Serious discussion-Becoming someone else~

Sometimes it takes a wake up call to make you realize how you are behaving and the impression it leaves upon others.

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I think you can work on the outward manifestations of your personality, but there are certain internal traits that remain fundamental to our 'being'.

I'm very much of an introvert, but I can put on a great face and be terribly extroverted when the occasion calls for it. The difference is that it takes so much psychic energy for me to work that hard at being outgoing, that I'm exhausted by the experience.

Myers-Briggs typology (a study of personality styles) theorizes that we all have our dominant styles and the lesser-developed show sides of our personality. It's a left-hand/right-hand type of deal. If you are right handed, you rely on that dominant hand constantly, but that doesn't mean that you can't/don't/won't use your less developed left hand as well.

Then there's SOMMS's theory............

obviously he likes working where he does and realized the only way to stay was make some changes. I applaud him, this is not easy to do!

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Exactly-where there's a will there's a way. I applaud him also. I assume he's happy this new way because he's stayed that way for so long.

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Good point, Calvin, and one I was about to bring up. What if by changing certain things about yourself will please others in general, but will be a stretch for you? Should you do it, or remain true to yourself while possibly alienating, disappointing, or offending others?

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I'm going to put a little different spin on the discussion... Yesterday's thread made me think about how our vision of who we are or who we want to be is often different from reality. And I was also thinking about how sometimes being able to embrace the reality of who we are and be comfortable with it is often very liberating.

Example: There is a part of me who has always wanted to be "superwoman"...a respected professional, a great mom and wife, a wonderful and organized homemaker, physically fit, fashionable, a gourmet cook... The truth is, I'm a fairly mediocre and not-so-organized homemaker, I don't like to cook, I'm a few pounds and a lot of exercise past physically fit, and my fashion sense is not much different than it was thirty years ago. The good news is that I think I am good at my profession, I raised two terrific kids, and my husband seems happy... But the rest of the image just isn't likely to ever happen... Well, maybe the physically fit part, if I turn off the damn computer and haul my *ss over to the gym for a while instead of posting....but you get the general drift.

I used to do the same thing to myself about holidays...I had a two dimensional vision of what Halloween, Christmas, Thanksgiving et al should be, but that never really works out very well in a three dimensional world. I've found that I am much happier now that I've been able to let go of some of my unrealistic expectations of myself and life in general.

I'm not sure if this is going to make sense to anyone but me, but I'm going to toss it out there without any more editing.

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Iflit, that makes perfect sense.

Here's something else to ponder. How do we know if someone has really changed or if they're just putting on an act, because they think that's what people want from them?

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flit, i never thought you were superwoman. she's like not even a decent hero, anyway. but wonderwoman? i totally buy you in the invisible plane with the bracelets.

i think people can change. it's hard and they have to really want to, but if they make the decision to change, they can. whether that is good or not? i guess if they are making a change that positively affects their life, how could it not be? i think that so much of behavior is learned that if someone picked up harmful habits along the way and later in life made strides to change those habits for healthier (emotionally or physically) ones, how would that harm the person? true, they might not be the person that people have come to know and accept, but if the person that they become is healthier, isn't it then more benficial for that person to make those changes? i mean it's hard for us to look into a person and see what such changes might be doing for them on the inside.

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"Change can be encouraged and discouraged. But, courage to change is internal."

That's pretty profound.

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I really believe a person can change - for the better and realistically. I don't think you can change overnight, or force the change.

I am a changing person... I actually prefer to call it 'growing.' I was in an 11-year relationship where I wasn't myself, and have spent way too long in my life doing things to please others, not necessarily paying attention to what's important for me - a side effect of growing up in an alcoholic/latin/catholic/yadda yadda yadda family. I have spent the past 3 years working on changing bad habits, developing new ones, and anyone who has known me longer than 3 years can attest to the fact that I am a different person.

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For me it's not only the end of the relationship, though. That was the catalyst that started me on the path I'm now. It's been a lot of work trying to alter behaviours of mine that weren't healthy, and I'm struggle with that on a regular basis. It does get easier, though, and eventually I hope effortless.

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DD, the person in my first post changed overnight. Drastically. that's why I doubted it. However, I mentioned he's still like that 7 months later. I'll never know if he's faking it or if it's real, and how he feels inside.

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