How to get my mind off my ex.

[saveusmike]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 8:52am

I have been with my girlfriend for 2 years and I loved her very much. She was actually my first love and I remember falling in love with her thinking this "feeling" was incredible and just something completly new. We have always had a rocky relationship but at the end of the day we loved each other more than anything.
I was never the perfect boyfriend but I tried hard, she made me want to try hard. Now we have been broken up for some time a big reason (not the whole thing) is she has changed and is not really the girl I had fallen in love with so long ago.

But not even for that even if we stayed together we would be hurting ourselves in the long run. A big way how is the fact that
I am Italian Catholic, She is Palestinian Muslim whos parents want, no need, her to end up with someone who is Arab/ Muslim.

She was the first girl I ever really saw myself with (Marriage, kids, etc). And I didnt mind that at all. But no matter how much I want it and her I know it just wont end up the way I want it to.

Its so hard because sometimes random things just make me remember her and I cant get her out of my head. I dont want to be upset over this anymore. How do you get over a ex you loved so much..?

[tazber]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 8:55am

Find a rebound chick and have crazy sex.

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 8:58am

Stop worrying where you're going, move on.

[spiderdj82]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 9:02am

If only what Namo said was easy to do. It's different for everyone, but when my wife and I separated (and later divorced) it took me a while to get over her, because she was my first EVERYTHING and we were together for 12 years. What worked best for me, was to put away anything that reminded me of her (pictures, cards, etc.) and break all contact with her. I am still not completely over everything, but time really does help.

Updated On: 9/21/09 at 09:02 AM

[FindingNamo]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 9:03am

I agree everybody's different.

[PalJoey]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 9:16am

I am Italian Catholic, She is Palestinian Muslim....She was the first girl I ever really saw myself with (Marriage, kids, etc).

Did you see yourself raising those kids as Catholic or Muslim?

Did you ever discuss that vision of yourself and her and your kids with her?

How did she see raising them?

[Bettyboy72]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 9:17am

Practice compassion with yourself. You're going to perseverate on her for a while, do drive bys, call her and hang up. It goes with the turf. However, one day you will just wake up and be like, "ok, I can't do this anymore." And you won't. I think you kind of need to burn yourself out on it. I also recommend getting a therapist, a non-biased party to support during this time because I guarantee your friends will get sick of listening. Oh and definitely un-friend her from facebook. You do not want to know what she is doing. Hell no. Keep yourself busy and stay distracted. Fake it til you make it. Best wishes with this, I know it can be hard.

[Eris0303]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 10:31am

I definitely second the facebook thing. I, recently, got my heart torn out and stomped on. Watching him be "happy" with someone else on facebook is a huge killer.

I, also, second Bettyboy's suggestion of a therapist. Friends are often not the best people to turn to in cases like this. Personally, I've always been the compassionate one in my group of friends. The one who was there to pick up the pieces when they shattered. But, when it was my turn to shatter the pieces just lay scattered on the floor because no one had the time or the gumption to pick them up. So, it's definitely a good idea to have someone to talk to. Even if you have to pay for them.

[saveusmike]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 12:09pm

Spider- thank you for your response honestly. I am very sorry and I sympathize with you, although I will never truly understand how it felt (being 12 years and all). Its going to be hard to take down that picture I have of her.

Betty and Eris- Thank you both as well. I did delete her on facebook because everytime she uploads a new picture or status It reminds me of her all over again. I want to get over her so bad I sincerly do but just the thought of ever seeing her with another guy kills me inside. I dont know how much thats going to hurt me and Im so scared about seeing that.
I mean im really doing good and I havnt called/texted her in a while. But everytime she keeps coming back and pulls me back into those feelings. Prior to saturday I hadnt called her or anything in a week. Then saturday she texted me and I missed her all over again..

She told me she was finally ready to show me "the note" (a note she has told me about ever since we broke up, that she wrote for me). So she told me to stop by her house on the way home and pick it up. Stupidly-Excitedly I rushed home from downtown (I live in the Bronx; A very good area) and practically ran over to her house after I got off the train.
I texted her to come out and she didnt respond. 3 minutes later same thing. then I called. and called. and called.. I stood outside 20 minutes at midnight and she never answered me or apologized the next day..

PalJoey-
She knows I wanted to be with her for the long haul. Once night she cried to me because she told me she "wanted it so bad; more than anything" but her parents would never let her. She said she wanted the same thing I wanted.
I understand if their truly is a god I would go to "hell" but I told her I would convert for her.
I would have raised the children in the muslim faith for her. I would have done anything for her. She knows that.

Just her parents are extremly dedicated to her marrying a arab man.

