The Official Raúl E. Esparza "Spread the Love" Thread- Page 309

[PoisonedRose]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 11:38pm

weighted dice have a heavier side so that they always role in a favorable manner. i believe you misunderstood my analogy.

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 11:41pm

I believe I did, but not entirely. I thought you meant that some were heavier, but my misundertanding, I think, doesn't entirely skew what I got of it.

If everything happens for a reason, somewhere along the line, the weighting evens out.

[PoisonedRose]

Posted: 11/14/05 at 11:48pm

nope. those suckers are pretty expensive. they're built to last.

everything happens for a reason, after all. do reasons shift like sand? there's more to the weight of a pair of dice.

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 11/15/05 at 12:00am

For some people, I think they do shift that easily, unfortunately. Makes consistency hard to find, and easy to push away.

Updated On: 11/15/05 at 12:00 AM

[greatdct]

Posted: 11/15/05 at 12:05am

Does consistency even exist?

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 11/15/05 at 12:06am

Not purely, I don't think. But it certainly does in relative terms, in my opinion, at least.

[greatdct]

Posted: 11/15/05 at 12:10am

That's something I think about often. Change can cause such a mess. But is it better than staying the same?

I guess I'll never know.

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 11/15/05 at 12:15am

I hate change. So much that I really, truly can't handle it.

In any event, thanks everyone. Hopefully some of this will turn out to be of help, and things will work out okay. This is really important to me, because I feel like in some ways, I've been terribly misunderstood due to past baggage which I can't be accountable for.

[greatdct]

Posted: 11/15/05 at 12:17am

I really hope things work out for the best!

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 11/15/05 at 12:21am

Thanks. I'm on a limited clock, unfortunately. I feel terrible that there's no way for me to prove what I'm trying to say is an unfounded worry, but all I can do is keep trying on account of that I believe in this. It's hard when someone is predisposed to something so deeply that they can't believe it true when something different comes their way.

Updated On: 11/15/05 at 12:21 AM

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 11/15/05 at 1:14am

I think I'm going to go to sleep soon. I feel funny, and I have a LOT of work to do tomorrow. Like, I know that your heart can't actually hurt, but I feel like if it could, it would right now. Instead, my stomach just feels funny.

Updated On: 11/15/05 at 01:14 AM

[greatdct]

Posted: 11/15/05 at 1:17am

I tried to sleep. But failed.

:/ I'm so sorry. You really don't deserve to feel that way. No one does. Hopefully things will smooth out. Sleep well! I bet tomorrow will be a better day!
Updated On: 11/15/05 at 01:17 AM

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 11/15/05 at 1:23am

Well, you know, the bigger the come, the harder they fall. After the weekend I had, I deserve some not-so nice things to happen to me. It's only fair to be balanced, I figure, but as things in one part of my life get progressively stranger in a great way, that would make it only fitting for the more realistic things to become harder to deal with.

I just hope I can work this out. After all of this time and the effort that's gone in so far, I can't give up. I just wish that there was more I could do, and that I didn't feel like I was so drastically different in my consistency. It's hard to feel one thing and be feeling it for someone who knows how they feel about you, but can't decide what they want of it because of so many outside things. I wish I had a way to prove myself, but words in print can only mean so much, and that makes me disappointed in myself. I ultimately end up feeling terrible, even when I should concievably be angry because of the things said to me. Ah, well.

Either way, I ramble.

g'night.

Updated On: 11/15/05 at 01:23 AM

[angelic1]

Posted: 11/15/05 at 8:25am

Good morning, all! That was some deep discussion last night. Hope you feel better, Em (and everyone else). Well...

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 11/15/05 at 9:36am

I'm sad for you that you have to wake up so early. My alarm went off at 8:20, but I didn't hear it til 9:20. I don't have class 'til way later, though.

[orangeskittles]

Posted: 11/15/05 at 9:51am

Wow, the night I fall asleep early, you all get philosophical!

