Social Advice Needed.
Social Advice Needed.
winston89
Broadway Legend Joined: 6/18/06
#1Social Advice Needed.
Posted: 1/9/14 at 10:13pm
I just sent a good friend of mine a text. She didn't respond, but her new boyfriend did stating that she was bogged down in school work, didn't want to get sidetracked on her phone, so she asked him to hold it. I know she's addicted to her Iphone, so her doing that didn't surprise me. What did however, was that her new boyfriend basically told me to stop texting her because she's busy. But the tone of the message gave the impression that he meant stop texting her period rather than wait till tomorrow because she's busy tonight. So, I went on to Facebook to shoot her a message. Stupid me, I realized. She has the Facebook app on her phone and the boyfriend had the phone. Once he saw my message, he blocked me. While I could email her, I feel that doing so now is a crapshoot. I honestly feel at this point, her getting my email is a fifty fifty shot. I don't know who has the phone, him or her. I feel that if he has it, then she won't see the email because he would prevent her form doing so. This quickly went from wanting to ask her a quick question to me being concerned with the guy she's seeing. A new feeling with regards to her, since she usually has a good judge of character. For the record, the relationship between me and her has been 100 per cent platonic over the years and she feels more like a sister to me.
There are two things that are bothering me. First off, this guys is new to the picture. As such, who the hell is he to prevent me from talking to someone that's been a good friend of mine since what seems like forever? And, I am a little concerned because I feel that this kind of behaving says more about her boyfriend (in a negative context) than it does her or me. Why should his shortcomings get in the way of me and my friend. How should I deal with this situation?
"If you try to shag my husband while I am still alive, I will shove the art of motorcycle maintenance up your rancid little Cu**. That's a good dear"
Tom Stoppard's Rock N Roll
#2Social Advice Needed.
Posted: 1/10/14 at 1:27pmEither try to catch her in person and ask her or just email and wait it out. Not much else you can do without interfering in someone else's relationship, especially if you don't have all the facts and might be making some assumptions.
"What can you expect from a bunch of seitan worshippers?" - Reginald Tresilian
NYadgal
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/18/04
#2Social Advice Needed.
Posted: 1/10/14 at 1:44pm
Send a card. A good old-fashioned card. Just saying hi and 'let's get together'. Unless he has a key to her mailbox, she should receive it.
It does sound odd. This new boyfriend seems to have a lot of control.
(I'd last about 10 seconds with someone like that...)
But, as MM said, you never know.
"Two drifters off to see the world. There's such a lot of world to see. . ."
Liza's Headband
Broadway Legend Joined: 5/28/13
#3Social Advice Needed.
Posted: 1/10/14 at 1:53pm“Don’t build roadblocks out of assumptions.” -Lorii Myers
#4Social Advice Needed.
Posted: 1/10/14 at 3:27pm
Whatever you do, don't interact with the new bf. Even if you have to step away from your friend for a few days or a few months. But interacting with this controlling bf will backfire on you and give him something else to control in her life. If a card (as NYAdgal suggests) or a phone call can't get through, step back.
If you come to think her life or safety is in danger because of him, reach out to her family. Otherwise, the best thing you can do is be there for her when she comes to her senses. The worst thing you can do is give him the fight he is looking for.
Sutton Ross
Broadway Legend Joined: 7/20/13
#5Social Advice Needed.
Posted: 1/10/14 at 3:42pmThis isn't about him, he isn't your friend, and you don't want him in your life. You can't help insecure, controlling people like him. This is about the friendship between you and your female friend. If she is a true friend, and a good friend, she will connect with you. If she shuts all of her friends out, that is her issue to deal with when their relationship fails. A lot of women do this when they get a boyfriend, and it's really unfortunate. Wait for her to reach out, that's all you can do. It is what it is, it's not always fair.
#6Social Advice Needed.
Posted: 1/10/14 at 3:48pm
Wow, this guy went to the same insecure and control freak academy that my sister-in-law graduated magna cum laude from.
I agree that you need to not interact with her bf. You've got some excellent advice from Addy, Joey, Liza and Matt. I hope you get to reach her sooner than later.
#7Social Advice Needed.
Posted: 1/10/14 at 3:54pmWell, there's an outside chance that your friend didn't want to deal with you at the time (for whatever reason), and asked the boyfriend to do the dirty work. Just a thought.
<-----I'M TOTES ROLLING MY EYES
#8Social Advice Needed.
Posted: 1/10/14 at 5:14pmJane, that is exactly what I was thinking when I mentioned making assumptions. The bf could be doing this without her knowledge or under her instruction. She could be heavily influenced by the bf or simply flaking out. Or maybe she really is swamped with school and needs to focus.
"What can you expect from a bunch of seitan worshippers?" - Reginald Tresilian
#9Social Advice Needed.
Posted: 1/10/14 at 5:21pmShe either didn't want to talk to Winston, or she didn't want to talk to anyone. Either way, she handed the phone to her boyfriend to handle it. That is the only explanation that makes sense to me.
<-----I'M TOTES ROLLING MY EYES
#10Social Advice Needed.
Posted: 1/10/14 at 5:31pmIf that's a possibility, Winston, you should DEFINITELY step back for a while.
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