Dear MammaMia Sammy

[Mister Matt]

Posted: 4/4/11 at 5:00pm

As of an hour ago, he's all yours. You were meant for each other.

[Phyllis Rogers Stone]

Posted: 4/4/11 at 5:04pm

[DAME]

Posted: 4/4/11 at 5:12pm

So sorry hon. Hope you are ok.

[Mister Matt]

Posted: 4/4/11 at 5:37pm

No, I'm not ok. I am so far from ok, they haven't invented a ship that can take me to ok in the universe. The whole thing is so unbelievably cruel, messed up, despicable and heinous, it defies description. My only comfort is knowing I'm not to blame for anything. Some people play the victim and some people actually are victims. I am the latter. And I'm in complete shock. I left a voicemail for my therapist. She can probably get funding for a case study on me.

Bottom line is, I can't handle another shock or crisis. And I can't put myself through this again. Suffice it to say, the man I have known and loved for nine years no longer exists. I have no idea who he is and that is terrifying.

[DAME]

Posted: 4/4/11 at 5:50pm

Wow. Sounds like you just need to go thru it. Nothing anyone says to you is going to make you feel better. You just have to take it moment by moment. I am sure the distance you boys have from each other magnifies things.

[Mister Matt]

Posted: 4/4/11 at 5:54pm

What I'm feeling is...indescribable. And it was unimaginable. And maybe the part that is my fault is allowing myself to feel safe. Hell, I always thought I'd be the one to screw it up. This is the one scenario I simply didn't think was possible. It's THAT f*cked up.

[DAME]

Posted: 4/4/11 at 6:04pm

Do you feel comfortable saying what happened?

[DottieD'Luscia]

Posted: 4/4/11 at 6:08pm

Oh Mister Matt, I'm so sorry. That's all I can say right now.

[Calvin]

Posted: 4/4/11 at 6:19pm

<3

[Mister Matt]

Posted: 4/4/11 at 6:34pm

Dame - I will say that he did not tell me he married another man while screwing me on my mother's casket. That's the only scenario I can come up with that is worse. Well, at least in that scenario, I get sex, so maybe that's a poor example.

[DAME]

Posted: 4/4/11 at 6:48pm

Quite the visiual. When did this all go down?

[Mister Matt]

Posted: 4/4/11 at 6:50pm

My knowledge of everything started six weeks ago with a blindside, but I was told it all really started about 5 months ago and continued throughout my father's illness and death. Then I was strung along until I cornered him in a lie yesterday. He took the coward's way out this afternoon via telephone.

[Dollypop]

Posted: 4/4/11 at 6:52pm

Matt, I'm so sorry to hear this. I don't know what to say other than I hope you are able to get through it.

[DAME]

Posted: 4/4/11 at 6:54pm

OH NO. NOT THE PHONE. SO I take it there is someone else?

[YouWantitWhen????]

Posted: 4/4/11 at 7:00pm

Matt, I think my favorite word is quite fitting right now ... Ratbastard!

Hang in there. He clearly is not worth your time or energy.

[DAME]

Posted: 4/4/11 at 7:02pm

"Hang in there. He clearly is not worth your time or energy."

I am sure that advice is very well intentioned. But that is something hard to hear when you have been with someone for so many years and invested yourself for so long in a relationship.

[YouWantitWhen????]

Posted: 4/4/11 at 7:15pm

Dame,

I do not know all of the details of the relationship and there was no intention to be callous.

I will just leave it at Ratbastard then.

And Matt, I am truly sorry you are going through this.

[Bluemoon]

Posted: 4/4/11 at 8:35pm

When I saw the thread title, I was hoping against hope that this was not the case. I'm so sorry, Matt. I feel for you. You've had a lot of loss in your life lately.

[Mister Matt]

Posted: 4/4/11 at 8:42pm

Bluemoon - How weird is it that I appreciate your keen sense of intuition? But yes, my abandonment issues are bountiful in the psychiatric sense.

[Eris0303]

Posted: 4/4/11 at 8:48pm

I think most of us have been there in some way shape or form. I went through it and spent about six months in the darkness - I even disappeared from the board for a long time.

But, I'm glad you feel comfortable enough with us strangers to come and talk. It's much better than to keep it bottled up and let it fester.

[NYadgal]

Posted: 4/4/11 at 9:05pm

I know there are no words to share with you right now that will ease your pain.

Just know that you have friends who care about you. Just reach out...

I'm so sorry.
xo

[PalJoey]

Posted: 4/4/11 at 9:41pm

Sorry to hear of your troubles, Matt.

But I've always believed that homicide is the best therapy, so tell me:

Which of the six murderers in the "Cell Block Tango" best fits your current mood? Pop, Six, Squish, Uh-Oh, Cicero or Lipschitz?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDfbUqYfAFc

I think Squish. I definitely could see Jarico running into your knife. I could definitely see him running into your knife TEN TIMES.

Enjoy the video, and best wishes.

[Mister Matt]

Posted: 4/5/11 at 10:32am

The day after. God, this sucks so much. I'm just...lost.

"It wasn't until later when I was washing the blood after my hands I even knew they were dead."

Cicero. Only to be more accurate, it is Sanxenxo. A place I used to love.

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 4/5/11 at 10:53am

If Xenia has taught me anything, it's never live anyplace with Xs in the name. Except maybe Xanax.

[Mister Matt]

Posted: 4/5/11 at 11:04am

If anyone is planning to go to Sanxenxo soon, please send my ex a Molotov Cocktail from me. Cheers!