I'll just say this, when it comes to friends, let's just say freshman year was hell and I'm still recovering from that. I've always had slight trust issues, but that experience just brought them roaring to the forefront. I started to get over that with my roommate last year, who I got along with very well, but one of her friends didn't like me and worked so hard to drive a wedge between us. Now we live across campus from each other and don't speak anymore. It's hard to learn to trust people when your entire life, so many people taken advantage of it and screwed you over. There's only so much "starting over" you can do.

Anyway, Elphie, the matching coats are adorable! But you met him! So jealous!

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 11/15/05 at 9:57am

That's really interesting, skittles. I have a disgustingly trusting disposition, and I think because of that, I feel hurt and let down when people can't be the same way with me. I don't like that I feel that way, because I realize that it's unfair at times, but I can't help it. And then again, if someone who has trust issues can't find stability in people who aren't trusting/trustworthy, and is afraid of people who are, they're going to keep that fear and cynicism, and continue to be really flippant about any friendships they do manage to find, I think.

On a happier note, I really love the pea coat on Raul. A lot!

Updated On: 11/15/05 at 09:57 AM

[orangeskittles]

Posted: 11/15/05 at 10:35am

I used to be a very open and trusting person, but a series of experiences just completely changed me. That fear and cynicism is what I'm starting to get over, I had to remind myself that there are trustworthy people out there. And certain things I've done over this past semester were literally just throwing myself out there and hoping for the best. For the most part, it's been a positive reaction, so that's helping. At the same time, I still occasionally get that tug in me, questioning whether this is "safe" or if I'm just setting myself up to be hurt again. But I'm not listening to it and letting effect my behavior anymore.

On another happier note, I have to skip my first class today to work on something, but it's pouring outside so that makes it a good thing.

Updated On: 11/15/05 at 10:35 AM

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 11/15/05 at 10:50am

It's supposed to rain here, too.

I definitely get what you're saying, and I think it'll help a lot in the long run, if we can get this relationship to work -- or even at this point agree to try that, yet again. I want this person to believe that I'm not like everyone who's screwed her over, but I recognize that I can't expect her to change what she feels because of things that've been the case for so many years just overnight. I do, though, think I'm in the right to expect her -- if she says she wants this friendship to work -- to be willing to put in an effort to trust me instead of blowing me off with excuse after excuse. But at this point, I don't even know if she's changed her mind about wanting to continue the relationship -- it's a feeling that changes too often not to scare and worry me. I want a decision and a committment to that decision, but it's something that's hard for her to give me and I hate that what I want is unfair to her. And I also know that deep down, if I don't agree with her decision on the issue, I'll feel like, because she's the flip-flopper in the relationship, it shouldn't be allowed to be final, and I'll resort to doing whatever I have to do.

urgh.

[greatdct]

Posted: 11/15/05 at 12:21pm

I was thinking the same thing. The pea coat is perfection. Especially with the messenger bag.

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 11/15/05 at 12:28pm

I like his Taboo messenger bag. His scarf makes me a little dizzy, though.

[greatdct]

Posted: 11/15/05 at 12:30pm

Yeah, the scarf I could do without. He looks deep in thought.

I think he should wear the pea coat the next time I see him.
Updated On: 11/15/05 at 12:30 PM

[LariTheLoud]

Posted: 11/15/05 at 12:40pm

I think he should wear the pea coat when I see him, but I can't always get what I want. We'll see.

Good luck, Emcee. I hope you can work through these relationship troubles...

[luvtheEmcee]

Posted: 11/15/05 at 12:47pm

Thanks.

For my English class, the current assignment is an "evaluation" piece; we had to see a movie, show, museum exhibit, or something and then review it.

I'm trying to write about Rent, and it's IMPOSSIBLE to keep it short enough. I feel like a lot is unsaid, but then again, for something like this, nobody cares about everything the BWW community cares about.

[thetheatrekook]

Posted: 11/15/05 at 1:42pm

holy deep thread batman! i'm out of commission for one night...geez louise guys! haha. hope everyone can work out all thier schtuff...i admit i kinda skimmed through it all...

i just wanted to say hello and howdy to everyone since i've been in lurk-central lately.