It's pretty severe, Mel.
JL, I usually just... don't. When I eat out I eat a LOT of Chinese food because milk is so rarely used and peanuts are easily avoidable, and I also eat a lot of Kosher food since you can't mix milk and meat. In other cases, I usually just ask to talk to a chef or something, or ask them for something really plain, after explaining the situation. Most people are willing to do what they can; use clean handling utensils, keep it away from things with dairy, etc.
A work of art is an invitation to love.