I Enjoy Being a Girl Vol 2!- Page 86

[shh282]

Posted: 7/16/09 at 3:29pm

Schmerg I'm the same way! back in high school a running joke around my group of friends was my boobs. my two favorites were " Your boobs are so grand they actually have gravitational pull" or "I'm pretty sure that the lost city of atlantis is somewhere in your cleavage, just saying"

Now I've made the distinction that there are two points in my friendships with people that show how closer we are 1. when they start calling me by my nickname instead of my name and 2. when they've made some joke about my chest.

Stockard I meant to but didnt' say this before: my thoughts are with your husband, I'm sure he'll be home and kickin' in no time :]

[StockardFan]

Posted: 7/16/09 at 3:48pm

Thanks, shhh! I just know he's going to drive me crazy once he's home though.

[mauriposa]

Posted: 7/16/09 at 6:28pm

I hear that, Stock. Let's just hope for a speedy recovery.

[StockardFan]

Posted: 7/16/09 at 8:02pm

Seriously!

OK, so my MIL is never watching my son again. Well after I need her to tomorrow anyway. I came home and all 5 burners were on on the stove. The whole house smells like gas. And I don't know what was spilled all over the kitchen floor but thank God for Swiffer Wet Jets.

[mauriposa]

Posted: 7/16/09 at 8:03pm

Because you didn't have enough to worry about today? Jeez.

[StockardFan]

Posted: 7/16/09 at 8:31pm

I know, right? It's almost funny, except it's not.

[Pianolin717]

Posted: 7/16/09 at 8:46pm

OMG Stock! At least your house is still standing!

[killertofu333]

Posted: 7/16/09 at 11:07pm

Gosh Stockard that's an awful lot of sh*t to go down in 2 days!!!

I have to be honest but I wasn't even going to tell you guys what happened to me yesterday at that funeral I went to in VA, but it was so "out there" that I have to tell someone.

I went to the funeral of an aunt I've never actually met. At least I don't remember I might have been a baby when she last saw me. Well we got through the service without anything major happening and everything was running smoothly. You know how there's just some family members that you've never met before and you really wish it would have stayed that way? I met my late mother's youngest sister after the service and dear God I wanted to run for the hills!!! Not only did she smell like Malt Liquor and cigarettes but she was wearing a red halter and a black mini...to a FUNERAL!!! If it wasn't so gross I would have laughed. I secretly wondered why I had never met her before, seeing as how I'm already 22. Well lo and behold this psycho got her 3rd strike and was in jail for over 10 years!!! WTF?! That was very strange for me. But not nearly as strange as being hit on after the funeral was over.

I was waiting for my family to say their hellos and goodbyes and I was waiting by the door. I had already gotten my quota for embarrassing hugs and questions from extended family that I have no intention of contacting ever again. I saw a woman looking at me and did that whole polite smile and head nod "thing" to say hey. I thought that would be the end of it so I just continued to stare into space and wait to get the hell up outta there. I looked again and this woman was still looking at me. I mean looking at me...up and down kinda stuff. Normally I would have been flattered, but she looked a hot awful mess and I really wasn't going to have ANY of that business. So out of no where I guess she mustered the courage to come and talk to me. Sounding just about as ghetto as they come she said something to the effect of: "Damn you're cute girl. And tall too? Damn!!!" Ok first of all EWWWWWWW!!!!!! She basically corners me near the front door and says this no more than a few inches from my face which was difficult enough for her since I was about 7 inches taller than her. Secondly she's gotta be around 45. Mind you I don't discriminate when it comes to age. I already told Stockard she's hot and so is Danmag...so whatever. But this broad looked like she had been ridden hard and put away wet!!!! So nasty. I have a rule about being in someone's personal space...I just don't do it, and I expect for others to respect my boundaries as well but she obviously didn't get the memo. In her defense how ever I did look kinda cute with my pumps and skirt, but jeez back the hell up off me WOMAN!!! I'm deliberately ignoring her even though she's so close she can damn near read my thoughts. I was shifting uncomfortably because I was still in the corner. Down the hallway I heard someone coming and calling my name. Now this Licentious Lez who had me pinned looked really confused for a minute but I didn't care. She heard my name being called again and backed away, which I was grateful for. The woman who had been calling me came and hugged me to say goodbye. I had just met her that day and found out that she was one of my mom's best friends in high school. Now mind you the "In My Personal Bubble" woman just stood there with her mouth a little slack and kept repeating my name under her breath like she was trying to figure out who I was. I thought she'd blown a gasket because she sounded like a CD skipping. Then I heard this crazy gasp from her and she said: "Oh my God, you're Steph's daughter S----a?!" I was a little annoyed and exasperated and said yeah. And then she said something that made my skin crawl. "I'm Vi, your mom's cousin...so that makes me your cousin!!!! Girl I haven't seen you in forever, since you were in diapers. And you sure have 'grown' up." And she stressed "grown up". What the F*CKETY F*CK!!!!???

