Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

[Parks]

Posted: 4/2/06 at 3:53pm

Anyone else find these little "Chuck Norris is God" type jokes?

Do you know any?

[spiderdj82]

Posted: 4/2/06 at 3:56pm

Wait, I'm confused

[Mr Roxy]

Posted: 4/2/06 at 4:04pm

Maybe Norris owns a pair of Superman Pajamas ?

[Parks]

Posted: 4/2/06 at 4:14pm

lol, it's new. People basically worshipping Chuck Norris (jokingly, of course).

Apparently not many people are familiar with this new trend.

[Allie]

Posted: 4/2/06 at 4:15pm

It's not that new, is it? There's a website out there with random Chuck Norris "facts". I happen to like the Vin Diesel "facts" better, though!

Found it! http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/
Updated On: 4/2/06 at 04:15 PM

[Link Larkin Wanabe]

Posted: 4/2/06 at 4:16pm

My favourites are:

Hellen Keller's favourite colour is Chuck Norris.

and

When Chuck Norris goes swimming, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris.

Akiva

[Allie]

Posted: 4/2/06 at 4:17pm

There is no chin under Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

[Katt]

Posted: 4/2/06 at 4:20pm

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting, because hunting implies failure. Updated On: 4/2/06 at 04:20 PM

[Allie]

Posted: 4/2/06 at 4:21pm

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting, Chuck Norris goes KILLING!

[Mr Roxy]

Posted: 4/2/06 at 4:23pm

His movie career was over & he was lucky when Walker Texas Ranger came along

Instead of Superman PJ's , maybe due to his advancing age, they may be Aquaman PJ's

[RachLaura]

Posted: 4/2/06 at 4:24pm

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter

Chuck Norris can dicide by zero

[Unknown User]

Posted: 4/2/06 at 4:42pm

You can make anything a Chuck Norris joke!! As long as your punch line is "I don't know ask Chuck Norris!"

Q: why did the man put his cash in the freezer?
A: I dont know ask Chuck norris! Updated On: 4/2/06 at 04:42 PM

[Lavieboheme3090]

Posted: 4/2/06 at 4:44pm

Chuck's tears can cure cancer...to bad he has never cried

[Link Larkin Wanabe]

Posted: 4/2/06 at 4:51pm

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead punched his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Before email was invented Chuck Norris would attach messages to kittens and roundhouse kick them. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway. Chuck Norris has yet to get a Jeopardy question wrong. Jesus has missed two. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya". Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane". If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris. At the end of each week, Chuck Norris murders a dozen white people just to prove he isn't a racist. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong, my friend. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living **** out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited. Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it. Chuck Norris only masterbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris carries a man bag. If you call it a purse, he pulls a baby out of the bag and throws it at you. The baby will blow up upon impact. God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris." Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a get out of jail free monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green number 4 card from the game Uno.


Akiva

[Parks]

Posted: 4/2/06 at 5:00pm

...didn't even bother to read that last one, Akiva. Sorry bud.

Glad some people are familiar with this. I was feeling preeeetty stupid.

[WesternSky2]

Posted: 4/2/06 at 5:56pm

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

[Musical_nerd]

Posted: 4/2/06 at 6:21pm

Chuck Norris doesn't breathe. The air hides in his lungs for protection.

[DramaDork925]

Posted: 4/2/06 at 6:34pm

The leading causes of death in America are 1. Heart disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer

[TheHumanTorch]

Posted: 4/2/06 at 9:29pm

i prefer Jack Bauer quotes... Jack Bauer's calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.

[Musical_nerd]

Posted: 4/2/06 at 9:49pm

If Jack Bauer misspells a word, the dictionary is wrong.

[Parks]

Posted: 4/2/06 at 10:01pm

Mary, I'm afraid you already used that for George Hearn. Sorry, darling.

I still love you, but I'm afraid Chuck Norris does not.

[Wicked_fan]

Posted: 4/2/06 at 11:40pm

haha, I love these. I also love the Vin Diesel ones...and...I believe there's another person they use but I can't remember at the moment.

Chuck Norris can count to infinity...TWICE.

[cabarethed]

Posted: 4/3/06 at 12:32am

Chuck Norris went to the Virgin Islands. They're now just the Islands.

There's also a shirt available now with about 15 Chuck Norris facts on it. Really funny.

[Musical_nerd]

Posted: 4/3/06 at 6:42am

Too bad, I couldn't think of any. Chuck Norris could.

[ZONEACE]

Posted: 4/3/06 at 6:49am

tee hee
Chuck Who?