Missouri man arrested at hospital for refusing to leave gay partner- Page 4

[JerseyGirl2]

Posted: 4/13/13 at 4:13am

It sounds like this guy's health is horrible. Is it possible that his family, concerned for his health, genuinely thought his husband wasn't caring for him properly? The daughter said they don't fully understand his medical needs. Maybe that was the reason the police were called. They said they had just learned of the upcoming trip days before. Maybe that was some sort of straw that broke the camel's back.

Just trying to figure out why they called the police in the first place.

[SeanMartin]

Posted: 4/13/13 at 4:47am

No, it's not a Sphinx-like mystery, but I'd call it as more a Chekhov play than a Fox hour-long drama. Billis is right in that we simply do not know enough about the relationships here or the situation itself to start screaming that this is some clear cut case of homophobia. Going to a hospital ER is not the same as a day at the spa: hospitals, in any large city, are chaotic places where the staff doesnt have sufficient time to make reasoned decisions and sometimes have to act based on instinct in order to just get the damn job done.

(And I'm going to insert here that the former hospital staff member who described them as fags really needs to be bitch-slapped a few hundred times... but she is a former employee of the facility, and I'm quite sure that good ol' Fox News did its level best to find the most controversial spokesperson it could to comment on this... and succeeded.)

I know we all want to believe that "our people" can do no wrong, but I'm simply going to quietly remind everyone here about (1) the gay man in Idaho who busted himself up and then claimed he was fag-bashed and (2) the lesbian couple in Texas who claimed neighbours painted epithets on their house — when it turned out they themselves had done it. Now, before you jump into Assumption Land, NO, I am not saying the husband is some duplicous villain who's trying to con everyone. What I am saying is that this appears to have been a very stressful moment for everyone involved, whether family or spouse or hospital or police, made all the more so by the brother and the husband screaming at each other over the patient's bed.

Did the hospital screw up? Im going out on a limb here and say no. There are hundreds of people in there seeking care, and you have two people fighting in the hallway, screaming at each other at the top of their lungs, while there are sick and dying folk all around them. What do you suggest the hospital do?

Did the brother get arrested? No, because he was, God help us, smart enough to know when to back off and let the husband take the fall.

Did the brother orchestrate it? No, but I do think he did take advantage of the moment to assert what he thinks is his power over the couple. And unfortunately, the husband played right into it. Instead of stopping and thinking a bit, he just rushed headlong into the very place the brother wanted him to go... which, forgive me for saying so, was incomprehensibly stupid on his part. Billis is right: folks dont tend to think rationally when it has to do with a loved one in a hospital bed. The husband was most certainly protecting him as well as defending their relationship... and I do not blame him for doing so. But he simply went about it the wrong way, and we cannot forget that, gang. I dont think the hospital or the police would have done anything any differently had it been a hysterical wife and an adversarial family, and that's the bottom line.

So let's not let some interview from a former employee who probably got sacked for her "I can talk any way I want!" attitude suddenly hold sway, when there's no need for it to. She's irrelevant, and her words carry about as much weight as Fox asking a Klansman what he thikns of the Obamas taking a vacation in the Bahamas. As for the situaiton itself, let's focus more energy on the guy in the bed. The rest will sort itself out in its own good time.

Updated On: 4/13/13 at 04:47 AM

[JerseyGirl2]

Posted: 4/13/13 at 5:52am

I think that woman is a current employee, as she said, "I can say anything I want when I am not at work... it's called free speech," or something to that effect.

[SeanMartin]

Posted: 4/13/13 at 6:54am

Per the link about her above: "A former employee of Research Medical Center"

[JerseyGirl2]

Posted: 4/13/13 at 7:55am

Ohhh, she's currently working for a different hospital.

[ErikJ972]

Posted: 4/13/13 at 8:26am

The hospital she works for now is under the same parent company as the hospital where this happened.
Sean I think the point your missing is if marriage equality was the law of he land this never would have happened. It sounds like there was a dispute between his spouse and family at the house if he needed to be hospitalized. If this were a heterosexual married couple the responding unit would have followed the wishes of the spouse. At most they would have asked for proof that the husband was receiving treatment if there was any concern. But since this couple was gay the spouse's wishes were ignored from the very beginning. Which is awful.
The fact that the hospital keeps changing story doesn't look good either.

