Once a cheater, always a cheater ?- Page 2
Once a cheater, always a cheater ?
#27re: Once a cheater, always a cheater ?
Posted: 7/6/07 at 6:51pm
"I understand your point, Elphaba, but what you're saying is that one mistake will take away all trust you have on the person forever, and that makes no sense."
wrong, it makes total sense. No trust, no relationship. I deserve better and won't accept less, and in my opinion, anyone who does, needs to start by loving themself before they try to love anyone else.
blaxx
Broadway Legend Joined: 6/28/05
#28re: Once a cheater, always a cheater ?
Posted: 7/6/07 at 7:32pm
Funny, I think that people who are totally closed minded to the idea of compassion and forgiveness are the ones who will always be too insecure to love another person.
Believe me, the clock is ticking for you to make your life's royal mistake...then you'll know what we're talking about.
#29re: Once a cheater, always a cheater ?
Posted: 7/6/07 at 7:42pm
please.......let me know when the shuttle lands.
I am one of the most forgiving and compassionate people around, but not when it comes to cheating. That is a deal-breaker.
Oh, and I'll make sure to inform my partner of almost 10 years that, according to you, I don't love him... I am sure he'll feel enlightened to know that.
I am guessing one of two things, either you are very young, or you have cheated........probably both, and probably more than once.
If you think so little of yourself that you do not understand that trust is the basis of any relationship, then abandon all hope.
blaxx
Broadway Legend Joined: 6/28/05
#30re: Once a cheater, always a cheater ?
Posted: 7/6/07 at 7:44pmI wish you the best, love :)
#31re: Once a cheater, always a cheater ?
Posted: 7/6/07 at 7:56pm
"I used to think EXACTLY the same way, and I could've swore to my grave to never ever do something like that. But I did.
And now, the only thing I wouldn't forgive is not trusting someone who has honestly learned and repented from a mistake."
Of course it's different NOW. Now you're the betrayer! You've seen the light! Funny how the person seeking forgiveness always finds this deep understanding of the injustice of not being given a second chance.
Not to judge you personally, just the idea. Some people have no problem accepting open relationships or second chances. More power to 'em, I say. Others feel differently about it.
I take my commitment to monogamy very seriously. If my partner cheated on me, he would be gone faster than you can light a match with your toes. He may want a second chance. Not on my watch, baby. Life's short; gotta move on. I live by the old adage: The definition of insanity is repeating the same actions, expecting different results. I've seen too many people's lives destroyed being stuck in destructive relationships that they just can't see.
And if the tables were turned and I was caught cheating, I'm sure, like you, I will feel that a great injustice is being done when he boots my ass. But that's life. You break it, you take it.
What I'm really trying to say is that the world is full of all kinds of people with all kinds of ideas of what makes an acceptable relationship to them. Why try to convince everybody that they should live by your standards? That second chances for everybody is the way to go.
#32re: Once a cheater, always a cheater ?
Posted: 7/6/07 at 8:07pm
"Not to judge you personally, just the idea. Some people have no problem accepting open relationships or second chances."
I certainly hope you are not even infering these two things are alike. There is a vast difference in an open relationship and one where people cheat. So I'm really not sure why you tied these two together.
also on the one hand you say "the boot" and on the other you say "forgive"
I don't see anyone sitting on the fence on this one
blaxx
Broadway Legend Joined: 6/28/05
#34re: Once a cheater, always a cheater ?
Posted: 7/6/07 at 9:42pm
Of course I know every action has a consequence - I lost him, didn't I? I'm paying for it.
And no, I'm not trying to convince Elphaba to change her point of view. I agree, you're right, it is now that I can see things in a different perspective.
What I'm trying to do is to invite others to open their minds a bit from those set-ways of thinking they have. Instead of thinking "If they did this to me, then I would..." what about "Why would they do this" "What if I commit a mistake..." "What drives people to do something like this and why" This might not change where you stand, but at least it might make the situation a bit less black and white.
After my break up, looking for support, I found the news of a middle-eastern woman who was caught in adultery.
She was being stoned to death, as slowly and painfully as possible for her actions. My suffering was offered to her, who lives in a society this extreme, really having a partner leave you and learn from the mistake was nothing compared to that.
#35re: Once a cheater, always a cheater ?
Posted: 7/6/07 at 9:59pm
Sean, there are people who can deal with open relationships, I refer to to it as cheating, and there are those who cannot. Many people insist on monogamous relationships and I'm one of them. Each to his own here.
As far as the leopard changing his spots, I have to agree with the tenet that it rarely happens. I'm not saying it can't, but I wouldn't count on it. Liverpool had it right, and didn't butcher the word recitivism-it's sky high.
My father cheated on my mother with every woman in town. He even got one of my mother's friends pregnant. What a bon vivant he was! Then he married one of them, and cheated on her (with a woman much older, LOL). I laugh because I'm not a fan of his wife.
#36re: Once a cheater, always a cheater ?
Posted: 7/6/07 at 10:02pm
"What I'm trying to do is to invite others to open their minds a bit from those set-ways of thinking they have. Instead of thinking "If they did this to me, then I would..." what about "Why would they do this" "What if I commit a mistake..." "What drives people to do something like this and why" This might not change where you stand, but at least it might make the situation a bit less black and white. "
Agreed on all counts. I hope I'm not coming accross as holier than thou in this. I really do understand that you make your choices and I make mine and one isn't better than the other, just different.
And, in reality, I can't read the future and no one really knows how they will react until they are actually in a given situation.
#37re: Once a cheater, always a cheater ?
Posted: 7/6/07 at 11:02pmOnce a record is cut, why do you expect a different song when its played?
blaxx
Broadway Legend Joined: 6/28/05
#38re: Once a cheater, always a cheater ?
Posted: 7/6/07 at 11:21pmExactly! If only human beings could change, sadly that is not possible. We will always be the same way forever - like in the cartoons, right? Oh no wait, I've seen cartoons change for the better, how strange...
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