MONDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
MONDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
#0MONDAY MORNING CHUCKLE
Posted: 2/7/05 at 5:29am
A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking
company's fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde.
"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'" asked the lawyer.
Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the..."
"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question? Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?
Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road...."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud.
Please tell him to simply answer the question.
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie."
Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in
terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a
Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun in hand, looked at me, and said "How are you feeling?"
"Now what the hell would you say?"
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Marquise
Broadway Legend Joined: 6/1/04
#3and another:
Posted: 2/7/05 at 8:59am
"February 2 was Groundhog Day and the State of the Union Address.
As Air America Radio pointed out, it is an ironic juxtaposition: one involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a creature of little intelligence for prognostication and the other involves a groundhog."
"I don't really get the ending,all i can go with is when after several months,Judith saw Pat sang,and later she kissed him on the toilet,after that the story back to where Pat went down from the stage after he'd sung,and he went to the italian lady.I just don't get it,what Judith exatcly meant when he kissed Pat that she had seen,and did Pat end up together with The Italian Lady?Please help me,thank u very much!"
Quote from someone on IMDB in reference to a movie he/she didn't understand. Such grammar!
#4and yet, another:
Posted: 2/7/05 at 9:10am
New Drugs for Women
D A M N I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.
ST. M O M M A'S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers
unconscious for up to two days.
E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding
you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait
till they moved out.
P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an
evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents
conception.
D U M B E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in!
enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.
F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and
the urge to flip off other drivers.
M E N I C I L L I N
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal
lines as, "You make me want to be a better person ..Can we get naked now?.
BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping Increases potency, duration,
and credit limit of spending spree.
J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday,
anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.
A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share
their life stories with total strangers in elevators.
"I don't really get the ending,all i can go with is when after several months,Judith saw Pat sang,and later she kissed him on the toilet,after that the story back to where Pat went down from the stage after he'd sung,and he went to the italian lady.I just don't get it,what Judith exatcly meant when he kissed Pat that she had seen,and did Pat end up together with The Italian Lady?Please help me,thank u very much!"
Quote from someone on IMDB in reference to a movie he/she didn't understand. Such grammar!
laactress
Broadway Legend Joined: 9/7/04
#5and yet, another:
Posted: 2/7/05 at 11:18amLMAO!
It started with a sipmle idea, collecting one paper clip for every life lost, the feelings that connect us...are greater than those that divide us!
#6and yet, another:
Posted: 2/7/05 at 12:45pmBB, redhot... I love you guys! LOL
"All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism -- it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."
Conan O'Brien
#7and yet, another:
Posted: 2/7/05 at 5:53pmahaha That's great!
"Chicago is it's own incredible theater town right there smack down in the middle of the heartland. What a great city! I can see why Oprah likes to live there!" - Dee Hoty :-D
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