Can We Put People Back in the Closet?- Page 2

[JerseyGirl2]

Posted: 12/6/05 at 9:54pm

I am technically bisexual, so I suppose at the point in my life I am choosing to be gay. I know many men who have tried too hard to fight who they truly are for far too long. It is far fromm a choice for everyone.

[kjklo]

Posted: 12/6/05 at 9:59pm

Was I really being "holier than thou"? Sorry, I didn't mean to be. I was actually trying to say something along the lines of what you said in your post about how being born a certain way shouldn't be a factor in one's civil rights.

[bwaysinger]

Posted: 12/6/05 at 9:59pm

*slaps Jerby a high five*
Preach, it sistah!

[harris007]

Posted: 12/6/05 at 10:02pm

what your and jerby are sisters , what?

[bwaysinger]

Posted: 12/6/05 at 10:05pm

in gay land, Harris, yes we is!
Sisters who can't help that we love one another but CHOOSE to make out!

[kjklo]

Posted: 12/6/05 at 10:08pm

Absolutely!

[harris007]

Posted: 12/6/05 at 10:10pm

lol is still confused

[RobbO]

Posted: 12/6/05 at 10:23pm

swoopes specifically says in an interview, "i wasn't born gay, it is a choice."

i think that is a hurtful comment to the gay movement as a whole. as far as anne heche is concerned, she didn't say she was bisexual. she said she was a lesbian then she said she was not. it's very different. again, it makes it seem like a choice and, in the case of a celebrity especially, is hurtful to gays as a whole.

[kjklo]

Posted: 12/6/05 at 10:47pm

There are African-Americans who have married outside their race and had that described as hurtful to the Black cause. There are Jewish writers, like Philip Roth, who have had their writings attacked as self-hating and as a betrayal of the Jewish community. I understand where those feelings come from, but I'm not in great sympathy with that way of thinking. It tends to deny the individuality of people who happen to be Black, Jewish, Gay, whatever, and to lay on a (probably unwelcome) burden of being instead a representative of their minority group (whether they want to be or not). I hesitate to use this term because it might be offensive--and I've already apparently been offensive enough--but it's always struck me as a kind of "ghetto mentality," and I mean that in the broadest sense. I will be extremely grateful when we've reached the point where that kind of defensiveness is superfluous.

[nomdeplume]

Posted: 12/6/05 at 10:56pm

You better get a big closet.

[BlueWizard]

Posted: 12/7/05 at 12:35am

I do think we're taking Swoopes' commentsout of context. She mentioned that she had loved her husband, but was now in love with a woman; I think her statement was to not disavow the relationship she had with her husband.

I'm still glad she's on our side and continues as a role model for kids.

[justthefacts2]

Posted: 12/7/05 at 1:09am

What is the position of Judaism on this issue? I've never been quite sure.

[DG]

Posted: 12/7/05 at 1:24am

"I do think we're taking Swoopes' commentsout of context. She mentioned that she had loved her husband, but was now in love with a woman; I think her statement was to not disavow the relationship she had with her husband.

I'm still glad she's on our side and continues as a role model for kids."

I took her statement as basically saying she was 'choosing' not to ignore the feelings she realized she was having for her friend/eventual partner.

And I agree with you, Blue.

[jrb_actor]

Posted: 12/7/05 at 2:15am

So, then Swoopes is bisexual. The fact that so many people won't acknowledge this common orientation is I think the problem to begin with in all of these situations.

[RobbO]

Posted: 12/7/05 at 10:29am

but no one is labeling her a bisexual except for all of you, not even her. she says she is a lesbian and that she was not born that way but chooses to be gay.

how can one interpret that any other way than how she said it?

[shameless]

Posted: 12/7/05 at 10:32am

Did she say she's no longer attracted to men?

[RobbO]

Posted: 12/7/05 at 10:37am

to my knowledge, she doesn't talk about her attraction to men in the interviews i've read. i could be wrong but i never am.

[shameless]

Posted: 12/7/05 at 10:45am

You know I never doubt you.

[RobbO]

Posted: 12/7/05 at 10:48am

i like that about you.

[shameless]

Posted: 12/7/05 at 10:54am

But, I do think everyone is too obsessed with labels.

For instance, I've never been with a woman, but I don't put it out of the realm of possibility. So, does that make me bi-sexual, or is it only if I were to do the deed? And why does it matter?

[RobbO]

Posted: 12/7/05 at 10:59am

to me it's not the label that matters and, no, acting on your desires (there's probably a better word) does not make you one way or another. i was gay for a long, long, long time before i became sexual.

my point here, with this "celebrity" is that a comment that she was not born gay but chooses to be gay is, in my opinion, detrimental.

i'm not sure where bisexuality enters in, since she never claimed to be bi.

[shameless]

Posted: 12/7/05 at 11:03am

I gotcha. To me, it didn't seem like such a big deal, but I guess it wouldn't. And I DO understand where you're coming from.

[robbiej]

Posted: 12/7/05 at 11:06am

WHO CARES?????????

I'm with kjklo. If we really are, as Larry Kramer claims, better, then how can we not allow for all different ways in which we come to our truth? I'm not sure why we have to label her bisexual when she clearly is labeling herself as a lesbian...and perhaps her point is that she is making the choice to label herself that for political reasons. Yes...she may be attracted to men (or not), but she chooses to label herself as a lesbian for other reasons than just whom she beds...or whom she falls in love with. Homosexuality is who you are drawn to sexually/emotionally. Gay/Lesbian is something else. It comes with a lot of other baggage, political, social AND sexual.

Do I believe that for some people, being gay in a choice? Yes. And I don't have a problem with that. Look at it this way: sexual/emotional attraction is innate...but choosing to live openly and to align yourself with an established minority is a choice...it may not feel like a choice for some of us, but it really is. And it's an empowering choice that should be respected.

[eslgr8]

Posted: 12/7/05 at 11:12am

I believe that there are a number of lesbians who do feel that for them, being in a gay relationship a choice, whether for political or feminist reasons, or because they are basically bisexual and are "choosing" to act on their gay impulses. It's a lot different for gay men, I think. In any case, I truly don't understand the negativity of your post. A basketball superstar comes out and you quibble about one quote she made? I believe that this thread was uncalled for.

[RobbO]

Posted: 12/7/05 at 11:13am

unfortunately, robbie, lots of people care and the anti-gay groups who are not as enlightened will latch on to this statement.

so this kind of coming out does not help the community, so i say go back in the closet until you've sorted things out.