The Official Raúl E. Esparza "Spread the Love" Thread- Page 307

[greatdct]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 9:23pm

I do that too. Not on purpose... but I've been terrible at keeping my friendships alive.

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 9:23pm

I figured if they were legitimate and important enough, we'd work to keep them alive. I've always believed that it needed to be mutual, which once given physical distance, it wasn't. It makes me sad, though.

[thetheatrekook]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 9:35pm

damn! my spring break is too early!! it's the week before it opens. garrrrr.

i'm also terrible at maintaining long distance friendships...just terrible. i'm thinkin my friends might be getting hugs for christmas. because clearly feeding my theatre addiction is way more important.

[greatdct]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 9:37pm

It absolutely has to be mutual! I think you're right.

For me, I think a lot of it has to do with my being an only child. I actually enjoy doing a lot of things by myself and I think my friends take that as me blowing them off. So, yeah.

[LariTheLoud]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 9:37pm

Long distance friendships? ... Yeah. My old friends from high school... I IM them and talk to them every now and then, and I keep meaning to send them packages... Sigh.

Oh well, least I'm seeing the RENT movie with an old friend.

*turns on Tick Tick Boom*

Updated On: 11/14/05 at 09:37 PM

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 9:41pm

Well, when I realized that the friendships I was leaving behind were not what I thought they were (many of them were convenience friendships -- we had classes together, so we saw each other all the time, but some of them were legit), I wasn't sad right away. I still have people in my life that I love, but it's just all changing. And sometimes when that sinks in, it makes me sad. Sometimes I realize that almost all of my close friends are people like you guys -- from here. On occasion, that makes me feel absolutely ridiculous.

[greatdct]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 9:42pm

I don't think that's ridiculous. You've met many of us and have done things in person.

I just consider the internet as more fun than the phone. Because I am NOT a phone person.
Updated On: 11/14/05 at 09:42 PM

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 9:44pm

I like it better than the phone because I can talk to more than one friend at a time on the internet.

The thing I think that makes me sad is when something happens to make me doubt the stability I think exists here... things that make you go "people come and go so quickly around here." I've always thought of this as a community that was fairly stable, but when things fall apart and people go away, I realize that it's not. And when something that was supposed to be good makes you sad, where's your escape then? I guess it just makes me sad to realize that being here can be painful just like "real life," too.

Updated On: 11/14/05 at 09:44 PM

[Alix7272]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 9:49pm

With camp friends and such, I'm usually the one who maintains the relationship. I understand that some people aren't good with e-mailing or keeping in touch, but when it matters, you do. So those have all died out. I'm sad that I haven't been able to make any lasting friends over the summers, but not so sad that the ones I made I'm no longer friends with.

Being that I'm in my senior year of high school, I've spent some time wondering what it will be like in terms of keeping in touch next year. My conversations with the person who is probably my best friend tend to revolve around school or other things that aren't so personal, so it will be hard when we don't have those things in common to talk about anymore. I guess we're such good friends now because we have a very similar thought process and views on certain things. Other people I know I'll keep in touch with, but I'm also a very independent person. As I keep getting more immersed here and in NY theatre in general, with which my obsession grows more intense by the day if that's possible, I feel like I become distanced from them even more.

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 9:52pm

I feel like having this immersion has made me more independent, in a way. Not that I like being alone -- I love going places with people who share in my interest -- but it's made it harder for me to form friendships with people who are in my classes and things, because I'm much more into what's around the city than in social life on campus. Maybe that scares people.

[Alix7272]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 9:52pm

"people come and go so quickly here" - that's from AiA!

I love the internet because it's easier to multitask and it's fun to do other things while talking to people. Also, it eliminates awkward pauses when there isn't necessarily something to say every moment.

[greatdct]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 9:53pm

Well, even on a board like this - people are going through things together and learning things together and so it makes sense that a lot of emotions are invested. If anything, I think the fact that this community makes you laugh and cry makes it that much more real.

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 9:54pm

I think it's very real. But sometimes that can cause a lot of pain, unfortunately. I've always thought that real friendships are the ones that hurt most. The ability to hurt someone augments itself when it's someone you care about and don't want to get away from you.

Updated On: 11/14/05 at 09:54 PM

[greatdct]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 10:02pm

It's sad that it has to happen. But I think if a friendship can survive the pain then it makes it stronger.

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 10:05pm

What do you do when it feels like it can't, but you still want it to be able to?

Updated On: 11/14/05 at 10:05 PM

[greatdct]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 10:10pm

I think it will only survive if both people want it to. I think both people have to be willing to be open, and honest, and willing to give it everything they've got to make it work.

I don't think it a friendship can be fixed any other way. At least not long term.

But I also think that a little bit of it is out of our hands. I believe that everything happens for a reason. Not all friendships are healthy friendships.

[Alix7272]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 10:11pm

Of course each situation is individual, but I think it is definately possible to get through those times if both sides want to, and hopefully, the relationship will come out stronger. It might be different, but that's not necessarily bad. Hopefully, it is ultimately a healthy evolution, despite the sometimes seemingly unbearable pain.

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 10:13pm

I think you're both right, about having it be necessary for both sides to be willing to work, and that's really hard. You can make things work temporarily by compromise, and just hope that it'll keep being okay. It's also hard to know if the desire to make it work gets hidden under more immediate things, etc.