[ErikJ972]

Posted: 4/13/13 at 8:34am

Also Fox News did not "find" that woman. She commented on the story on Facebook several times. And she is a current employee of the company that owns the hospital.

[SeanMartin]

Posted: 4/13/13 at 8:59am

>> if marriage equality was the law of he land this never would have happened

Of course it would have. If someone is getting in the way of proper patient care, they have to be removed from the scene. Period. End of story. If they are being disruptive, the gender doesnt matter. Period. End of story.

C'mon, let's think this through, huh? If it were a distraught wife instead of a husband, do you seriously think the hospital would allow her to get in the way of the medical stuff doing its job? No, they wouldnt. This is not about marriage equality save in the most superficial of ways — and I say that as one who is a *huge* believer in marriage equality. But if I were a doctor or an attending nurse in that room, you can bet I'd be calling security if the situation was impacting my ability to do my job.

[SeanMartin]

Posted: 4/13/13 at 9:01am

>> She commented on the story on Facebook several times.

And countless others have commented on FB as well. But which one did Fox choose to publicize?

[ErikJ972]

Posted: 4/13/13 at 9:09am

If it was a woman they wouldn't have been at the hospital in the first place!

And it wasn't Fox News that originally publicized it.

[SeanMartin]

Posted: 4/13/13 at 9:21am

>> If it was a woman they wouldn't have been at the hospital in the first place

Huh? Erik, forgive me, but that doesnt make any sense at all. Are you saying that in-laws never get in the way of a heterosexual marriage if they disapprove of the spouse in question?

Had it been a wife instead of a husband and if the family had some kind of agenda against her which turned into a full-blast screaming match in the room, the scene would no doubt unfolded exactly the same way.

[ErikJ972]

Posted: 4/13/13 at 9:33am

There was a dispute in the home before they ever got to the hospital. The family wanted him hospitalized the spouse did not. I'm a clinical social worker and I used to work weekends on a hospitals mobile crisis unit. I can tell you without question in a situation like this the responding team would listen to the spouse. The hierarchy goes:
Patient
Spouse
Adult Children
Immediate Family
That's why I say if this were a heterosexual married couple they never would have even been at the hospital in the first place. Because the responding team would have respected the wishes of the spouse, not the family. Especially if this were a mental health issue and the person in question was already receiving treatment. It would be a no brainer.
This spouse was not listened to from the very beginning. The blame starts with the unit that originally responded to the home.

[Phyllis Rogers Stone]

Posted: 4/13/13 at 1:54pm

The blame starts with the unit that originally responded to the home.

Except on BWW, where it seems to start with the gay guys.

[JerseyGirl2]

Posted: 4/13/13 at 2:02pm

There was a dispute in the home before they ever got to the hospital. The family wanted him hospitalized the spouse did not. I'm a clinical social worker and I used to work weekends on a hospitals mobile crisis unit. I can tell you without question in a situation like this the responding team would listen to the spouse.

The spouse was not home. He was at work. His daughter was with his husband. He met them later at the hospital.

[Phyllis Rogers Stone]

Posted: 4/13/13 at 2:42pm

Maybe the daughter's lying, but she said in her blog that the other man specifically did not want his family involved in his medical care.

[TheatreDiva90016]

Posted: 4/13/13 at 5:43pm

Yes, in everything I've read, the patient did not want his family involved. They come across as nosy,, busy-bodies who get themselves involved even when asked not to.

Are they living in the same area? I couldn't tell why they would be at the couples home at all. Except to meddle. Did they just appear after they found out about the vacation? Which is, again, is none of their business.

[StockardFan]

Posted: 4/13/13 at 9:51pm

I have no idea why they were there in the first place either.

[PalJoey]

Posted: 4/14/13 at 8:10am

This is not about marriage equality save in the most superficial of ways

And yet, it's often just those things that seem unimportant to the unimaginative that, in the end, become symbols to a great many of a greater injustice.

Whatever the truth is behind the story, this will be remembered at the time that a man in a gay marriage was arrested in the hospital room of his husband. And people will only either be for him or against him.

The facts, if the ever come out, will be forgotten. The symbolism will endure. And the injustice will effect change.