Can you diagram this sentence?

Posted: 10/18/13 at 5:32pm

"Nine-time Grammy Award winner Sheryl Crow offers an update on her newest musical endeavor, penning the score to a Broadway-bound stage musical adaptation of the '80s hit DINER, while appearing in promotion of her new album FEELS LIKE HOME - and it could be arriving on the Great White Way very soon indeed, according to Crow."

[CarlosAlberto]

Posted: 10/19/13 at 8:55am

From reading it I understood the following: Sheryl Crow mentioned both the musical DINER and her new album on her promotional tour and that the musical DINER could be arriving on the Great White Way very soon.

But - - - it could be misconstrued that her new album could be arriving on the Great White Way very soon because of the way it's worded.

^_^



Updated On: 10/19/13 at 08:55 AM

[Addison D.]

Posted: 10/19/13 at 12:37pm

I understand it to say that Sheryl Crow appeared in a promotion for her new album "Feels Like Home". In the course of the appearance, she said that she had written the score for a new musical adaptation of the 1980's film 'Diner'. She suggested that 'Diner--the Musical' may be coming to Broadway soon.

She also reminded everyone that she had won 9 Grammy awards.

Posted: 10/19/13 at 12:49pm

My third grade teacher hammered these concepts: never use one sentence to do the job of two or three. Short and to the point! Fewer dependent clauses the better! So I'd say

"Nine-time Grammy winner Sheryl Crow has written the score for a stage adaption of the movie Diner and says it could be arriving on Broadway "soon." Crow made this announcement while promoting her new album FEELS LIKE HOME."

36 words, no commas vs 52 words, two commas. Of course if I were ;paid BY the word I might prefer that longer mishmash.

[Addison D.]

Posted: 10/19/13 at 1:04pm

The shortcomings of the original sentence are not limited to the number of words, though. Paid by the word? Great. Want to use as many as possible? Mazel Tov; your mother must be very proud. The words should communicate something to the reader without the aid of a scratch pad and a pen. That "sentence' is nearly incomprehensible.

Posted: 10/19/13 at 6:17pm

He strikes again!

GLEE co-creator and TV mastermind Ryan Murphy has utilized social media once again to share the first news of a particularly exciting new episode entry in the hit musical dramedy series, especially apt as we now enter the holiday season - an unaired Christmas special!

I am channeling my sophomore journalism teacher: "TV mastermind": He's super-intelligent? Also, editorializing. "hit" Not anymore, really. "dramedy" non recognised derogatory term, that is not found in any English dictionary."especially apt" a response or result that is likely, expected or anticipated- is that really what you intended?

Posted: 10/19/13 at 6:18pm

Also "Utilized"? is that the best word?

[Phyllis Rogers Stone]

Posted: 10/19/13 at 6:22pm

People misusing "utilize" annoys me almost as much as people misusing "myself." And "addicting."

[Addison D.]

Posted: 10/19/13 at 6:27pm

What is an "episode entry"? "Apt" is meaningless in the context of the larger "sentence".

And what is "particularly exciting" about an unaired Christmas special? If noone will ever see it, why are we excited? Or is the author trying--without success--to inform us that "Glee" WILL be airing a never-before-seen Christmas special?

If that's the case, then they should SAY so...

[Jordan Catalano]

Posted: 10/19/13 at 6:28pm

Phyllis, I literally just finished utilizing myself. It's addicting.

[Phyllis Rogers Stone]

Posted: 10/19/13 at 7:07pm

You used "myself" correctly.

Posted: 10/19/13 at 8:35pm

My debate teacher would say that people who use a three syllable word when one will do are showing their intellectual weakness.

[javero]

Posted: 10/20/13 at 9:50am

Joe,

Allow me to share a jewel from a book I'm reading on the topic of symbolic logic from one of the science's luminaries.

"We thus have the beginning of a process which can never be brought to an end, a process which, figuratively speaking, may be characterized as an INFINITE REGRESS--a regressus in infinitum. The situation is quite analogous as far as the justification of the asserted statements of the science is concerned; for, in order to establish the validity of a statement, it is necessary to refer back to other statements, and (if no vicious circle is to occur) this leads again to an infinite regress."

One of the reasons that folks who dabble in science and mathematics rely so heavily on "symbols" and a rigid grammar for the juxtaposition of those symbols is that sometimes prose gets in the way of the underlying message. The author responsible for the gibberish cited above is regarded as one of the greatest logicians in history. But, even he rambles on the minute he attempts to lay out his thoughts in a natural language. I admire your ability to keep it pithy.

Posted: 10/20/13 at 10:16am

That is truly a word salad. One thing I credit Ayn Rand for is my intolerance for impenetrable prose. I always recall a character saying "Nothing is 'deep' if I can see the bottom of it." Ugh.

[JohnBoy2]

Posted: 10/22/13 at 10:43am

People misusing "utilize" annoys me almost as much as people misusing "myself." And "addicting."

Dear lord, the epidemic use of "myself" is simply out of control. The word "me" has all but disappeared. I've completely given up any hope of ever seeing or hearing the word, "healthful", again. People are healthy, food is healthful. Oh, there are too many to even mention.

[PalJoey]

Posted: 10/22/13 at 12:38pm

My debate teacher would say that people who use a three syllable word when one will do are showing their intellectual weakness.

Or as Frank Loesser used to say, "Never use a two-bit word when a nickle word'll do."

[trentsketch]

Posted: 10/22/13 at 1:28pm

What was originally written was basically, "9-time Grammy winner Sheryl Crow composed the musical Diner. Her new album, Feels Like Home, could be arriving on the Great White Way very soon."

I'm a big fan of long, meandering sentences. It's my inner Modernist fighting to get out. However, you better believe I go over every super long sentence I write for copy to make sure it actually says what I want it to say.

The appropriate one sentence version of the facts would be something like this:

"While promoting her new album Feels Like Home, 9-time Grammy Award winner Sheryl Crowe suggested that her new musical Diner could be heading for the Great White Way very soon."

I personally wouldn't even mention the Grammy clout in that sentence. I would also call it Broadway in a sincere new post unless she, herself, used the phrase "Great White Way." Then I would put it in quotes to make it clear who said it.r

My speech and debate coaches said if you have a wide vocabulary, use it. My music/theater students learn a lot about vocabulary, grammar, and usage when they're done rehearsing for a new show with me. For straight forward ad copy or press releases, smaller is better. For more open writing, it's the best word for the job. Why dumb down the point with a simple word that doesn't quite fit when you can use a larger word that makes the point perfectly?

Posted: 10/22/13 at 1:38pm

Since we're discussing word that bug us: Artisan/Artisanal. Doritos are not made by an artisan. I don't think Artisanal is a word, anyway.

Find another way to describe those hamburgers.