Cynthia Nixon Chose To Be Gay
Cynthia Nixon Chose To Be Gay
Cynthia Nixon Chose To Be Gay#1
Posted: 1/27/12 at 10:38am
http://www.chicagotribune.com/health/la-heb-cynthia-nixon-gay-by-choice-20120125,0,3775839.story
I have a lot of mixed feelings about this. I get what she's saying (I think it's a bit strange, but being gay I get it) It's the rest of the world looking at a high profile celebrity that won't get it, especially those looking for ANY reason to discriminate against us because they have "proof" now that it is a choice. In any event, I think she should have just kept her thoughts on this to herself.
Thoughts?
Cynthia Nixon Chose To Be Gay #2
Posted: 1/27/12 at 11:00am
The inherent problem is that people who posit sexuality strictly as choice -- because it justifies (and allows them to process and confront) something that doesn't fit into their religious paradigm -- also see it as a dichotomy, gay/straight... and they might throw bisexual in there, too, but right in the middle.
In my opinion (uh... I guess... until there's strict science to back it up... though, to me, it seems pretty obvious) she's probably very, very bisexual and at a point in her life when she's going for the ladies. But God forbid I define her sexuality for her. Personally, I identify as "gay" because it's convenient. I'll probably never have a girlfriend again, but I can still be sexually aroused by women. So, I'm somewhere on that scale, too, just much more towards one side.
She's got the right to say what she wants, of course. Should she have kept it to herself? Meh. I don't know. But if I were a celebrity of her stature and wanted to broach a similar subject and recognized that what I had to say might have potentially damaging effects to a group I'm not part of -- by choice or not -- I'd have chosen my words a lot more carefully.
EDIT. I responded before reading the whole article. It seems like she doesn't really care or under that it actually *does* matter if you swam, but you're telling everyone you walked. I don't really want that in the "community," I guess.
Cynthia Nixon Chose To Be Gay #2
Posted: 1/27/12 at 11:11am
I dont understand her logic, actually.
I certainly would understand if she said she was bisexual and preferred women, or simply preferred her wife above all others.
I dont want to label anyone, but if you like p**sy AND c**k, you are bi.
I dont understand why someone cant just admit that. She is bi and chose her wife...that seems closer to the truth...and there shouldnt be anything wrong with that either.
I was upset when Sheryl Swoops said the same thing.
I do agree with her that it shouldnt matter if it's chosen or not, and shouldnt need defending...but for those of us who didnt choose, it's frustrating because we've been in defense mode all of our lives.
"In Oz, the verb is douchifizzation." PRS
Cynthia Nixon Chose To Be Gay #3
Posted: 1/27/12 at 11:23am
First of all, wouldn't identify her as gay anyway. I would identify her as bisexual.
If she chooses to be in a monogamous relationship, for a bisexual that means picking one person and one orientation to live by. Even if they are attracted to both.
It is a choice to be monogamous. It's also a choice to ignore or deny your sexuality and choose to live another way.
But it's not a choice to be gay, straight, or bisexual.
blocked: logan2, Diamonds3, Hamilton22
Cynthia Nixon Chose To Be Gay #4
Posted: 1/27/12 at 11:29amThis does irk me since it sounds like Nixon is purposely sidestepping bisexuality. Once you label homosexuality as a "choice", then you are simply offering it up to the fundies as a fetish. I have never been sexually attracted to women and it was never a choice for me. Nixon's "it's not a choice for others but it was a choice for me" stance of not wanting to be sexually defined is a very unfortunate POV to project. If she's bisexual, that's fine, but her "Why can't it be a choice?" is ridiculously naive, especially when NOBODY questions heterosexuality as simply being a choice. Frankly, she just sounds stupid.
Cynthia Nixon Chose To Be Gay #5
Posted: 1/27/12 at 11:31am
One of the beautiful things about life is it's not up to us to choose how other people identify themselves.
I know I've been around this discussion here before over the years, and I know most gay people in my life feel they were, to coin a term, express yourself. I'm sorry, born this way. But to argue that we're just victims of biology is to miss the point. Why WOULDN'T people choose to be gay? It's a good thing. People, in a liberated world, should indeed be able to make such a choice.
Cynthia Nixon Chose To Be Gay #6
Posted: 1/27/12 at 11:35am
The problem lies in the black/white view of sexuality and gender that society has. It's not always either/or. But society has that viewpoint and it needs to be negotiated.
As such, her stating that she "chose to be gay" is a dangerous statement because that's exactly what many conservatives believe, that people who are not heterosexual have chosen their sexuality somehow. It's detrimental. It implies the choice can be undone.
I'm like a Kinsey 6- all dudes, all the time. No choice there.
