How to get my mind off my ex.- Page 2

[Eris0303]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 2:32pm

Eris if that's the case I apologize to them , its hard to smile in a situation like this.

That's understandable. It's very common for people to crack jokes in situations like this to try and break the ice and realize some of the pressure. The phrase "laughter is the best medicine" wasn't just invented one day because someone felt like saying it. It actually does work. It's thought that if you can laugh you can heal.

[MotorTink]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 2:36pm

It will take time but the pain will subside and you will meet other people. As sucky as it is, this is kind of an initiation to adulthood. Every person goes through it and survives. In time, hopefully you can look back and just be thankful that no matter how it ended you were able to experience that intense love for another person.

[Kalimba]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 2:53pm

Sounds like you're in love with the angst and the drama.

Posted: 9/21/09 at 2:56pm

OK now I'm curious- how were you not "the perfect boyfriend"? Did you cheat?

[PalJoey]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 2:59pm

What Kalimba said.

[Perfectly Marvelous]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 3:10pm

As others have said, you will get over it, you will move on. I can't tell you for how long and what exactly you should be doing as you try to figure everything out, but know that you never walk alone. A lot of us have gone through what you've been through (save for the whole parental discouragement towards marriage, perhaps).

Religion can definitely be a strain on relationships. My boyfriend is pretty open to me becoming Bahai but doesn't want it to entirely change the girl he fell in love with and still loves. I can't say that I blame him. In this case, it seems as though that making the conversion to her faith wouldn't have made a difference to her parents.

[saveusmike]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 3:19pm

Motor I will always be greatful for my first real love. I told her before I will never ever hate her, I couldnt hate someone who made me feel these wondeful feelings before.

And to adress whoever asked about me not being the perfect boyfriend. I never ever cheated in my life. No one could measure up to her for me to cheat on her to begin with. I wasnt perfect in the sense that dispite me always trying my hardest I always felt like I could try just a little harder. I mean I treated her very well and suprised her and was nicer to her than I was to everyone else. I dont know I guess I just felt like I coulda tried harder to make this work out even though I know I cant possibly do anything else.


Kalimba how so? What in my story even gave the impression I like drama? In a situation like ours there of course would be some form of drama. But do you think I like it? Absolutly not? Its ridiculous of you to insinuate that.

[IAMWHATIAM]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 3:56pm

Well, I won't purport to speak for anyone else, but I think your posts in this thread drip with melodrama (not just regular drama), from beginning to end, and your use of hyperbolic speech only highlights that for me. For instance, Tink talks in a lovely way about you in time being thankful for having felt intense love, and right away you respond about not being able to hate your girlfriend. Where does that even come from, other than a place of pure melodrama. And what about "In a situation like ours there of course would be some form of drama." (More pure melodrama - as if you're saying that your struggles were inherently more difficult than everyone else's). I believe that you are sincere in your pain, but I feel like I'm reading dialog from a bad soap opera or a film like Endless Love, and that you've confused what happens in real life with what happens on the stage and screen.

[Perfectly Marvelous]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 4:02pm

^ I actually got that too, but I'm going with post-breakup loss for words/trying to make sense of everything as a means to it. It's hard to try to focus when you go through a breakup. Heck, I couldn't string sentences together or even make it through a phonecall without a random burst of tears. But then again, breakups are different for different people. Maybe by making melodramatic posts/posts that come off melodramatic is saveusmike's way of trying to figure out what's going on now that it's over. I mean, I can't say for sure, but it's a guess.

[tazber]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 4:07pm

Oh god, is this going to be one of those threads where the OP asks for advice, then gets pissy when someone says something he doesn't like?

Posted: 9/21/09 at 4:08pm

How about a drag queen that looks like her? Or maybe marry her off to an Arab and then do her on the side?

[MotorTink]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 4:11pm

tazzy - isn't that an unwritten law for posting on BWW?

[saveusmike]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 4:12pm

Tazber I am not getting pissy But like you said I asked for advice

my original question was How to get my mind off my ex. I did not ask anyone how dramatic my story is. Or To tell me that I love that Drama.

I asked how to get my mind off of my Ex and some of these comments are just not even serious.

I know I dont love the drama. No matter what oppinion anyone has I know myself and I know I hated that more than anything.

[tazber]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 4:12pm

Touche my love, touche.

