Cynthia Nixon Chose To Be Gay — Page 3

Dented, I was an adult in 1980. I remember the terror as if it were yesterday. This doesn't change the fact that "Who would choose this?" is essentially a homophobic argument.

This is completely separate from the discussion of choosing sexuality or not. Just because most of us assume we were born this way, we can not presume that our experience, or the experience of gay men who lived through the worst of the plague years, is universal.

It's actually funny watching people re-draw the lines of Nixon's arguments into something that they would find acceptable. Like deciding for her where she lands on the Kinsey scale!

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I stopped being gay for 2 hours when I watched Angelina Jolie in GIA.

That was the gayest 2 hours of my entire life, Jordan. Well, that and the 15 or 20 sets of 2 hours that accompanied every time I have watched it since.

There were years where I would have used the, "I would never choose this," argument. In hindsight, I would choose this in a heartbeat. If I had just accepted things from an earlier point, I think it would have been easier. I didn't know happiness until I met my wife and just decided to live honestly. I never felt comfortable in my own skin until I was able to do that. I used to think, "I hope my children aren't gay, for their sake." I didn't want them to have to deal with the crap I dealt with. Now that I live in Sweden, my attitude is not the same. Here, I don't worry about how they will be treated. It's very refreshing. With age and acceptance comes wisdom, I guess.

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Namo, I think I understand what you are saying and I will never win the point because I haven't lived your experience. But let me ask this: Is it possible for someone who is straight to participate is a discussion like this and have their remarks carry any weight or be considered a reasonable point of view without being considered a homophobe?

No one has called you a homophobe or that you can't have reasonable points of view because you're straight. Namo said that this specific mode of questioning -- the "Who would choose this?" questioning -- is inherently homophobic, whether or not the person intends it to be so or actually has homophobic feelings themselves. Because when you couch sexuality in those terms, you are casting homosexuality in inherently negative terms. When you say that no one would choose to be a homosexual because of the cultural consequences, you allow sexual identity to be based on the idea of fear instead of personal acceptance of oneself and a celebration of personal identity. The point isn't whether or not people chose -- the point is that choosing to be homosexual would not be a negative, irrational thing to do.

dented, I also didn't think you personally were homophobic, either. I hope you'll continue to stay in this discussion because I do believe that it's just as important for heterosexuals to contribute to the discussion, especially those heterosexuals I consider to be on the right side of things, like you clearly are.

I came out as a teenager in the early 90s and the "why would I choose this?" notion was pretty big in my circles. I remember it coming up in my own coming out discussion with my mother. I think when I was 17 or so I DO think I wouldn't have chosen it, but with the benefit of two more decades, I know unequivocally that I wouldn't want the opportunity to be straight at any cost.

The point being, I can see why some people still espouse that old saw about why would anyone choose it, but because I've been on both sides of it, I just really want to help others evolve. Even though my intentions are a lot less pretentious then THAT just sounded. :)

I think I said upthread how a lot of my opinions on all things gay were shaped by discussions on this board. That's true, but it's also true that I think I've learned a lot from Namo specifically. Even when I don't agree with him, he's always got invaluable insight on what it means - or maybe what it DOESN'T mean - to be gay.

Really fantastic article. Thanks for posting, Robbie.

http://www.advocate.com/News/Daily_News/2012/01/30/Cynthia_Nixon_Being_Bisexual_Is_Not_a_Choice/

She clarified her statements in the Advocate.

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Me too. But hell hath no fury like a large group who thinks there can only be ONE MESSAGE!!

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OK, I am late to the thread, and have also be reluctant to chime in. But Dented, I used the same stilted argument years ago to explain to my mom how my best friend's homosexuality could not be a choice because of the incredible societal pressures faced not to be gay. As a straight person, I just could not see how anyone would choose that path unless there was not in fact a choice.

I think I understand Namo's point about the argument being homophobic, even though the person raising it may not be. It actually kind of reminds me of the issue of standardized test scores (bear with me) - where people were thought to be less intelligent because they could not adapt to the bias in the testing process. It is not the test subjects that were problematic - it was the test - using standards and references that showed an inherent bias to one cultural identity.

The reference point that "who would choose this" assumes that being gay is not normal, is inherently biased because it defines normal as being straight. It creates an assumption that being gay is abnormal, when in truth, there is no normal to begin with, and therefore no abnormal. It is framing the whole discussion in a way that already puts gays on the outside because the behavior is labeled/classified as something other than acceptable, when in fact it is perfectly normal for the individual. Cultural bias is dictating the lens through which we are judging others.

As a straight kid, watching gay friends go through puberty and mature, I do remember thinking that they must really be sure they are gay, that taking on your family, your church and sometimes your friends is not something anyone would choose. But, that whole view is premised upon seeing the straight experience as "normal" - for everyone - which it is not. Normal is whatever works for each individual person.

Sorry if I was a bit redundant, it just got me thinking about the assumptions we make, and how much bias is built into many of the things we do and take for granted. Unless I made a left turn at standardized tests. If so, then just ignore the whole thing!

Updated On: 1/31/12 at 02:14 AM

Then maybe we'll go with "normative" over "normal," henrike!

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