do our best to help! :)

[etoile]

Posted: 11/2/04 at 5:43pm

Did your mother state that a homophobic concern was the reason she was overseeing your online activity? Or are you assuming that's the reason? Perhaps she's concerned about your safety and welfare and it's not a gay issue at all. Preditors and evil doers lurk everywhere. I find it refreshing to know there is SOME parental supervision of some youngsters on this board.

[papalovesmambo]

Posted: 11/2/04 at 5:43pm

this is like the simpsons..."dad thinks i'm gay?"

[CATSNYrevival]

Posted: 11/2/04 at 5:45pm

Why is it really any of her business? You should just walk right up to her tell her you want to have a very serious discussion and then say "Mom, are you straight?"

[zoran912]

Posted: 11/2/04 at 5:45pm

Etoile has a great point. Your mother could easily just be concerned for your safety. When you spend a lot of time on a discussion board with older members, that can put some adults off. They don't know what kind of people we are. Anyone can sign up here. She's probably just worried about you.

[Moondrops]

Posted: 11/2/04 at 5:46pm

My advice to you is to carry on being yourself regardless,and your worries will cease. For to be ourselves is all we can be. Stop worrying about the thoughts of others, let them think what they wish - it is of no concern to you if you are who you are. Updated On: 11/2/04 at 05:46 PM

[Broadway Matt]

Posted: 11/2/04 at 5:46pm

he's not asking us to analyze his sexuality for him. he's asking how to get his mom off of his back. it doesn't matter what orientation he winds up with or what stage of discovery he might be at, he KNOWS that mama needs to back off. seriously, jacob, if you're not gonna do the porn thing or the token/trophy girlfriend, just be direct with mom. if you can tell her seriously that you know she's supicious and that she has nothing to worry about, she ought to be cool with that. if that doesn't work, then she needs to work on the respect factor.

it's not about suppression or denial, it's about the convenience and comfort of laissez-faire parenting.

[CATSNYrevival]

Posted: 11/2/04 at 5:49pm

Mmmm... I love you Zoran.

[Broadway Matt]

Posted: 11/2/04 at 5:53pm

it's better she doesn't know what kind of people we are on the OT board. If she really knew what goes on here, well it'd be off to military school for all of us.

[jacobtsf]

Posted: 11/2/04 at 6:15pm

Sorry guys I was eating dinner. I am straight and the girls at my school know this. I have tried the "Mom would there be a difference" technique and it has not worked.

On a side note-I was introduced to musical theatre through a straight actor friend
Second side note-I am a fan of Douglas Sills and the Scarlet Pimpernel is there something wrong with that.

[lovettespies]

Posted: 11/2/04 at 6:22pm

Not to me. I love Doug Sills. I met him at LSOH and I was blown away.

To the topic at hand. If your mother doesn't believe you, she is probably just concernedor paranoid. You could look on the broght side and see that she cares and that she has noticed your actions. I'm not sure if that helps... at all.

[jacobtsf]

Posted: 11/2/04 at 6:24pm

I realize she is concerned and just want alternate ways to communicate with her.

Lovettspies-I went to LSOH just to see him and he was out (but Darren Ritchie was fantastic)