[PalJoey]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 4:23pm

If you didn't like the drama, you wouldn't have started this thread.

Posted: 9/21/09 at 4:26pm

Mike if you were a buddy of mine you'd get one night of drinking and a lap dance. Then it's time to move on.

The problem with situations like this is there is no good solution. So you ask for help, people offer it and the ONLY thing you can say is "That won't work because...." That's not YOUR fault or anyone elses- it's a problem without a solution. You love a girl you can't be with? Damn man that sucks.

OK we done here?

[saveusmike]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 4:30pm

Joe I see you didnt read my responses. I never said "That wont work beacause.." So please dont quote that.

I embraced everyones advice. Except for advice like "find a drag queen that looks like her, etc"

And Pal Like I said. I started this thread because I wanted helpful constructive advice on how to get my mind off of my ex.
I didnt ask for anything more than that.

[Yero my Hero]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 4:35pm

Sometimes it just takes time. When I broke up with my ex, I was devastated. I couldn't stop crying for a week (I had to sneak into the storage closet at work), I was sad for a month, and then one day, I just woke up and was like, "Whoa. I'm happy." I didn't do anything, I just waited it out. Yes, it sucked. Yes, it took over a year before I could seriously date anyone again, and I still have issues that my current boyfriend has been way too understanding about (it will be 2 years next month). But I eventually got over it, and eventually, you will, too. Eventually.

Posted: 9/21/09 at 4:38pm

OK then, Serious advice: Move on. Get over it.

[PalJoey]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 4:41pm

I didnt ask for anything more than that.

Welcome to the Internet.

[IAMWHATIAM]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 4:42pm

Here's another suggestion for how you could get your mind off your ex (if that's what you really wanted to do, which it's clearly not) - you could go to some random place where people don't know you or her, like, say, how about a random message board, AND DON'T START A THREAD ABOUT HER!

[Perfectly Marvelous]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 4:47pm

Going out for walks helps too. That wasn't meant to be sarcastic. It actually does help to get out of the house.

Also, going to see a show. One day I was feeling extremely blue and was sulking in my room. My mom took me to see Singin' in the Rain and that put me in such a positve frame of mind. Silly as it sounds, it was just the boost of positivity I needed.

[Kalimba]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 5:36pm

Dearest Saveusmike,

1. You're young.
2. You act as if you are the only one here who has ever had his heart broken. Such is not the case.
3. Time will give you perspective on your former relationship and the breakup.
4. One day when you have moved on and you run into your ex, you will probably question yourself at that point as to what you ever saw in her. Believe me, it happens.
5. I stand by my original statement - you're thriving on the angst and the drama.

Kisses,

Kalimba
Updated On: 9/21/09 at 05:36 PM

[SweetQintheLights]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 5:36pm

Clearly, you are not ready to get her off your mind; especially with the kinds of posts you are writing.

"But I can 100 percent say that I love her more than myself. I am a sort of selfish person (if I could I would live for ever) but the fact that I would put my own life on the line to save hers (if I had too) proves that. I wouldn't do that for anybody else in this world so that statment coming from me is a lot."

Talk about obsessive!! As hard as it is, people have gone through a heck of a lot worse than that!! In the whole scheme of life, this is trivial. Trust me. There were several times that things have happened to me in which I swore I could never possibly move on. Some of them, I think about daily (my friend killing herself). Do I dwell on it and say "Oh woe is me"? No. I let it go through my mind, and move on. Something else happened that I thought for sure life couldn't go on; 6 years later I laugh about it and how ridiculous I reacted, but at that moment, nothing could have been worse.

Time heals. Worse things have happened to others. Worse things will likely happen to your through the course of your life. (That's not a bad thing either, it's part of life.)

Hope that made sense, gotta go to dinner!

Updated On: 9/21/09 at 05:36 PM

[blaxx]

Posted: 9/21/09 at 6:41pm

Now we have been broken up for some time a big reason (not the whole thing) is she has changed and is not really the girl I had fallen in love with so long ago.

Sounds like he broke it up because it just wasn't doing it for him. He's mourning the memory of who she was ( or he thought she was / wanted her to be), not of who she is now. They broke up because in the end he wasn't into her, he's mourning the "could have been" fantasy.

Oh, to be young, in love and naive...