Cynthia Nixon Chose To Be Gay #7
Posted: 1/27/12 at 11:39amThe gay establishment has already come down on Nixon, saying basically what doodlenyc said in his post: "I dont want to label anyone, but if you like p**sy AND c**k, you are bi." But I prefer the quote that Nixon gave: "You don't get to define my sexuality for me" (my emphases). Kad's post about the inherent problems of gender/sexual binaries is very salient.
Cynthia Nixon Chose To Be Gay #8
Posted: 1/27/12 at 11:43am
One of the beautiful things about life is it's not up to us to choose how other people identify themselves.
That would indeed be beautiful if it were a reality. But the Conservative majority chose how to identify me and chose to legislate laws that identify me as a lesser human being with fewer rights. I know I was "born this way", but I wouldn't call myself a victim of biology simply because I feel victimized by ignorant bigots, not genetics.
Cynthia Nixon Chose To Be Gay #9
Posted: 1/27/12 at 11:47am
Why don't we get to define her sexuality for her?
There are people helped "out" with their sexuality all the time. People in denial who don't have a clue who they are.
I used to be in denial before I came out. It was a long time ago, but if someone had said I was gay, would they have been wrong? I would have argued with them at the time, but not because they were wrong, because I was in denial about it. Of course, I can only say that retroactively now. At the time, I would have challenged them.
Sexuality may be personal and private, but how you define your sexuality isn't anymore up to you than defining your race. Of course "choosing" one's race opens a can of worms too for mixed-race people. They can identify as white or black (for example) and live by that "decision." It will never change the fact that they are mixed-race, however. It's not up to them to "decide" their genetic makeup.
EDIT: To summarize, you can choose to identify yourself a certain way. You can choose how you live your life. But you can't choose your sexual orientation. Only how you choose to handle it (or not).
blocked: logan2, Diamonds3, Hamilton22
Cynthia Nixon Chose To Be Gay #10
Posted: 1/27/12 at 11:53am
I don't really care if it's a choice for some people and not for others. I can't extrapolate the entirety of human experience based on my very limited, small world-view. I feel like I made no choice in my sexuality. That is my truth.
But here's the thing...I don't think we need to make the argument that being gay is only a biological thing that's pre-programmed. Because, in the end, we live in a country which was founded upon the belief that one's religion or lack thereof(which is CLEARLY one's choice), is held as a self-evident truth. So, as far as I'm concerned, the same right that gives people the choice to preach their hatred of me must also recognize that the way I choose to live (that choice, for me, being 'out', not 'gay') is not only valid, but also something that must be accorded equal protection under the law.
Cynthia Nixon Chose To Be Gay #11
Posted: 1/27/12 at 12:03pmBut RobbieJ, that line of thinking would require legislators to think rationally which the majority of them simply will not do. By choice. That's why the genetic quest in determining sexuality has become a driving force in gaining ground for equal rights. In order to provide something inarguable to those who legislate based on their own personal religious faith.
Cynthia Nixon Chose To Be Gay #12
Posted: 1/27/12 at 12:23pm
Here's the thing. I am of the belief that finding the genetic 'Eureka' moment is a fool's errand. I just think that if it was something that could be found in our DNA, it would have been found by now. I think there are probably many, many factors that go into someone's sexuality. A very complex set of issues that may, one day, be unlocked. But I'm not hopeful. Nor do I actually care.
And, as we're seeing, the dominos are starting to fall against the bigots (both religious and non...there are still people who hate us who do not base it on religious beliefs). The pace at which public opinion is turning is shocking. What I once thought was an impossibility in my lifetime is now entirely plausible. Inevitable, I might even say. And it's happening even without proof that being gay is a biological phenomenon.
Cynthia Nixon Chose To Be Gay #13
Posted: 1/27/12 at 1:27pm
For me, it wasn't until a friend pulled me into a gay bar at 20 that I even began to wonder if I could possibly like women more than men. My mom chose to take this as me choosing because of the environment I was introduced to. The truth was, meeting this new group of people just made me reevaluate past events and realize that this was something I had felt all along. I still think that if the right man had come along, I could have fallen in love with him and had the whole American dream. Instead, the absolutely perfect woman came along. So, no, I don't believe it's a choice to have an attraction. I do think it's your choice in how you deal with it. My wife had decided that she was more attracted to women, but would never act on it, even if that meant being alone her whole life. Then I came along 
I guess I kind of get what I assume Cynthia is trying to say... I avoid labels. I do not refer to myself as a lesbian except when being funny. Technically, I guess I am bisexual, but I am so off the market it doesn't matter. People want to call me a lesbian or gay and I don't mind, but it doesn't feel like that fits. If I had to list things about myself, sexual orientation wouldn't be in the top 10, but being married to my best friend would. I have many friends that wear LESBIAN across their foreheads and only hang out with other LESBIANS and do not understand why we don't boo or hiss when Anne Heche is on The View. I don't let it define who we are. We fight pretty damn hard to show our (very religious) family that we're just like everyone else. Labels don't fit into that for us. That's just me. I don't want anyone trying to fit me into a package for their convenience. I guess Cynthia feels the same.
