Teen Sexuality and Dating (or Lack Thereof)

[StickToPriest]

Posted: 12/11/05 at 9:18pm

VERY interesting article on Teen dating and sexuality from The New York Times, ('Friends, Friends With Benefits and the Benefits of the Local Mall').
The most interesting quote to me is the one below.


"And while gay high-school boys frequently advertise that they 'don't do hookups' and are only looking for relationships, fewer straight teenagers make that claim -- and many make it clear that they're looking for anything but commitment.

'Straight teens have abandoned the rituals of dating, while gay teens have taken them on,' says Peter Ian Cummings, the editor of XY, a national magazine for young gay men. The Internet, Cummings says, has made it possible for heterosexual teenagers to act the way 'most of straight society assumes gay men act.'"


http://www.nytimes.com/2004/05/30/magazine/30NONDATING.html?pagewanted=1&ei=5070&en=20385602cff2564a&ex=1134450000

Updated On: 12/11/05 at 09:18 PM

[Parks]

Posted: 12/11/05 at 9:24pm

hahahahahaha, he said GAY!

[DramaDork925]

Posted: 12/11/05 at 9:50pm

This definetly makes me hate my generation even more.

Posted: 12/11/05 at 10:26pm

hmmm its kinda true. while i want a relationship really badly sometimes its just fun to hookup every now and then.

[understudygirl]

Posted: 12/12/05 at 1:53am

as a member of the generation being written about I find it extremely funny that analytical articles like this are being written

[orangeskittles]

Posted: 12/12/05 at 1:57am

"When he lived in Florida last year, he lost his virginity to a friend who threw a condom at him and ordered him to put it on. 'Down in Key West, high-school girls are crazy,' Adam said. 'Girls were making out with each other on the beach. Lesbians are cool!'"

His parents must be so proud.

[Plum]

Posted: 12/12/05 at 7:48am

But it kind of makes sense. I know I absolutely can't speak for everyone here, but I do know some gay people who really want those traditional, wholesome hetero rituals of monogamous dating, engagement, and marriage exactly because they've been kept out of that life. Straight people just take all those things for granted.

[Millie42]

Posted: 12/12/05 at 9:07am

I just love stories that begin with "Jesse wants to meet at Hooters."

[JailyardGuy]

Posted: 12/12/05 at 9:27am

...and if anybody would know about relations with teenage boys, it'd be Peter Ian Cummings.

[ckeaton]

Posted: 12/12/05 at 9:48am

Oh, snap.

[DG]

Posted: 12/12/05 at 9:55am

To quote a line from one of my favorite movies, PARTING GLANCES:

"Gay men in this town have become terribly Victorian."

[melissa errico fan]

Posted: 12/12/05 at 10:01am

Off-Topic:

I ****ing love PARTING GLANCES!

Back on topic:

I think that the younger gays today are coming out at younger ages, and want to disprove the (often false) stereotype that all gay people care about is sex, sex and more sex. At least that's what I've observed with the gay students that I have taught over the years (and I've had QUITE a few).

[RobbO]

Posted: 12/12/05 at 10:07am

jaily, how long did you and peter ian date?

[JailyardGuy]

Posted: 12/12/05 at 10:08am

2 months, when I was 20 and had just moved to San Francisco.

[RobbO]

Posted: 12/12/05 at 10:50am

so....it was a bad break-up then?

[JailyardGuy]

Posted: 12/12/05 at 10:53am

Not really. I'm just saying...his appetites for the considerably-younger-than-he are well-known

[RobbO]

Posted: 12/12/05 at 10:54am

so it was a may 1st - december 31st romance?

[VinnieMeatball]

Posted: 12/12/05 at 10:58am

Robb, I am surprised at you. You missed a perfect opportunity in this thread to make a joke about the ages of the people I date.

[RobbO]

Posted: 12/12/05 at 11:01am

it's not ALWAYS about YOU vinnie. mostly, but not always.

[Plum]

Posted: 12/12/05 at 11:30am

Crap, this is an old article. I knew I'd read something like it before.

[paradox_error]

Posted: 12/12/05 at 4:56pm

I think something, at least that is becoming obvious to me, important has happened in the collective gay mentality.

For so long we couldn't have what they have. Marriage was a dream, but one that could never seem like a reality. It never seemed like it could happen, so people developed the mentality of, "If I can't have what they have, I don't want what they have at all." So, we oversexed ourselves. We avoided commitment, and established ourselves in "open-relationships" or no relationships at all, just sex.

And yet, here we are in the 21st century, and same-sex marriage is legal in 4 countries, and regions of others.

Suddenly, we can have what they have. We don't need to fear not being accepted the way we used to. Things have moved extraordinarily in the past few years, and we are readily becoming an accepted part of the international community.

We can be married (in some places). And for those of that can't, there is the hope that in 5 years, or 10 years, this is going to spread to us.

And so, we now want to take what we have been fighting for. And young people are growing up without that despair that leads to the complete promiscuity, and are looking forward to marriage, and adoption, and growing old with that person they love.

And so we don't need to be promiscuous anymore. We can have that stable relationship.

And in the long run, it is going to be us that are the ideal representatives of the sanctity of marriage, something that, as a general rule, is being eroded away by the attitudes of the people that are fighting to preserve it.

I know plenty of young gay men looking for relationships, not sex.

And I think this is a group that is only going to increase with time.
Updated On: 12/12/05 at 04:56 PM

[RobbO]

Posted: 12/12/05 at 5:01pm

i really don't think that gay kids are putting that much thought into it or realizing that they want what they could never have since they don't know any different. in many ways, the world seems more accepting of gays (seems) so they don't know the persecution of gays from years ago.

i doubt the sampling of gays who want relationships is representative of a anything other than that, a sampling. i'm sure just as many boys want sex as love.

[paradox_error]

Posted: 12/12/05 at 5:11pm

Well I would like to think that things are changing.

I think gay people are becoming more accepting of ourselves, in that we are realising sexuality is not personality, and that we don't have to be sexually active/promiscuous to be gay.

Of course, I'm generalising, but I think this is changing.

Sure, lots of people still just want sex, but I think that is a decreasing sector of our population.

[robbiej]

Posted: 12/12/05 at 5:14pm

'don't have to be sexually active/promiscuous to be gay'

Why does everyone want to the the 'sex' out of 'homosexual'. I mean...it's one of the fringe benefits to being in a minority...can't we just accept that?

[Plum]

Posted: 12/12/05 at 5:15pm

Wah? Since when does monogamy = chastity?