Cynthia Nixon Chose To Be Gay — Page 2

What Robbie said is about right, and I think it has a lot to do with a mixture of semantics and intent. I guess when I think of "outing" I think of it as "outing someone for being a hypocrite" than "outing someone as gay." It doesn't matter what their self-identification is if they are advocating a curtail of rights or any other sort of discrimination against gay people (and lesbians, and bis, trans, etc. In a discussion about semantics I think it's important to note that when I say "gay" here I'm using a big umbrella here).

I guess one could argue that they think Cynthia Nixon is being destructive to the gay community, and some of the comments here and others I've read on various sites tend to suggest that certain segments of people DO think what she's said is harmful. There are plenty of gay men who think that openly promiscuous or openly flaming or any number of other behaviors are harmful to the greater cause, and I disagree with that as well. There are those gays that think that being pro same-sex marriage is harmful. I disagree with them as well.

We (everyone who identifies as gay, lesbian, bi, etc and our allies) are all never going to agree on every single thing. And personally, I think that believing (or at least espousing) that if we don't stop giving homophobes that sort of fuel for the fire then we're never going anymore is harmful.

But I see a big difference between someone saying, "I don't buy that Marcus Bachmann is straight" and saying "I think Cynthia Nixon is bi." And maybe I'm a hypocrite because I'm believing one person's truth over an other, but I don't see it that way. I'm sure anyone who does will be happy to explain to me why I'm being a hypocrite. :)

I'm kidding, but I'm sure to some it does seem like I'm splitting hairs, but that's the way I see it. And I'm happy to keep discussing it, because I think this is an important discussion to have.

I guess, at the end of the day, we're all just projecting our own agendas on to these situations, but it just seems from my perspective that a lot of people are giving Cynthia Nixon undue sh*t.

For the record, I don't believe that I chose to be gay. But the point I think that needs to be taken from this - as others have said before and more eloquently than me - it doesn't matter why - it doesn't make it less okay to be if the reasons why people become gay are varied, and if some people who are gay made a conscious choice to do so. Do I think that this may give fuel to anti-gay fire? Possibly. But I'm not allowing the anti-gay people to frame this debate. At least not anymore.

Updated On: 1/27/12 at 03:42 PM

I was kinda see where she got the speech thing from, but the explanation no. I thought she was saying she had tried to hide her sexuality before by being with men, or prior to discovering she preffered women. Then when she found out she stayed with women. Don't get her explanation though.

It wasn't a public revelation. She's been with her partner (wife? Are they legally married?) for years and has talked about it on record before. She wasn't revealing anything. She was making a speech.

I don't usually chime in on these topics because I'm straight and I don't feel like I should comment but I don't really see what she said as wrong because she is talking about herself and herself only. In the full context of her quote she actually says "And for me, it is a choice. I understand that for many people it’s not, but for me it’s a choice, and you don’t get to define my gayness for me.”

Right there she is saying that she understands it's not a choice for a lot of people but for her it is.

There is absolutely nothing -- zero, zip, nada -- that any of us can say, ever, that won't fuel the prejudice of some bigot somewhere, be he Christian Right or what have you.

We can all be the best little girls and boys in the world, with sex lives determined by forces beyond our control, we can argue "But there's nothing we can do it about it!" til we're blue in the face, and still nothing will appease them.

You see the appeasement tactic tried constantly by the Human Rights Campaign (Fund), and really, that's gotten them nowhere.

At this point, Cynthia Nixon should be able to speak her truth in a speech because even if she came out and did a full scale choreographed "Born This Way," it doesn't mean diddly to the "No she's not, she can pray it away," squad.

It's time we stop even taking their bs into consideration and talk like grown ups. They're gonna use it all against us anyway.

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I like goats, thanks very much.

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No, that was Mercedes Ruehl.

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I will not presume to judge what Ms. Nixon said. I can only state what I know totally and unequivocally about myself. My being gay was NOT a choice. It was NEVER a choice. NEVER EVER EVER. There was never any attraction to women, since my earliest memory. My sexuality is not "fluid" at all. It has never been "fluid". I realize others may have different stories. This is just mine. But i think the moment you add the word "choice" to any discussion about homosexuality, you give those idiotic, evil "conversion" proponents a sense of hope and purpose, and you also confuse many young people who struggle with accepting their identity.

She was giving a speech.

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I'm angry that she didn't just say she's bi and prefers women. What she did say adds a lot of fuel to the homophobic fire. And as others have said, it's not always black and white. I do happen to be a 6 on the Kinsey scale, and I'd guess that Ms. Nixon is a 4. Nothing wrong with that at all. She just worded it very wrong.

I would. I am in my right mind and I would. I WOULD.

And it is soooooooooo frikkin homophobic to ask that question. I know a lot of well-meaning people use this argument, generally friends and relatives of the newly out who are trying to process the information, but at its heart, it's homophobic.

"She just worded it very wrong."

No, she chose the words she chose because she felt they reflected HER experience.

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My point Namo is that I do not believe people choose to be gay. If you were an adult in the mid 80's when HIV was ravaging the gay community and little was known about the disease, you would remember the fear that was present.

Thousands of men died but they did not stop being gay.