It never stops hurting...- Page 2

[Rose_MacShane]

Posted: 7/11/05 at 1:21pm

As the saying around my house goes: I hate f***ing people.

[morosco]

Posted: 7/11/05 at 1:22pm

It sucks that someone called you that. It also sucks that you have a supervisor who is clueless on how serious an issue this can be. Do you have a human resources department that might be a little more knowledgable abou how to handle things like this?

[BobbyBubby]

Posted: 7/11/05 at 1:23pm

Since it wasn't someone I work with I'm not that worried about it. Our HR dept is in another state, so it's too much energy to deal with. I'll seek my own personal revenge I"m sure. Hehe.

[Unknown User]

Posted: 7/11/05 at 1:28pm

I'm going to risk opening a can of worms here.

But first, I hope that what little reputation I have here makes it clear that I deplore this type of human interaction, and find it reprehensible.

That being said, I am curious about something.

As I'm reading the situation, Bobby was dealing with the disembodied voice of someone he didn't know. The connection between them was merely the shared background with whatever government organization they deal with. He was treated abhorantly, had a very understandable reaction of hurt to the words used, and came here to vent.

What I'm seeing is rational response, and a fair amount of attempted bolstering for Bobby.

Now, I have read numerous instances in the past on this board when people have decried some negativity, and begged for people to understand that words alone can hurt. The response has invariably been swift and furious, basically stating that that's just the way the world is and anyone who has a problem with words thrown anonymously needs to get a thicker skin/get a set of realistic priorities/grow up/whatever.

I really am curious as to why the two different reactions.

What I'm sensing is a bit of the 'defense of the pride' scenario (referencing lions, not flag waving.)

[melissa errico fan]

Posted: 7/11/05 at 1:28pm

Bobby, I am SO sorry that there are still assholes like that in the world and that you had to deal with one.

[ChiChi]

Posted: 7/11/05 at 1:30pm

DGRANT: I was just thinking the same thing while reading the board.

BOBBY: I had the same type of thing happen to me when I was 18 and it really bothered me. I probably still would.

[One Song Glory]

Posted: 7/11/05 at 1:32pm

Ouch, words can hurt a lot. I wish there weren't people like that.

[BobbyBubby]

Posted: 7/11/05 at 1:33pm

IT will bother me. It bothers me also, that everytime I stick up for myself and people get pissed at me, they throw Faggot at me. Like that's their backup.

Dgrant, I understand where you're coming from I think. For me right now, I'm teetering on rational and irrational thought. The rational is winning though.

[Unknown User]

Posted: 7/11/05 at 1:37pm

Bobby - Not that I think you're not understanding, but I specifically want to make sure I'm being clear to you - I HATE what was said to you, and it makes me almost physically sick that you or anyone else has to deal with dituations like that. I really want to make sure you know I feel that way, and that you have my empathetic support completely.

My question is simply about the reaction of others to this situation, as compared to other situations dealing with this board that I feel are similar - that is all.

[BobbyBubby]

Posted: 7/11/05 at 1:39pm

I think that for a lot of people, anger is the first honest response.

[redhotinnyc2]

Posted: 7/11/05 at 1:45pm

But angry words do not need to be unleashed on anyone. That anger can be dealt with inwardly and worked out, without people bitterly shooting horrible remarks at others. I'm with DGrant on that one.

[TheatreDiva90016]

Posted: 7/11/05 at 1:53pm

Bobby, I hate to say this, but you lisp.....

[BobbyBubby]

Posted: 7/11/05 at 1:54pm

What?

[Plum]

Posted: 7/11/05 at 1:55pm

DG- Words like "fag," "n*," and "kike"- the words of bigotry- carry a special kind of hurt because of the history and intent behind them.

Call me stupid and I'll laugh in your face. Call me ugly and I might be hurt for a day. But call me a "Zionist oppressor" and I'll want to throw up. Because words like that aren't just personal insults; they're threats. It isn't just someone putting me down, it's concentration camps and burning crosses and thousands of years of my ancestors of being chased and ghettoized and treated worse than dogs. It's being told, "No, no progress has been made. You think you're safe and you think you're living in enlightened times but you're wrong. We can persecute you and hurt you and kill you and no one will care because you don't belong here. You're not a real person; you're a Jew."

And when that happens to me, that's how I feel for ten minutes afterwards- nauseous, hands trembling, wanting to scream. Call me "stupid" and on a good day I'll have a semi-witty comback. Call me "kike" and a comeback isn't even part of the equation- I can barely talk, let alone respond. Maybe (okay, probably) I'm over-sensitive, paranoid, and neurotic, but it doesn't come from nothing. Not all hurtful words are created equal.


*goes back to the bliss of lurking* Updated On: 7/11/05 at 01:55 PM

[TheatreDiva90016]

Posted: 7/11/05 at 1:56pm

That's how he knew on the phone... You're a big ol lisper!

Updated On: 7/11/05 at 01:56 PM

[Justice]

Posted: 7/11/05 at 1:57pm

Maybe he was a faggot to, cuz you know the rule: Only faggot's can call faggot's faggot.

[Unknown User]

Posted: 7/11/05 at 1:57pm

They'll sing a different tune when they get their ass kicked by a faggot. Trust.

[BobbyBubby]

Posted: 7/11/05 at 1:59pm

What bothered me most was that he was black. He'd never want someone to treat him like that because he is black. So what makes it fair for him to treat another minority that way?
Updated On: 7/11/05 at 01:59 PM

[TheatreDiva90016]

Posted: 7/11/05 at 2:00pm

Nothing's more embarassing than having your ass kicked by a drag queen...

[Unknown User]

Posted: 7/11/05 at 2:02pm

Plum - I absolutely agree with what you said. But the thing that occurs to me is that, like beauty, it's pretty much in the eye of the beholder. And I've always been intrigued by someone getting ridiculed because they said they had been hurt by something someone said. Even though many times I think there's over-reaction involved, a sypathetic interchange would seem more appropriate than jumping down their throat and calling them a baby for their over-sensitivity.

[Plum]

Posted: 7/11/05 at 2:03pm

Can't disagree with you there.

Okay, now I'm going back to lurking.

[Unknown User]

Posted: 7/11/05 at 2:04pm

I would've called him a n* just to piss him off.

[BobbyBubby]

Posted: 7/11/05 at 2:05pm

I wouldn't lower myself to that level.

[Unknown User]

Posted: 7/11/05 at 2:22pm

Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire, kiddo.

[BobbyBubby]

Posted: 7/11/05 at 2:23pm

And sometimes you have to rise above and not cement people's homophobia by saying things that will just make them look at homosexuals in a more negative light than they already do.