How not to feel humiliated when dining alone- Page 3

[sabrelady]

Posted: 1/21/10 at 9:00pm

I have occasionally had difficulty getting a reservation in an upscale restaurant when then know they will only be filling one seat. Now i just reserv for 2 and show up saying my guest canceled. So far it's worked.

[Q]

Posted: 1/21/10 at 9:55pm

"Is there some sort of advice book on how to order lots of food in a drive through and not feel like a pig?"

Bring your . . . I'm sorry, I mean 'a', of course . . . blow-up doll along in the passenger seat.

[Phyllis Rogers Stone]

Posted: 1/21/10 at 11:13pm

First, I totally love this tread, including the middle section in the rabbit hole.

When I was read this article I was thinking about that scene in The First Wives Club when Brenda goes out to dinner and the waiter is like "By YOURSELF?" and she was all forlorn, and I thought, like SM2 said a few pages back, "Why not get takeout?"

As a person who has myriad anxieties, I totally get it, however, I think it's a quirky sort of anxiety that flies in the face of common sense, like mine for not wanting to call strangers on the phone to ask for things. That's my hangup and it's founded in nothing.

I generally don't like to eat dinner places alone. I'd rather order if I could but I don't think I've ever specifically thought to take myself to a fancy restaurant by myself. Not because I'd feel humiliated, but more that I don't really care about eating out way or another. I like to not have to cook, but I'm perfectly happy eating in my apartment.

I have eaten dinner in public alone, and have never felt shameful about it. I've gone to movies alone, theatre alone and never once worried that someone who I didn't know was going to look at me and decide I had no friends because I didn't have any with me at the moment, and seems to the underlying fear of all this, that everyone else is judging you for something.

[Marianne2]

Posted: 1/21/10 at 11:40pm

I find the sitting at the bar suggestion interesting. Because for me, I think that would make me more nervous. I'd rather have my own space away from people, because I already am aware that I do have problem with being seated too close to people, and am extremely shy and nervous around people I don't know.

[Phyllis Rogers Stone]

Posted: 1/21/10 at 11:43pm

I like that your options for reading material when you're out alone dining are Sports Illustrated and War and Peace.
Updated On: 1/22/10 at 11:43 PM

[StockardFan]

Posted: 1/22/10 at 1:01am

Phyllis I thought it was funny that they ruled out War and Peace, yet the chick in the picture had some big novel she was reading.

[taylorPHENOMENON2]

Posted: 1/22/10 at 1:38am

To echo everyone else: WHO CARES?

[Q]

Posted: 1/22/10 at 1:43am

"To echo everyone else: WHO CARES?"

To echo Craww - YOU should, you judgemental creep!

JFTR - I don't agree with that sentiment

[JbaraFan1]

Posted: 1/22/10 at 2:53am

I can, admittedly, be one of the most ridiculously self-conscious people ever, but I have absolutely no problem with dining out alone or with going to the occasional movie by myself.

Marianne2, like you I prefer to be seated away from other people if I'm dining by myself.

At movies, when I go alone, my ideal is sort of middle/middle as far as seating goes and to have the seats on either side of me remain empty. I do my best, before the movie starts, to emit "I don't want any strangers sitting by me!" vibes, and not sure if I have voodoo powers or what, but nine times out of ten it seems to work.

yeah I know I sound like a nut! lol

[Plum]

Posted: 1/22/10 at 3:08am

In my (admittedly pretty limited) experience, dining alone seems to be more common in Europe than in the U.S. for whatever reason. I've definitely gotten more of an awkward vibe catching dinner alone in New York than I did doing the same in London or Paris or name-your-random-Israeli-city. In Philadelphia the vibe is even worse.

That said...unless you have the kind of social anxiety that probably requires therapy and/or medication, if you eat alone enough you kind of get over it, no? These days I bring a book* with me and I'm fine, and I usually raise nervousness to a lifestyle.

[Craww]

Posted: 1/22/10 at 8:00am

"To echo everyone else: WHO CARES?"

To echo Craww - YOU should, you judgemental creep!

Not really, but okay. The modus operandi of this thread seems to be clowning me because I said something earnest, so I'll just accept your interpretation here.

Next stop, I organize a charity drive for people who are self conscious to dine alone. I wonder if Doctors Without Borders will return the donation I made last week so I have some seed money.

[MotorTink]

Posted: 1/22/10 at 9:08am

I'm perfectly ok eating out by myself, although, it is not my first option. When I was 20-21 I started traveling a lot for work out of the blue. I had never traveled period, let alone by myself, so it was all a tough experience at first. i could deal with the airports and all, but I did have anxiety about eating by myself at first. I usually found a close restaurant to the hotel and just went back there for all meals. (hence why I could never go back to an IHOP for years, lol). I would bring my book and just sit in the corner. I got over the anxiety after a few trips.

It's stupid my my main hang up was the fact that I had worked in a restaurant in HS and knew how much servers loathed getting a 1 seater, lol, so I felt a sort of guilt doing it to someone else, lol. Silly, I know.

Also, from a young female's perspective, eating alone (esp in the bar area) seems to be a siren call for all the creeps in the place to come up and try to talk to you. I can't tell you how many times I've heard "why are you sitting alone", "just grabbing food and wanted to read my book in peace", "oh well, a woman should never dine alone, let me keep you company".....and then I would have to get bitchy or give the bartender "the eye" to come save me. Creeps.

[bdwaygirl]

Posted: 1/22/10 at 9:08am

I've dined alone plenty of times when I've been in NY. I don't think about it when home in Jersey. If no one wants to go out to dinner, I guess I'd just rather get something and bring it back home.

[Jane2]

Posted: 1/22/10 at 9:36am

I rarely eat out, so I probably wouldn't do it alone, but not for the reasons of feeling intimidated. But movies, I PREFER to go alone, sit in some remote corner, and enjoy the film without any disturbance whatsoever. I like to be transformed into the film in order to enjoy it. I always see lots of singles at movies.

[Jordan Catalano]

Posted: 1/22/10 at 10:20am

I don't like to shower alone and feel very self conscious if I step in there by myself.

[Mister Matt]

Posted: 1/22/10 at 10:42am

I Germany and London, I've often dined alone only to have someone else join me who is also dining alone. It's customary to share tables with strangers due to lack of space. Sometimes they get chatty and sometimes they just keep to themselves. It took some getting used to, but after a few minutes, I just go with it and pretend like I'm in the lunch room on the first day of school.

[JbaraFan1]

Posted: 1/22/10 at 5:24pm

Mister Matt, that's a good way to be!

[Magdalene]

Posted: 1/22/10 at 7:52pm

How funny! I've never felt humiliated dining alone, and I do that frequently when I'm in NYC...I guess everyone is different!

[Unknown User]

Posted: 1/22/10 at 9:24pm

I want to thank all of you who offered support to me in my time of need! I just drove through Taco Bell, got a 10 taco pack, TOLD the cashier it was ALL for me, ate 'em, threw them up and then drove through Dunkin Donuts for a dozen apple fritters and did the same! I feel so much healthier now!