To everyone else with the sarcastic responses I ask, Really??

[tazber]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 12:10pm

What? I was being serious!

[Eris0303]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 12:13pm

To everyone else with the sarcastic responses I ask, Really??

I think they were just attempts to get you to crack a smile.

[nygrl232]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 12:14pm

Her parents are douches.

Your feelings haven't changed, have hers? Or is it all about her parents' racism?

She shouldn't be texting you. That's just cruel. You are the one who needs the energy to move on, so ignore her, avoid her. Delete her texts, voicemails, emails, whatever. She set things in motion, broke your heart. Cut her off.

She texted you and then left you out there. JEEZ. Sounds to me like you dodged a bullet. Updated On: 9/21/09 at 12:14 PM

[Q]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 12:16pm

"the thought of ever seeing her with another guy kills me inside"

Then your feelings are about yourself, not her. If you care about her being happy, then it wouldn't bother you as much.

[nygrl232]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 12:17pm

Q, that's heartbreak. Updated On: 9/21/09 at 12:17 PM

[Eris0303]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 12:19pm

I'm Caucasion but I do know that there is a LOT of pressure within the culture to not marry a "white man". Much more so than in other cultures I believe. I used to work with a young woman whose parents were adament about the fact she not even date someone not of their culture. Someone I went to middle school and high school with got married right out of high school to someone her parents chose. And I've heard other stories that are quite similiar. I wouldn't go so far as to call them "douches". Are they wrong? Yeah, but they probably received the same pressure when they were young. It's what they know.

Posted: 9/21/09 at 12:23pm

Taz is the only one with helpful constructive suggestions.

[Estrella]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 12:42pm

The best way to forget a lover is in the arms of another lover. Take a trip. Go to Europe and meet other women. Slavic Eastern Europe is a stocked pond.

[PalJoey]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 12:59pm

I told her I would convert for her. I would have raised the children in the muslim faith for her. I would have done anything for her. She knows that.

I don't mean this to be harsh but...

Your answer displays very little real understanding of your ex-girlfriend's faith, her family situation or the pressures she is under.

It seems like you are more in love with yourself than with her, more in love with the idea of "an impossible love" than with the real-world pressure of making a dual-religion marriage work.

And beware of melodramatic phrases like "I would do anything for you." Even in Sondheim, sentiments like "I would move mountains, I would do anything" are used ironically, to display the delusions of the character.

The pressure you put on your ex-girlfriend was undoubtedly unbearable. That is why she broke up with you.

Harsh words, I know, but, as Namo said, move on.

[saveusmike]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 1:48pm

Eris if that's the case I apologize to them , its hard to smile in a situation like this.

But paljoey I don't know if I said this but I broke up with her. No pressue was ever put on her she was extremly comfortable telling me everything
And she wanted this just as much as I did (including the conversion of religion).
But I can 100 percent say that I love her more than myself. I am a sort of selfish person (if I could I would live for ever) but the fact that I would put my own life on the line to save hers (if I had too) proves that. I wouldn't do that for anybody else in this world so that statment coming from me is a lot.
Things have changed though and she has changed emmensly. It is impossible for us to stay together and we will just hurt ourselves in the end. it hurts now I figure but it would hurt more if we grew even closer and couldn't be together.

But its just so hard to move on from someone you loved that much

[MotorTink]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 1:57pm

Can i just ask who old you both are and how long you were together?

Not casting judgement but trying to put things in persepctive before chiming in...

[Yero my Hero]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 1:59pm

He said in the first post they were together for 2 years.

[saveusmike]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 2:07pm

I am 19 (20 in march) and she is already 20. We actually have been dating for a little more than 2 years. Its from june 1st 2007

[millie_dillmount]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 2:19pm

Are you going to college?

I understand your situation, and it will hurt, but time will heal things. You continue to meet new people in college and build relationships. If you aren't going to college, find something to do that will allow you to meet new people, such as volunteering or taking an art/writing/etc. class at your community center.

[Eris0303]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 2:32pm

Eris if that's the case I apologize to them , its hard to smile in a situation like this.

That's understandable. It's very common for people to crack jokes in situations like this to try and break the ice and realize some of the pressure. The phrase "laughter is the best medicine" wasn't just invented one day because someone felt like saying it. It actually does work. It's thought that if you can laugh you can heal.

[MotorTink]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 2:36pm

It will take time but the pain will subside and you will meet other people. As sucky as it is, this is kind of an initiation to adulthood. Every person goes through it and survives. In time, hopefully you can look back and just be thankful that no matter how it ended you were able to experience that intense love for another person.