But I don't know what should happen when one person's idea of having peace of mind is giving up, and one person needs that relationship to have peace of mind. Compromise ultimately may not be the answer, but if one person insists upon selfishly getting what they want, then the other ends up hurting.

I believe that everything happens for a reason, too. But that's so much easier to believe when the "thing" is really something that happens to you. When it's an event. It's hard to believe that someone you care so much for "belongs" out of your life, and that good will come of something that hurts you and makes you feel like you're missing something.

Updated On: 11/14/05 at 10:13 PM

[ElphieDefiesGravity]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 10:18pm

Wow. Ummm, I really don't mean to interrupt the serious and somewhat depressing conversation going on here, but I finally have time to share my Raul-meeting experience!
So, here goes. It's really not THAT exciting. SO, I went to the BO at about 1, and got my ticket. Then I went to the stagedoor to wait because I knew I wouldn't have time after and I thought he might not come out. I must have looked like a fool because I was turning my head from side-to-side every two seconds, because I didn't want to miss him. It got to be about 1:29, and I was thinking I had missed him, and I was kind of relieved, in a way, because I was nervous, when I see him walking up the street with some guy. I saw him, and I was like "Oh, SH*T! He's coming!" He said goodbye to his friend and was about to walk in, but I said "Excuse me, Raul? I'm a big fan and I was wondering if you would mind signing this for me?" (it was TTB) He said sure and I handed him my lovely new bright green sharpie and he signed it. I told him I loved TTB, and also Taboo. Then I asked for a pic, so he found a random guy in the theatre to take it. Then I said "I'm so glad you like TTB," and I said "OH, I LOVE it!" Then he had to go, so I said "Thanks so much! Have a great show!" And that was that. Here's the pic:

We're totally twins, I love it!

The show was great,I was in row G,and he was adorable, as usual. He asked for clotted cream. Janelle was pretty good as Jemima, but I really missed Chip and Robert Sella. Marc's understudy was pretty good, but it's not the same. I was literally the ONLY one standing at the end. Oh, and now I have a BUNCH of confetti, because I was just scooping up handfuls and handfuls like a little kid. Oh yeah, and I waved when they were in the car, flying. That was fun.

[Alix7272]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 10:18pm

Partially for that reason, I don't believe that everything happens for a reason that way. On the other hand, sometimes the good that comes from the hurt is that you've been able to experience the hurt and to be able to get through it, that you've felt hurt and understood it and appreciated it and let it affect you.

When one person wants to give up and the other wants compromise, it is hard to imagine it continuing to be a healthy relationship if one side is being forced into it or if their heart isn't really there. That's where the hurt comes in and it's not fair, but it's life. (not in the "life's not fair" sense)

[Alix7272]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 10:22pm

That's a really great picture! He's so handsome in it.

I'm glad you got to meet him and that you had a fun time! yay for Chitty confetti! I have some in random places in my room.

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 10:22pm

awww, Elphie, you guys look like twins!

I think it's probably safer to say, Alix, that I think things that are truly out of your control happen for a reason. Like, I think there's a reason that Elphie and my plans for the weekend got slightly reshuffled, simply by accident. But it's very, very difficult for me to believe that things people can intentionally do to each other is always for a reason that serves some greater good.

What if the heart is there, but only sometimes, though? Like, my roommate has a friend that she cares for very much, but she's very clingy and wants to be best friends. My roommate can't take that -- she has a lot of problems with this person, and she isn't the kind of person she wants to be her best friend. And sometimes she wants to remain friends with her because she does care for her, but sometimes she feels like her friend's emotions are forcing her into a place where she doesn't want to be. Now they don't know what to do, because if they stay friends, my roommate will have phases of unhappiness and happiness with the situation, but if they don't stay friends, my roommate will have to deal with the fact that she hurt a good person. Ultimately, it would be easiest on my roommate to end the friendship, but the other girl wants badly to continue it. And if a choice is made, someone will end up feeling like the other is selfish, and they've been treated unfairly. But, if they do care for one another, then they'd care to compromise, in my opinion.

It's so hard when you're hurt, but you also think of all of the good stuff, and just don't know what to do. Like, in immediate terms, you wish you could just erase your feelings for the person, get them away and not care about it, but in reality and general terms, you do still want things to be okay. It's really difficult and confusing to want to be mad because you're hurt over things that were said, and you wonder if the person meant them, but have too much invested to let it get the better of you.

Updated On: 11/14/05 at 10:22 PM

[ElphieDefiesGravity]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 10:24pm

Em, you know that after this weekend, I completely believe that everything happens for a reason. Still, it's tough to grow apart from friends. I know I feel closer to a lot of bww people than my "live" friends, simply because you guys understand me. it was so...refreshing to be in a place this weekend, where I could talk about Raul, or RENT or something without getting funny stares and being "made fun of," even though they're only joking.

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 10:25pm

I have a much easier time with relationships in which the trouble is clearly "growing apart." True apart growth is gradual, and it's relatively civil and mutual. But when relationships just fall apart and you feel like you're watching them die, that's really tough.

[ElphieDefiesGravity]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 10:32pm

Yeah, I can imagine that that must be really difficult, especially if you want the friendship to continue. Fortunately, I've never really been in that situation, but I know how painful fights and stuff like that can be.