"G-d is not your friend" ;)

OK, I happen to know the guy peripherally that wrote this little article. He printed it again this wk in our nabe's little weekly called the Clinton Chronicle. (Hell's Kitchen, ny). Anyway, he's a strange character, but I find this pretty amusing. Not really meant to offend, I think, but take offense if you must!

"God Is NOT Your Friend"

Because I have been hearing a lot of this lately  and it will only intensify as the national hysteria over the presidential election grows  I am compelled to make the following statement: YOU DO NOT HAVE A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD. Period. Anyone who thinks otherwise is deluded and should seek treatment. You can have a personal relationship with your greengrocer. With your dentist. With ours spouse, best friend, enemies, high school guidance counselor (though I dont know why you would want one). You can have a personal relationship. Albeit one-dioded, with your dog or cat. But with God? No damn way. God is indefinable. God is a concept which the human mind simply cannot grasp. The minute you start to define God, you LIMIT God and that is BLASPHEMY. How can you possibly have a personal relationship with something you are unable to comprehend? Its like having a personal relationship with a quark, only less likely. So forget all that self-satisfied ego-inflating crap about you and God being chums. You are wrong. 100%, totally, completely wrong. You cannot know God. Hell, even the name of God is ineffable. So what will you call this thing you claim to have a personal relationship with? Chip? Is that a good name? Look: Picture God. Imagine what God is. Think of God listening to your puny prayers wherein you demand that God suspend the laws of the universe for your convenience. Got a mental picture? Thats NOT God! You are not able to imagine God. It is way above your pay-grade. God is incomprehensible to the human mind. If you maintain otherwise, you are a) lying to make yourself seem important, b) lying to make yourself seem right, c) out of your mind. To describe God is to define God and that, as I said before, is blasphemy. Get over it. Be happy just to have the God given gift of life. Dont make God your swimming pool buddy at summer camp. You have no idea what God is. Not in the least. You cannot possibly. Got it?

Updated On: 6/29/12 at 12:06 AM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PcjZtsFU5Z4

Why is the author trying telling other people what they can and can't have? Perhaps the author feels that he can't have a personal relationship with God. Many others feel differently. Faith is not one size fits all.

---

It bothers me when people who know nothing about religion try to define it (yes I'm looking at you Bill Maher and you too Alexandra Pelosi).

"Hell, even the name of God is ineffable."

Only Jews believe that. Christians have no problem saying the name.

"How can you possibly have a personal relationship with something you are unable to comprehend?"

I don't comprehend how a car works, but I have no problem getting in, turning the key and driving down the road. Not understanding how something works doesn't mean people can't use it.

"YOU DO NOT HAVE A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD"

Jesus Christ would beg to differ. It's each person's choice what they want to believe.

---

I had a relationship with God. I'd talk and talk and he'd never respond. He had a lot of rules to follow and some of them made no sense (no bacon?). Sometimes I'd follow them and sometimes I didn't- and it really didn't seem to matter. He might do bad things to me when I behaved and reward me when I didn't. I'd do and do and do for Him and he'd give me a rash. The neighbor, who did whatever he damn well pleased got a new car.

He was vain and possessive and kind of a jerk. I ended the relationship.

"He had a lot of rules to follow and some of them made no sense (no bacon?)."

Pigs won't think twice about eating another pig's feces. God was just trying to make sure that you ate healthy.

---

God is not only my friend. She is also my co-pilot.

---

That's another thing. God INSISTED I see Him and Him alone, but HE had to be free to see other people.

Pal Joey you are a deity stealing double timing floozie!

Updated On: 6/29/12 at 11:02 AM

I am about the most anti-religion person there is, and even I wouldn't tell folks they don't have a relationship with god. If they truly believe, then they do. Since god is an 'idea' or a spirituality -- then he cannot even exist WITHOUT human acceptance.

---

I just assumed he was talking about your Lisa Welchels who ask the lord if she should get that between-meal Chik-Fill-A and who hears a verbal response from Him.

---

You must have done it incorrectly. I've had anal sex thousands of times, with no ill effects on NOLA...

---

Mary's boyfriend, Joe. He's a carpenter, I think.

---

All this talk about the coming of the lord is getting me hot and bothered.