Homophobia or Overreaction?- Page 3

[Namaste]

Posted: 5/4/08 at 5:12pm

NO! NOT ALLOWED.

We don't want your kind here at BWW.

[nitsua]

Posted: 5/4/08 at 5:15pm

Right.

[Namaste]

Posted: 5/4/08 at 5:21pm

To steer it back... I do love NYadgal's point!

[Unknown User]

Posted: 5/4/08 at 5:51pm

Wasn't it Mel Brooks who said "Tragedy is I get a hangnail. Comedy is you fall down an open elevator shaft and die."

[Phyllis Rogers Stone]

Posted: 5/4/08 at 6:02pm

If history is a guide, the only thing you're not allowed to joke about on here is Heath Ledger's death.

Unless you're artscallion - the NOTHING I post is appropriate.

[Namaste]

Posted: 5/4/08 at 6:35pm

FindYourGrail: Is this the kind of guy you mean? A "RealJock" type of guy who likes the pooty tang?

(This AD just popped up on BWW and it seemed like great timing.) Updated On: 5/4/08 at 06:35 PM

[xOnMyOwnX]

Posted: 5/4/08 at 6:41pm

I think the problem is the double standard. Chances are the co-worker who made the comment figured that if your friends could make jokes, he could make jokes.
I had something similar except mine had nothing to do with stereotypes. A nickname of mine spread to people who used to to hurt me. So I made EVERYONE stop calling me that name, including my friends.
The best thing to do would have been to tell your friends and this guy not to make gay jokes.
The best thing to do now would tell your friends to stop making gay jokes.
Telling the manager probably wasn't the best idea...

[LePetiteFromage]

Posted: 5/4/08 at 6:55pm

Updated On: 1/23/09 at 06:55 PM

[nitsua]

Posted: 5/4/08 at 7:01pm

That poor Beanie Bear!

[Namaste]

Posted: 5/4/08 at 7:04pm

Please. That Beanie Bear likes it. You can see it in his face.

[nitsua]

Posted: 5/4/08 at 7:05pm

The other one looks a bit jealous.

[tazber]

Posted: 5/4/08 at 7:06pm

Beanie molestation is NO LAUGHING MATTER!

[Unknown User]

Posted: 5/4/08 at 7:27pm

EXACTLY! How can you laugh when that bear is being raped? Unwanted touching is NO JOKE!

[tazber]

Posted: 5/4/08 at 7:28pm

Yes, but there's unwanted, and then there's "unwanted" joe.

[Namaste]

Posted: 5/4/08 at 7:34pm

Like how some people on this board were unwanted by their parents?

[tazber]

Posted: 5/4/08 at 7:35pm

Well, that would be just plain unwanted, namaste. "unwanted" is a euphamism.

[Unknown User]

Posted: 5/4/08 at 9:05pm

To be honest, I kind of regret talking to my manager now. I think I did it in haste, but nothing can be done.

Basically, today, she approached me and told me she'd spoken to him and his response was that he was unaware that what he said was offensive to me and that he didn't even remember making the "peter puffer" remark. He did tell my manager that the second offense was in response to a comment my friend had made. But, his main point was that he was genuinely sorry.

I spoke to my friend about it and told her I didn't like what she said. Honestly, I'd like to think I have a good sense of humor about things and have been in many situations where I've dealt with straight men who would kid around with me and I'd just play along because I knew what they were doing was meant as a joke.

I think I just reacted too quickly knowing this kid's past. I shouldn't have made assumptions but it's over and done with. He wasn't at work today so we'll see what happens when I see him. The last thing I want to happen is to see things at work get awkward because it's a great workplace with great people.

Only time will tell.

[tazber]

Posted: 5/4/08 at 9:27pm

The last thing I want to happen is to see things at work get awkward because it's a great workplace with great people.

I think it's a little late for that now.....

[roquat]

Posted: 5/5/08 at 12:49am

FindYourGrail--When the guy comes back to work, I'd advise you to make as little of this as possible. Greet him in a nice way and act friendly as usual toward him. If he brings up what happened, say you're sorry about the "misunderstanding" and that you're sure now he couldn't have meant what you thought he meant. Then drop it.

This is not appeasement (you didn't say WHOSE misunderstanding). Sometimes it's better to assume the best about people. You already assumed the worst (based on what you heard about his past, which may have been exaggerated depending on who you heard it from) and continuing on that path will only lead to more scenes. If you (gently) make it clear that you're sure no decent, intelligent person would intentionally say hurtful things about gay people, you will make him feel very ashamed of himself.

It sounds to me like this person is overcompensating for his former mistake. He was fired (supposedly) for making anti-gay comments, so now he's trying to correct this by treating homosexuality as a big joke. You have the opportunity to educate him on this issue, simply by behaving naturally and showing him that gay people are as normal as everyone else. I think it might be worth the effort.

[nygrl23]

Posted: 5/5/08 at 11:39am

Well, your manager handled it, and it might make things a bit awkward for a time. Don't spend energy on what this guy has said, especially since he pulled the old "I don't recall making that statement" thing. Boundaries can be a little tricky, and just treat the guy like you'd like to be treated. Rise above it all.