Ok people, now I don't know if you caught all that but let's recap shall we? (1) I'm at a funeral. (2) I'm being slobbered over by a rough looking lesbian like a T-bone steak at a damn funeral. (3) I find out that said rough looking lesbian is my much older cousin!!!

As of this moment in time, that has to be the creepiest, most disturbing and disgusting thing that's happened to me thus far in my life. I doubt I'll be going to a family reunion anytime soon.

ICK!!!!!!!!

Updated On: 7/16/09 at 11:07 PM

[Pianolin717]

Posted: 7/16/09 at 11:28pm

Tofu... one word... three syllables.... cuuuuu reeeeeee peeeeeeeeeeee
That is SO creepy you have no idea! (Actually, you DO have an idea lol)
SO glad for you that it's over with
and I'm sorry for the loss :/

[mauriposa]

Posted: 7/17/09 at 12:24am

Yikes, Tofu! When it rains, it pours, huh? At least you got a story out of it.

[StockardFan]

Posted: 7/17/09 at 12:47am

tofu, I am in my husband's office and Henry is sleeping in the room over and I am DYING lmfao trying not to wake him up.

[shh282]

Posted: 7/17/09 at 1:02am

my god, Tofu that one takes the cake in the creepster relative hall of fame.

[justagirl2]

Posted: 7/17/09 at 2:06am

Oh, tofu. Ohhhhh, tofu. So funny and yet so wrong!

[danmag]

Posted: 7/17/09 at 7:26am

I will say this yet again. Tofu, you should be a writer. Dead serious. GET ON THAT!

The middle aged creeper lesbian cousin?? Come on! That's GOLD!

And LOVE the av, Shh!

[blondebaby589]

Posted: 7/17/09 at 7:48am

I have to second danmag. Write write write Tofu!

[danmag]

Posted: 7/17/09 at 7:53am

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PIANO!!!! xoxo

[blondebaby589]

Posted: 7/17/09 at 8:04am

Ahhh Happy Birthday!! What's the age now? Legal?

[StockardFan]

Posted: 7/17/09 at 8:10am

To Piano:

[blondebaby589]

Posted: 7/17/09 at 9:00am

I don't have a show tonight because the theater is doing a drag night, and I have no clue what to do with myself LOL it's been forever since I haven't had performances on weekends! I'd go see the drag show but 1)I'd like to spend some time away from the theater since it owns my soul until mid-October, and 2)Tickets are $40 and there aren't actor discounts. If I want to watch some queens dance around, I'll go hang out with my friends in the Gayborhood.

[shh282]

Posted: 7/17/09 at 9:06am

thank you danmag - i must say yours is quite ravishing

happy birthday Piano!

[lusciouslace]

Posted: 7/17/09 at 10:05am

Piano- Happpppppy birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stock- Wow, I'm sorry you have to deal with all that. I hope Chris can come home soon! Who would have thought this would keep him in the hospital for so long. Boo!

Tofu- A) Wow....wow. That's quite a story. I'm so glad you decided to share it! Sorry you had to deal with it, but it's pretty funny! B)In reference, to my stories with the chick...oh girl I don't even know where to begin. Haha...I think it's a long story, so to spare the others I'll PM you.

There may or may not be some video of me singing last night surfacing at some point today. I'm not sure if I'll like it enough to share, but if I do I'll post it. I know a couple of you asked me to record it last time. Haha...we'll see. You know how we all are so much more critical of ourselves...especially hearing or watching ourselves.

[blondebaby589]

Posted: 7/17/09 at 10:07am

Put up the videos L!!!

[killertofu333]

Posted: 7/17/09 at 10:33am

Piano, it's your birthday?! Well I got you a present...



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TADA!!!!!



He's in the trunk of your car and unconscious, and he's a bit cold and "drippy" so get him a towel please. Happy Birthday!!!!!

L, I wanna hear ALL the lesbionic details girl!!!

[Pianolin717]

Posted: 7/17/09 at 11:03am

Thanks everyone!

and TOFU! THAT IS THE BEST PRESENT EVER! *drools*

[clever name]

Posted: 7/17/09 at 12:09pm

Piano, Happy Birthday!! Will you share your present, please?

ssh, love the avitar!

Stockard, that story scared me. That is the lsat thing you need right now!!

ll, we demand that video!!!

tofu,tofu,tofu...if you don't publish these stories, I will.
Updated On: 7/17/09 at 12:09 PM