Cynthia Nixon Chose To Be Gay #14
Posted: 1/27/12 at 1:52pmI doubt that she intended to offend, but the line, "Ive been straight and Ive been gay, and gay is better" is quite offensive. I would imagine if a celebrity made the statement that "Ive been gay and Ive been straight, and straight is better", it would upset many on this board.
Cynthia Nixon Chose To Be Gay #15
Posted: 1/27/12 at 1:53pmShe could have also chosen to keep her yap shut on the topic all together. You started it Ms. Nixon, don't dare feign indignation when you are challenged by your community.
Cynthia Nixon Chose To Be Gay #16
Posted: 1/27/12 at 2:04pm
To summarize, you can choose to identify yourself a certain way. You can choose how you live your life. But you can't choose your sexual orientation. Only how you choose to handle it (or not).
The problem is that there are so many ways to problematize this. A friend of mine is currently in a relationship with a transgender female-to-male. Heretofore she's only been in relationships with men. Is it a straight relationship because, on the surface level, they appear to be a traditional male/female couple? Is it a gay relationship because they both have the same genitalia? Is my friend gay, straight, or bi? If my friend's partner didn't identify as either gender, then how would you categorize the relationship without easy labels?
We can say that Ms. Nixon has been gay or bi all her life and that she's just now living an out lifestyle, but how can we really know that's true?
Cynthia Nixon Chose To Be Gay #17
Posted: 1/27/12 at 2:08pm
Robbie and I are in complete agreeance, as Fred Durst or Sebastian Bach might say.
Cynthia Nixon Chose To Be Gay #18
Posted: 1/27/12 at 2:13pm
We can't. Which is why her words don't really bother me. Plus it's a conversation that I think we, as a community, should be having. If we truly want our relationships recognized and use Loving v. Virgina as the basis, we must recognize that to marry someone of a different race is absolutely a choice. But it's a choice we must all be free to make. I'm gay...but I can choose to marry a woman (Hi, Barry Diller!). I simply don't want to be denied the choice of marrying a man.
In many ways, our country is founded on choice. The right to self-determination. The choice of the people to elect their representatives. The choice to make medical decisions that are best for you. Why should be we afraid of the 'choice' argument when we are still right in the end? The answer to the statment, 'Being gay is a choice,' should never be a defensive 'NO IT ISN'T!!!!' It should be an offensive 'Religion is a choice...a choice that is constitutionally protected. And I demand the same protection afforded to me by the Constitution.'
Cynthia Nixon Chose To Be Gay #19
Posted: 1/27/12 at 2:19pmVery well said, SonofRobbieJ.
Cynthia Nixon Chose To Be Gay #20
Posted: 1/27/12 at 2:29pm
I was wondering when this would surface here, since it's been making a sh*storm for a few days now.
I support outing destructive, duplicitous homophobic twats and I support Nixon's right to self-identify as gay. I don't think these things really have anything to do with the other.
Do I feel like I choose to be gay? No. Do I think for some others, they did? Sure, if only because that's what they're telling me.
I think a few years ago I would have had a negative reaction to these comments, but I know my thinking on this has evolved, and I think a lot of it has to do with discussions on this very board. The most important thing I've learned is that defining other people's sexuality for them is, among other things, reductive and offensive.
Cynthia Nixon Chose To Be Gay #21
Posted: 1/27/12 at 2:45pm
So you say this:
I support outing destructive, duplicitous homophobic twats
And then you also say this:
The most important thing I've learned is that defining other people's sexuality for them is, among other things, reductive and offensive.
Does that mean your support of the former is reductive and offensive?
blocked: logan2, Diamonds3, Hamilton22
Cynthia Nixon Chose To Be Gay #22
Posted: 1/27/12 at 2:55pmNo, like I said, I don't see how one has to do with the other.
Cynthia Nixon Chose To Be Gay #23
Posted: 1/27/12 at 3:03pm
And, not to put words in Phyllis' mouth, but my guess is that Phyllis doesn't wish to define the politican, but rather call attention to hypocritical behavior. In other words, the choice to deny me my rights under the Constitution while choosing to engage in the same behavior for which I'm vilified.
See...it IS all about choice!
Cynthia Nixon Chose To Be Gay #24
Posted: 1/27/12 at 3:19pm
Speaking of choice and finding the genetic "eureka" moment will be the first time we hear about *the one circumstance* in which abortion on demand is encouraged.
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