My #1 Worst has got to be THE DARK BACKWARD, a hideous would-be satire featuring Judd Nelson as a nebbish (???) with a hand growing out of his back. In a scene which made me literally, physically ill, Bill Pullman (Nelson's randy, Jack Black-ish buddy) picks up two obese women, tears off their tops, douses their breasts with melted chocolate, and....oh, I can't go on. The misuse of chocolate alone is far worse than the misuse of butter in LAST TANGO.
#2--POSTER BOY, a dreary coming-out melodrama without an ounce of humor or self-awareness (except from a graceful, pitifully underused Karen Allen). Jack Noseworthy and...some other actor supposedly have sex, although neither of them seems to be in the same room as the other; the scene consists of mega-closeups of one actor's nose and lips poised above the other actor's naked chest (we can't tell the actors apart) under blue lights, underscored by a limp techno song. There isn't even a kiss. It's the most unerotic, pointless sex scene EVER.
#3--BEASTMASTER II (yeah, I don't know why I've even seen this either) featuring Marc Singer as the Beastmaster (although Mr. Singer has all the animation and physical appeal of a dead librarian). In the scene in which some prehistoric babe mounts the Beastmaster in an abandoned temple, Mr. Singer's clenched face and agonized screams suggest he is trying to pass a kidney stone.
I ask in all honesty/What would life be?/Without a song and a dance, what are we?/So I say "Thank you for the music/For giving it to me."
